There are many contradictions out there, especially in the New Age industry. The beauty of social media is that everyone has a voice, but the contradicting voices sometimes are the stumbling blocks we experience toward growth.
Take for example, the Dalai Lama’s quote: “Nothing is Permanent”. Nature is ever changing, and progress, flow, movement, growth, and experience mean that constant change is a natural part of life. To rephrase his quote, we must accept that nothing lasts forever, that change must be embraced, that as painful as that is, we must willingly continue to grow.
Yet, how many New Age experts, authors, and bloggers, encourage us to believe in the opposite: “True Love is Forever”, “True Love will Never Leave You”, “Loyalty Above All Else”, “Love is Commitment to the Relationship”. Do you see the contradiction?
Some “experts” would have us believe in obligation, rather than in freedom. In permanence, rather than in ever changing progress toward growth and enlightenment. If you truly believe in non-permanence, then how can you believe in obligating a friend or lover into staying with you forever. Oh, they will stay if they are truly my soul mate! But if you are truly their soulmate, and your love is pure, you would never make such a demand of them.
I often chuckle at statements such as “Friendship is Loyalty for Life”. In my world, friends are teachers, soulmates, healers, and companions who are growing too, who are changing too, and my love for them means that I will always give them freedom to move on. They don’t owe me permanence, commitment, loyalty, nor forever. I am grateful for whatever time I have with them, and will open-heartedly encourage them to find their own path.
My friends are just as hungry for life as I am. They are movers, they are shakers, they have dreams to follow and paths of their own. I admire their courage, their fortitude, their drive to succeed. It is that admiration that motivates me to do the same. I would never demand their Forever, nor would I demand their loyalty.
You have heard the saying “If you love someone set them free”. The people whom I love the most, are the people who live in a permanent state of freedom. They are in my life as long as we both find the experience worthwhile and of mutual benefit. My favorite quote on this subject is by Thich Nhat Hanh:
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
Permanence, loyalty, forever, commitment, obligation, contractual relationships, are for people who are looking to secure the present moment. The most insecure people in the world believe that they can control their situations so that nothing changes, and they feel best in the illusion of permanence. Unfortunately, the world turns regardless of what they want, and when they lose their grip on permanence, they lose their bearings and their sense of security.
Freedom, impermanence, progress, growth, are for people who have found themselves. They understand that to progress through life, they will outgrow their friends and their lovers. Two people cannot walk the same path forever, each has a responsibility to themselves to expand and progress. A wise man once said: “If you haven’t outgrown your friends [or lovers], you haven’t grown at all”.
So, embrace change, it is nature’s way of pushing you forward. Find your own self, your own security, your own worth, and you will never demand that others never leave you. You will have the most important gift of all, your center, your wholeness, and you will be complete.