Energetic Connections

Most of my friends know that I meditate, and have been doing so for 12 yrs. What started as a simple exercise to learn to calm myself and quell an anxiety attack, turned into lifelong practice that has expanded my world beyond my wildest dreams. I should write about meditation more often, especially about how it has helped me connect to myself, shift my focus within, but more importantly, how it has sharpened my ability to read energy, and how that has improved my dating life.

 

Friends often ask me why I refuse to give someone a chance.  People have described me as stubborn, unyielding and not willing to make a compromise- to date a man simply for the possibility that some day I might change my opinion, and perceive him differently than I do now. Sure, on the outside it looks like I am cold and disinterested, but on the inside, I have read him, I see his energy and know it does not match mine.

 

How do I do that? I think we are all born with the ability to perceive energy, we are taught to turn that ability off, and judge based on outer actions, words, gestures and evidence. In doing that we can often be fooled by what a person says, or their act, and we remain blind to what’s on the inside. But that inner being is everything we are searching for. What good is a knight in shining armor when inside he is a giant void?

 

Words can lie, words can deceive, words can make an empty human appear to be much fuller than they really are. But energy is that clear signal each being emits that tells you exactly who they are. Tune into that, and you’ve got more information about a person than you can get from a blood sample.

 

Reading energy has enabled me to avoid a major disaster. A couple of years ago I fell in love with an angel. This was the most amazing human I have ever met, or so I thought. This man fit the definition of The One, he was giving, caring, loving, affectionate, and a solid human being. One of the things I always look for in a person is character, and this person was a man of steel- he had unshakable loyalty, his words actually meant something, and so it seemed I had met my match. But from the start, I sensed something was off. And I ignored that red flag as we all do, so as long as he kept acting kindly, I kept “giving him a chance”, suspending that sense that was telling me to pay more attention, in favor of all the physical evidence he was presenting.

 

One of the things that meditation does, is it suspends your physical senses and your perception of what is, and enables you to perceive far beyond that. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that he and I could communicate via ESP, sense each other from a continent away, tune into each other and feel what the other is going through in every moment. While I was fascinated by this energetic interaction, even convinced that this must be The One, there was that gnawing feeling that something about this isn’t right. And the more I enjoyed the physical relationship, the more I ignored what he was emitting.

 

Everything in this world is made up of energy, but what most people don’t know is that energy talks. Depending of which of your non-physical senses is strongest, you will perceive energy in different ways, even in multiple ways. Some people see it, others hear it, some feel it, know it, or can touch it. I will write about this later, but our reads are specific only to us, and how we energetically perceive an object is clouded by our own perspective, projection and physical experiences. So, what I read is usually different from what another person reads in the same person. This is why it is so important to learn to sharpen your own ability, rather than rely on someone else. What they perceive can never be as accurate as what you perceive all by yourself.

 

And so, when men demand “give me a chance”, “you don’t know me, I am really a great guy”, I often politely say “I am sure you are, but I feel no chemistry between us”. I don’t need his dating resume, I don’t need opinions of his friends, words are just words, all I need is to tune into this person standing next to me, to see what I need to know. Everybody does this, some of us are not as aware that we are actually sensing energy.  I joke that I don’t need a date, and that I can’t bear to spend more that 5 seconds giving a chance to someone who I can read. According to dating books, I am that cruel, cold-hearted, closed off, conceited bitch who doesn’t give good guys a fair chance. In fact, I have been called that many times. I’m okay with that. What I have practiced for the last 12 years, and what has served me very well, is meditation, and becoming more aware of energy.

 

What is cool about this is that aside from filtering out people who are not a match, it does allow me to slowly gravitate towards those who are. Not all of those men are available, single, ready or as tuned into me as I am into them. That is okay, many of them turn into excellent friends and compatible business partners.  But all tend to be like-minded, and their character tends to look a lot like mine.

 

In fact, several years ago, I had to make some drastic changes in my personal life. I decided to only be available to people who are my energetic match. Rather than break up with friends or dump anyone, I simply shifted my focus inward. I became most in tune to myself, ignoring other people’s dramas. I focused largely on my self awareness, moment by moment, opening and closing my chakras, monitoring where in my body energy flows, and allowing for all those fascinating experiences that meditation brings. In a matter of 60 days, all those friends who were not my energetic match, simply found something better to do. I never used harsh words to break up with anyone, instead I shifted my focus, and minded my own being.

 

What was amazing is that new people started to show up, and we all connected energetically rather than traditionally. There was no evaluation of what can you do for me, will you tend to my feelings, show me your loyalty, or obligate yourself to serve my needs, instead there was just laughter, chemistry and a deeper understanding. What makes these friends more valuable to me is that each person tends to his or her own energy without demanding it from others. We have all noticed that when we are together, the energy in a room changes. We also notice when a newcomer matches or feeds off our juice.

 

So, in terms of relationships, I have learned to trust my own senses more than those of other people. When I meditate regularly, my senses are sharp, when I slack off, my senses are duller. When I meet someone whose energy I like, I tend to linger around them reading what they emit. Often I notice that even when they are not looking, even with their back turned, they are reading me too. Are words really necessary at that point?  Do we need a dating profile to know anything about this human? No matter what they say or do on the outside, you can clearly read who they are on the inside, and that is the main characteristic that matters to me.

 

As time passes, and your senses become sharper you will notice a change in how you perceive people. Where in the past you had to rely on words, actions, and signals, now you can see beyond that. To me a non-match sounds like just noise. They may be talking, but the words are empty. They don’t resonate at all. In fact, most people are conditioned to put their best foot forward, present themselves in the best possible way, say the right things, use pleasing words, smile, and show effort to find their match. I just breathe people in.

 

When someone is a match, they can remain silent. They are emitting an energy that I like being around. If they care to start talking, their words ring a bell. What they say doesn’t matter, it all resonates. I am sure if they couldn’t speak a word of English, I would understand them anyway.

 

Every human has baggage, problems, challenges, issues. We have all made serious mistakes in life, and are paying the price. We have all been crushed, bruised, broken. And we all fear that if someone sees those flaws, we will be judged and rejected. In fact, this is how the dating tradition has taught us to evaluate other humans. People claim they want to connect on a soul level, but they spend too much time judging life’s circumstances instead. I am guilty of that too.

 

What I have learned from tuning into people’s energy is that every single one of us feels fear, guilt, and uncertainty. One can’t be enlightened without experiencing the dark side. Does your fear look like mine? Can you relate to the most horrible things I have experienced?  Will you judge me when you see my mistakes, my deep scars, my handicap?  Or will you uncover each of my sins, then demand I repent? Some people go through life demanding repentance and control in relationships, because it makes them feel more virtuous.

 

People who have been there, and learned from those experiences will understand you perfectly. Every soul is scarred, you just have to find the one who sees in you exactly what you see in them.  You can kiss a thousand slimy frogs, none of them will turn into a prince. Or, you can close your eyes, tune into yourself, and let your radar guide you in the right direction.

 

S

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Beware of False Prophets

Be careful of taking advice from people who haven’t reached an inner level of knowingness of themselves. No one can guide you to a place where they can’t go. If they knew the path and how to get you there, they would have been there first.

If you are trading advice and learning with your emotional support group, you might not be learning anything at all. You may be only confirming what you have experienced with people who are on your level, so you might notice that after a while you are keeping each other stuck on the same level.

This is why I am not a fan of “support groups”, “emotional support”, and holding hands and crying on each others’ shoulders. That only keeps us in the same place. I’d rather a Goddess comes here, learns how to master her strengths and weaknesses, gets kicked in the ass a few times, then graduates to another level, than to stay stuck here and in a state of always searching.

In case it is ever misunderstood, it is not my intention to guide or teach anyone. We can only do that ourselves, with our willingness to always experience and stay on our own path. I came across some amazing women and asked them to join the group mainly because I saw they have the experience to propel each other forward, without ever joining the pity party.

I see a lot of charlatans out there selling spirituality, growth and enlightenment, as if those things can be acquired through someone more valid. No one became enlightened from drinking a detox shake, striking a yoga pose, and getting a certificate in enlightenment.  We get there by rising, failing, crashing to all time lows, building ourselves up, and trying again and again until we learn to fly. And even then we humbly accept that we are mere novices.

We live in a country where spirituality and personal development are for sale. These concepts are a part of a $50 billion dollar industry that often exaggerates, embellishes and twists the truth to make a concept easier to swallow and more marketable. If you are getting your “truth” from media, courses, “masters” and gurus, you are already way off course. There is only one course, yours. If you don’t know where that is, it is because you are not reaching deep within yourself.

A lot of people don’t like to look within, because it is unpleasant. We all have that dark side we would rather not explore. That is totally fine. But unless you have dwelled there for an extended period of time, you have not done your work. A teacher or guru, cannot do it for you. Whoever you are will be completely revealed to you, when you learn to face yourself in the mirror, see who you truly are. Unless you know that deep within yourself, how would you know what path is the right one for you?

Following guides will lead you down many paths. It is okay to try a few of them to see what works. But you are following, and not charting you own course. You will find that as soon as a new teacher or concept comes along, a new path is presented, and in not knowing yourself, you are likely to be guided on a brand new journey- someone else’s.

Beware of false prophets.

S

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Ask To Sample The Goods

So he says he wants a relationship. So what? These are the magic words every woman wants to hear. But, most effective sales people know what words turn buyers on, and so even a man with no skills whatsoever knows to say that magic word. Your average girl, starts beaming with pride, she just received that honor she has been waiting for, an average flake who said he wants a relationship with her.

 

Needless to say, most girls don’t do much thinking here. Few even stop to think is this truly a person she wants a relationship with. She heard the word, so she is opening up, she’s shopping for lingerie, brushing up her girlfriend skills, end off she goes to the mall to stock up on her relationship materials: perfume, the outfits, the relationship books, and maybe some stationery for when time comes to make the announcement.

 

But, no Goddess ever fell for a relationship. Not so fast. I’m not sure you qualify for a relationship with me. I want to sample the goods, before I buy into this.

 

This is a continuation of my previous post: How to Measure His True Feelings and Intentions.  But, here I want to discuss what the word relationship means. This is a trigger word that get’s most women to salivate like Pavlov’s dog. Often, what women mean by the word is different from what they actually receive, but nevertheless they are willing to work for it. And like an obedient poodle, she starts doing whatever it takes to earn that morsel of meat.

 

Each human has different needs, and there is no point in discussing what different people need from a relationship. To each, her own. My point is that just because a relationship is being offered, it does not mean that you have anything at all. And without the proof that his intentions match yours (see article below), you are wasting your time.

 

So someone wants a relationship with you. So what? At the risk of sounding obnoxious and pompous, I always say so what. Someone on the streets asks you for a dollar, are you obligated or excited to give it to them? No. You give only when it feels right to you. If you haven’t spent some time, screening, listening to his words, measuring his actions, and checking off his deliverables (as in the previous article), you have no idea what he really is asking for, but most of all you are considering the possibility, and likely making an effort toward something that is probably inadequate.

 

Who are you, and why do you want a relationship with me?  What qualifies you for a relationship with me? Are you at my level? Have you spent the years developing, improving, growing yourself like I have? Or are you a recently divorced, scared shitless, a don’t-want-to-be-alone dolt, looking for a fast track out of his misery? People are nice, but just because their hearts are bleeding, doesn’t mean you should be the one to stitch it.

 

Worse yet, there are a lot of men out there who think they are entitled to a relationship, and unfortunately, there are so many girls out there, willing to let them have it. They end up taking care of needs of fully grown, balding babies, who think a woman’s job is to cater to his needs, keep his tummy full, and look pretty enough to impress his bloated cronies.

 

Just because someone wants to have a relationship with you, doesn’t mean you have to consider it at all. But, assuming this is actually a person you are interested in, why not let him demonstrate what the word relationship means to him?  Words are just words, and they rarely convey what the person truly means. We can verbally be on the same page, but if the delivery doesn’t match what I need, it is not a relationship. It is not a relationship until both people are getting their needs met, until both people are satisfied, until both people are happy.

 

If you are working to create the relationship you want with him, you are not actually in a relationship. If you were, it would already be established. If you are in the process of laying the groundwork, seeing what works, negotiating the terms, it is NOT a relationship. And, as I said in the previous post, if you are doing most of the communicating, and guiding him to what you want, you are manufacturing something he may not be really into. He is going along for the free ride instead.

 

So, what if he wants a relationship? Show me what you mean by ‘relationship’. Demonstrate it. What does a relationship mean to you? Here is where you watch for verbal expression, actions taken, and what is actually being delivered to you.  You are not taking a step forward, twisting his arm, nor guiding him to what you want, you are allowing him to express himself. So, if he is showing up to your house, expecting his belly to be filled, he is demonstrating what the word relationship means to him. If he is putting his feet up on your coffee table, watching the game, while you prepare something in the kitchen, as comfy as that sounds, that IS what relationship means to him. If he is making projections about the future, and including you in those plans, that IS what relationship means to him. If he is showing up for nookie, and leaving right away, that IS what relationship means to him. If he is having you tend to his boo-boos, needing your emotional support but not noticing you are hurting too, that IS what the relationship means to him. Some women are thrilled to be able to baby him when he is sick. Great, you got the job of first-aid nurse, but you forgot to qualify him.

 

How to sample the goods up front? All you have to do is pay very close attention to the relationship HE is creating. Allow him to express all of his needs, by demonstrating. You will see a very clear picture of what you are dealing with. Now, I am NOT stating that at no point should you make an effort to participate in this relationship. I AM saying that comes later, after you have evaluated his idea of a relationship, and objectively determined if you are fully satisfied with what he has delivered.

 

Don’t be fooled into thinking you will straighten him out later. No. A man will do whatever he needs to get his needs met, even go elsewhere, or go home to grovel to mommy, and there are some men out there who are only looking to get their needs met. You need to see that in order to determine whether this is a person you want in your life. So let him be exactly who he is. Do not ask for better behavior, instead observe his natural behavior. Do not tell him what he needs to do to make this relationship work (unless you are actually far into a real, non-imaginary relationship), but observe if and how he is making an effort to determine your needs. Is he trying, or is he assuming you have none because you are so easy going.

 

Be easy until you have all the facts. You’d be shocked by the kinds of things I have simply allowed men to demonstrate to me. Being my usual, easy going, non-demanding self, I have been presented with pure, uncensored honesty from men, who felt very comfortable expressing to me all their insane, unhealthy, toxic, political, masochistic, misogynistic, sicknesses that warrant a stay in the looney bin. Would I have known any of this, had I clearly stated exactly how I want them to behave toward me in a relationship? No. Most men will try to ascertain what you are looking for, then act just like that until they get into your pants. You want flowers, I got you flowers. Want to be wined and dined, sure I got you babe. But flowers and wine are no tell of a person’s true character. How many times have we been in relationships with men who act exactly as they are supposed to, only to discover later that he is a raging lunatic?

 

I know my flaws and all my weaknesses. Having grown up in a different culture, I am always challenged by communication. I communicate very directly and bluntly, and often don’t pick up subtle cues or softer words that imply something that hasn’t been spoken. So, I rely on proof. And that has served me well.

 

Instructing a man to go ahead and show me what he means by relationship, allows me to observe and see if this meets my needs. I am not stuck on his words, ‘But he said he wants a relationship’, instead I am evaluating what he has actually delivered.

 

The guy who asks me to hang out, is likely to get stuck in my friend category. Friends hang out, and if he hasn’t actually used the word date, he gets a friendship instead. I hung out with a guy for six months only to find him screaming his head off, and calling me all kinds of names when he found out I am actually dating a real person, as in going out on actual, adult dates. He assumed we were hanging out, meeting each others’ friends, grabbing a drink now and then, so I would be exclusively hanging with him. His idea of a relationship, not mine.

 

But relationship is a loaded word, and it gets a lot of people to do crazy things they never would do had it been called an interview, a getting to know you, a trial period, whatever. And if you tend to get triggered by the word relationship, or tend to guide men into the fantasy relationship you want without their actual participation, step back.

 

When a person actually wants a relationship they will A) state it clearly with words B) take action steps to make it happen C) Deliver ALL that was promised. A flake will twist your words, say I never said that, always have an out, let you work on the relationship while he tends to his life, or ask you to hang out. The one who is seriously interested in a relationship, knows what a relationship looks like, he will actually make the time, and effort to lay a foundation, build it, put a roof on it. A serious human, won’t leave things up to chance, won’t leave the terms of a relationship ambiguous. He will state his intentions clearly, repeat them until he is blue in the face, because he wants to make sure that you are a willing participant and just as serious as he is.

 

It is not uncommon for men to ask to sample the goods before committing. It’s only fair. You want a relationship? Then you sample the goods too, tell him to show you what a relationship with him looks like. If his style, his effort, his relationship feels good to you, accept it, and if it’s sloppy don’t help him build it. Again, you are not being passive, you are in your ‘sampling the goods’ and in observation mode. No commitment, no relationship, no contract until I see what your idea of a relationship looks like.

S

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How To Measure His True Feelings And Intentions

Do you really know how the other person feels about you? Most women don’t pay attention to what is being offered to them, what is being said or delivered to them, instead, they go by what is not being rejected.

 

In the beginning stages of getting to know someone, not much is being communicated, given, offered to us at all. So, to push the relationship forward, women make an offer and if it is not rejected they see it as a sign that he is receptive, so they offer more of their time, more of their sex, more of their cooking, more of their friendship, more of their affection, etc. In that giving, they are forming an attachment. He is not rejecting anything, he is taking what is given. But, here women think they have established a connection when in fact they have established a one-way attachment. What’s more important, they have no clue how he truly feels about them.

 

When she is prodding the relationship forward he has had no opportunity to question and inquire, plan, or scheme. He is receptive, waiting to see what else she will give him. Then, most women are shocked to find out that he has no real interest. They were sure they had a connection, they worked hard for it, they earned it, they communicated clearly their feelings and what they wanted, and he accepted everything. “But he didn’t say no, he didn’t reject me”, is no way to gauge how he feels. Where in her mind did she find the information that he is interested?  She created the relationship all by herself.

 

Like most women, she projected her wants into him, he went along, and let her guide him, but she has no facts, no information, no data whatsoever. What I am always looking for is his energy, his effort, what messages is he sending my way. If his energy is passive and accepting, that’s not a man of action. As you all know, I am okay with just a casual fling, but even then I am always watching what messages are coming my way. When you are in observation mode, a.k.a. data collection mode, all the effort he makes toward you is pure data! You can even enter it into your spreadsheet 🙂

 

When you simply watch and listen, he will send you prodding questions, and those words will either hint at sex, are you willing to play with me, or relationship, words like honesty, truth, openness, time, etc. Compile your data ladies!

 

This guy I have been on and off with for a year was super vague, non-communicative, emotional flake. I could tell right away someone broke his heart. He even admitted it. Most women would see a hurt soldier, and run to his rescue. Nooooo, you are not his nurse, and a hurting man is not an opportunity! Instead, after much of emotional chit-chat, I decided to keep looking. His words said he is looking for a band-aid, he is looking for help, someone to take his pain away. I collected my data, and decided he is not relationship material, but good for a casual fling. So, I said no thanks to the flaky, non-decisive, time waster, walked away, and told him I am only good for some fun. And my boundary is always enforced at just fun. He gets nothing out of me other than fun. I am not scheming to see if it can be more than that, because I have all the information to dismiss anything else from him.

 

But instead of projecting your wants and needs into someone who is not stepping up at all, and manufacturing a relationship with a person who is just waiting to see what you put on his plate, do yourselves a favor and back off. Sit back and relax, and just watch.

 

On any given week I get contacted by men I meet when I am out. I have no way of knowing who these people are, what their intentions are, nor whether they have a backbone. To me personally, character is worth its weight in gold, but if all he has is character and no other qualities I am looking for, he will have my respect and nothing else. Nevertheless, the first thing I am screening for is character, a backbone, clearly stated intent, and DELIVERY. Words are just words, but whether those words add up to something concrete, tells you who you are dealing with.

 

This is how I screen out 99.99% of flakes. Enjoy the conversation, and rather than talk about yourself, what you want, and what you need, sit back and listen. That person who has no intent but to waste your time, will have nothing concrete to say at all, besides Hey, want a beer? Usually a person who has a clear intention, will use words that reflect what he is looking for. If he doesn’t seem to be looking for anything, don’t step up and guide him into what you are looking for.

 

A man who knows exactly what he wants will make it happen. If he doesn’t know how to make it happen, don’t help him. He will try to communicate it, and if it isn’t clear, allow him to keep clarifying until you are satisfied with the answer. If that answer doesn’t match what you want, don’t negotiate his answer to make it fit your needs. You don’t need to improve or tweak his response, instead accept what you heard.

 

And of course, don’t believe anything he says, until you see delivery. Did he actually pick up the phone, did he actually make the reservation, did he actually show up? What is he working toward? Sex, some casual fun, a relationship? All are acceptable to me, but unless I see him working on it, as in taking clear action, I am not going to budge.

 

But open up an Excel spreadsheet, and create three columns.  Start listing his words in one column, and his actions in the other. In the third column list all his deliverables. After a couple of months, add up all your rows and see what was delivered.  That’s how you know what a man wants, and how he really feels, and if that actually ads up to something you want. Don’t fall for ‘I want to go to Paris with you’ routine. Have tickets been purchased, have hotels been booked. when did you say we are going to Paris?

 

Imagine you are a project manager at a Big Five consulting firm. Would you get paid for a project that wasn’t complete? Would you get paid for just big, important sounding words, when no action was taken toward that goal? So why would you accept that kind of time wasting from a man? Your boss would take your proposal and throw it out the window, and tell you to get out of here. Don’t waste my time. To keep your job as project manager, you must clearly state the scope of the project, list all your action steps, check off one by one, and set a date for all your deliverables. No self-respecting professional would dare miss a project delivery, so why do we let men get away with having us run the relationships for them.

 

Collect your data ladies, and if the words, actions don’t add up to a quantifiable delivery, you’ve got a flake on your hands. Walk away from that.

S

 

 

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Why Do We Protect Masculinity?

Why is it so important to protect masculinity? What do we gain from accusing victims of slander? Do we have a much bigger problem in this world than the #metoo movement has shed light upon? It is not just harassment of female professionals, Olympic athletes, students. How long have religious institutions of all denominations been protecting clergy? Centuries, eons, it is so prevalent, that it is part of our culture: shaming the victims is the norm, protecting the perpetrator from embarrassment is always the objective.

Meanwhile, false masculinity is spared from being exposed. Victims are urged to “think of his innocent family”, think of other employees and their jobs, think of the company, think of the religious institution. Why is it the victim’s responsibility to protect a rapist’s family, does he not bear such responsibility himself? We live in a culture where a male may not be shamed. His masculinity may not be challenged, even when clearly he has no masculinity to speak of. Is this the definition of masculinity? Something fragile that must be propped up at all costs to the detriment of women, children and boys?

But is there a greater problem? Is there an epidemic? A psychological disorder that causes some men who are unable to tolerate the decline of their own masculinity, to use tactics such as harassment to validate themselves as males? Is there a psychological or criminal profile for these men, or are they forever destined to remain nameless, spoken about only in hushed tones? I bet there isn’t a single psychology textbook addressing this problem. Have we coddled declining masculinity into a pathological perversion?

We are treating these criminal acts as separate, unrelated incidents (The #metoo movement, rape of child athletes, sexual abuse by clergy) when it happens systemically on all levels of society, in every industry and religion. The faces of the victims change, but the abusers are the same. Silent, nameless, protected, egotistical, sacrosanct, bulletproof, desperate duds who hide behind their churches, companies, wives, and other males.

To be clear, I am not pointing a finger at all men, most of the ones I know are speaking up in our defense. I am questioning why is it a crime to challenge masculinity, or address false masculinity, or point out perverse behaviors of certain men? Historically, women have been burned at the stake for challenging manhood, what is it about manhood that is so fragile? What is it about manhood that we have to prop up with compliments to their sexual prowess, tolerance of their misdeeds, protection of their character?

We live in a culture that invalidates females as women once they pass childbearing age, but props up males the very day their dicks go limp? We ridicule women when estrogen depletes and they suffer from mood shifting hormonal changes, but bolster the confidence of men when declining testosterone results in unattractive baldness. She loses her status as a real woman, but he gains status as a real man. We live in a culture that is more at ease turning a story of rape and assault into a late night TV joke, rather than point the finger directly into his face. Oh he’s just a real man, a man’s man, no harm done.

I am not sure where the problem began. It was probably thousands of years ago, in mythical times when Eve got blamed from getting Adam expelled from Eden. And it no longer matters. What matters is that even today,  society, culture, religion and the legal system is more likely to chastise women,  blame the victim,  humiliate the injured, rather than reveal the false male.

Isn’t it time to question what we have been taught about manhood? Isn’t it time to actually study the psychology of an aging male, as objectively as we study the aging female? Isn’t it time to create a criminal profile, so that these perverts hiding behind the mask of maleness can finally be brought to justice? By now there have been enough criminal charges of priests, CEOs, academics, celebrities, and common predators to create a profile. Who is he? Why do we still not know?

And why are healthy, non-violent men protecting them? What is the risk to them? Certainly, there have been many outspoken men who have urged against blaming the victims. But the vast majority of men are rolling their eyes, asking when will the #metoo movement end. Enough is enough, they say. But only the victims can say when it is enough.

Pope Francis accuses Chilean church sexual abuse victims of slander

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Scary Woman Speaks

Scary woman. Is there something wrong with being scary? If you are a scared man, a lot. If you are insecure, macho, weak, artificial, egotistical, boastful, disrespectful, unreliable, untruthful, narcissistic, characterless, a bully, I guarantee you won’t feel like a man standing next to me. It takes me 5 seconds to put a man in his place, using nothing but evidence, reason, and his own words.  If that is a bad characteristic for a woman to have, okay, call me scary.

I’m comfortable being scary. I always was outspoken, and always willing the stick my neck out to call bullshit, expose a coward, stand up to a bully, even when I was urged to be moderate, tone down my rhetoric for fear people could get hurt? Who?

Who are these people who find truth scary? The ones who have been protecting bogus manhood for years, the ones who have a lot to lose if false masculinity is exposed,  the ones afraid to lose protection of these phonies some call men.  They are the wives who burried their heads in the sand decades ago, so that he could be the man. The daughters who took a slap on the ass, learned submission at a young age, and now believe in patriarchy and power of men . They are the mothers who raised them, who coddled them to become entitled narcissits who believe that women are there to support their delusions. But most of all, they are the men who have worn the crown of manhood since the first day they discovered their penis, and have never had to do anything to earn the title.

Face it, society has been protecting delusions of old men for thousands of years. Man-coddling is so pervasive that it is the pillar of every religion on earth, the base of every political system, and supporting the grand delusion has always been the only proper way for a woman to be. Speaking out against male transgressions, harassment, misdemeanors, has always resulted in a painful and degrading backlash from both men and women at the same time. Not only has it not been appropriate to expose misoginy, lewdness, barbarism and impropriety, doing so will get the accuser slapped with the label of crazy, vengeful, desperate, attention skeeing whore. The price an accuser would pay has always been greater than any cost to the tormenter. And this is how false masculinity has survived for thousands of years.

To be clear, there is a big difference between a man and a male suffering from dellusions of male grandeur. A real man respects women. Every one of his words and actions shows utmost respect for his equal. An impostor makes disparaging remarks, mild enough to be forgiveable and immediately dismissed in case he is called out. He is threatened by equality, her achievements, independence, and is absolutelly disgusted by women who do not need a man at all. A real man earns your respect, a false one, demands it. In fact he demands to be treated like a man, asks that women make him feel like a man, and that he be recognized for his manhood. Why? When a male needs a woman to treat him like a man, it is because he is not a man. He is very well aware of his shortcomings, so he needs her to compensate. You recognize him, he uses the term “real man” every time he refers to himself.

For centuries women have been taught to protect men and to protect their own reputations by staying quiet. We are told to think of the damage we could cause to his family, and to other people. Why should the victim protect a harasser’s family, and why does he not have to? If he respects his own family, why did he expose himself, then demand mercy when it is time to account for his actions?

We have been protecting losers who do not qualify as men and should not be allowed to use that word. Staying silent has only weakened us, and empowered them. I am sick and tired of protecting people’s husbands, brothers, fathers, at the expense of my own dignity. I speak up, no matter what it costs me. If you have a problem being spoken to, I will put you in your place, and the price will be paid by you and no one else. These losers have been hiding behind the skirts of their wives, mothers, and daughters for centuries and calling themselves men. Unless we name names and start pointing fingers, the delusions of fake masculinity will keep haunting us.

Please consider, think long and hard. Who are we protecting, and why? Any time a woman speaks up, she is urged to not be too harsh with her accusations, not name names for people could get hurt. We all know her credibility and motives are automatically questioned, for if she speaks in general terms without naming names, there is no real perpetrator, only the unfortunate victim.

And thus fasle masculinity has always relied upon the grace and benevolence of women, employees, wives, mothers and daughters to not expose the perpetrator, not unmask the pervert, for the sake of all those who surround him. Others could get hurt, and by speaking out the victim is warned not to destroy a family, doing so makes her evil, despicable, and oscene, but not the man hiding behind that family.

It is time for that false masculinity to topple. I have no problem with it, and neither do countless other “scary women” who are not afraid to speak out. When men stay silent, or question when will it be enough, when will these exposees stop, my answer is when every loser is exposed. After all, each victim deserves her dignity, and every perpetrator just punishment. If that means that some wives and mothers will be embarassed, I’m okay with that- it is time that women learn there is no reward for propping up manhood, and that there is more dignity in waking away.

To be clear, I have no problem with authetic masculinity at all. I am proud of all my male friends who have spoken out in support of their female coworkers, friends, and neighbors. Many have challenged their own employers, their own friends, and their own belief systems, some have even asked the most important question of all: How have I contributed to the problem, and how can I change, then help you? How can I be a better co-worker, friend, husband, boyfriend? Masculinity is not dead, it is just being born. We all have yet to learn who the real men are, as they are just starting to speak out, challenge old belief systems, push back against status quo, tradition and patriarchy.

But in general, the real men have always been there, they too have been labeled all kinds of names when they stood for equality and empowered women. They are the men who congratulate you on your successes, encourage you to speak up, don’t doubt your abilities, don’t take pleasure in your failures. They don’t need women to make them feel like men, they know they already are. They don’t build illusions, then demand you support their dellusions, they are okay with who they are, and in who we are.

S

 

 

 

 

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Life Is Tough When You’ve Got The Juice.

There are two kinds of people in the world, the fulls, and the empties. The empties are always chasing the fulls, and the fulls want nothing to do with them. When the empties get lonely, they form binding agreements, so that neither is ever authorized to flee and leave an empty space behind. They work hard to preserve traditions, institutions, status quo because change is painful and turns them upside down.

The empties are convinced of their moral and spiritual superiority and their high intelligence because they have the paperwork to prove it. The fulls tore up their paperwork to roll joints. The empties are convinced the fulls are fools, for not wanting what they’ve got. Unfortunately, they cannot survive without the fulls, because their fellow empties are just cartridges. There’s no juice on the inside. The marketplace is full of cartridges, but juice cannot be bought.

But how to acquire a full? Take one, and see if it files a complaint? Offer a cash reward for loyalty and service? Dangle a sparkly carrot, and see if it bites? Sometimes they get a nibble, but when a full gets a whiff of an empty, no reward is worth the drain.

The planet is a giant zoo of different types of people divided into political systems, borders, ideologies, religions, philosophies that only serve to distinguish the fulls from the empties. It’s a giant puppet show of screamers, complainers and disgruntled empties, who can’t get the juice 🙂 But the juice is not for sale. Life is tough when you’ve got the juice. Keep running my friends!

S

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