When Spiritual Paths Lead Away From Marriage

Why is the institution of marriage failing? There must be something wrong with people today. Why are divorce rates skyrocketing? Because married people aren’t trying hard enough to repair their failing marriages.  Why are women marrying later in life? Because they have invested too much in their educations and careers and are finding a dearth of eligible bachelors today.

 

Does the above sound like a bunch of bullshit? It is. Contrary to mass media campaigns to make us aware of our decreasing value as women, to make the younger generations fearful of the risks of being left out of the marriage race, to shame women who are not married, and to scare women who have not reproduced, the simple reason the institution of marriage is failing is that it isn’t serving anybody.

 

In my personal and logical opinion, the institution of marriage is failing because fewer and fewer people need it. There is nothing wrong with people who are delaying or postponing marriage, many of us are not even trying to find a spouse. I for one, do not need one. I receive a lot of pure love, quality sex, legitimate proposals and true affection, that I don’t need to settle for anyone.

 

Why are divorce rates skyrocketing? Because intelligent people are realizing that life is too short to live in unhappy relationships, and too precious not to be experienced fully. Believe me, no one leaves a marriage casually, nor without experiencing massive heartache. We are simply leaving to honor ourselves. I left a 15 year marriage to an amazing man and my best friend to grow myself. I am grateful beyond words that I had the opportunity to experience life on my own terms, learn how to love fearlessly, enjoy mind blowing sex with men I felt no obligation to love, have my heart shattered multiple times, learn to recover, learn to walk away from what no longer serves me. I’d say, since I divorced, I earned an A+ in life experience, and for that I am filled with deep gratitude to the spouse who let me go.

 

Why are women marrying later in life? Because we have options and a wide variety of choices we haven’t experienced since the dawn of mankind. We are not pathetic, lonely, miserable, counting the days until our biological clock expires. We are growing, learning, investing in ourselves, having wild sex outside of marriage, traveling the world, liberating ourselves from tradition, and indoctrination cultures and religion have imposed on us. Is that wrong? Only to those at the losing end of the equation. The simple fact is we are free, and hungry to experience all that life has to offer. Can you blame us for choosing to stay single as long as possible?

 

But there is much more to the wonder and delights of the single life. As soon as I embarked on this journey, I embarked on a process of self discovery. I started to travel solo, push my own boundaries without holding anyone’s hand, and by simply rejecting social criticism and fear mongering, I got in touch with my own power. I discovered my capacity to push forth, try new things, lose myself, and the further I went the more ecstatic the experiences became. I wondered why have women been shielded from this knowledge and such pleasures for centuries?

 

Knowledge is power, and knowledge of our inner power is that thing we have been restricted from. Once discovered, I had no intention of letting go of that Goddess I now teach women to get in touch with. She is a powerful creature capable of great things, and no, she isn’t going back to tradition and domesticity- those things do not serve her.

 

To be clear, I have nothing against marriage. I loved being married, and lived in marital bliss for years. But marriage did not serve me. It is impossible to grow in the same direction as someone else. Marriage pulls you in your partner’s direction, or your children’s direction, but rarely into a woman’s own direction. Many women are simply unaware of what their life path is, because they are following someone else’s.  Marriage will always serve some people. There are both men and women out there, who will always rely on the institution to provide them with safety, security, companionship and peace of mind of having a binding contract with a spouse.

 

But I don’t want a spouse, I want a soul mate. And I don’t need a marriage contract, I want a deep mind-body union instead. And before I meet my soul mate, I want to experience all that life has to offer. That includes a flourishing career, global adventures, a healthy body and mind, spiritual and personal growth, mind-blowing sex, gorgeous, young lovers in all corners of the globe, and I intend to live it all! If I never meet that amazing man, okay, I am perfectly in touch with myself, and by now, very much in love with myself. But if I meet him, I’ll love him fearlessly, openly and freely. Perhaps we will be monogamous, and perhaps we won’t- we will see what suits us then.

 

Is that so wrong? I can see why some people are threatened by the decline of marriage. In fear of being left without security, they are terrified about their prospect of eternal loneliness and singlehood. But, today’s generations are much more fearless and much more willing to embrace life’s changes, grab opportunities, and ride the roller coaster of life. Since I left my marriage, I embarked on a beautiful journey. I let go of all fears, grew from experience, got bruised many times, walked away easily and effortlessly, but most of all discovered the person I was always meant to be.

 

I don’t blame women nor men for saying No Thanks to marriage. In fact, I respect them for having the courage to walk.

 

S

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A Goddess Does Nothing To Get A Man

The most disempowering idea out there is that a woman has to do something special to find a man. Go to any book store, pick up any dating manual, and it is full of ludicrous advice that a woman must act a certain way, use all her cunning and skillfulness to secure herself a man.

 

We are instructed to shave our legs, wax bikini lines, pluck our brows, respond to texts after an hour delay, be unavailable from Thursday to Sunday, don’t sleep with him until the third, ninth, and now the 32nd date, appear to be too busy, pretend to have a life, manage our social media reputations, make him feel needed without appearing needy, and make him feel like a man even when he doesn’t know the meaning of the word. The women who believe this, walk on egg shells, worried to make one wrong move for fear they will lose his interest.

 

We have been following absurd courting rules for centuries, and no wonder we have rarely had the upper hand in dating. It seems that men get to have all the fun, and women dutifully wait until a man gifts them with his attention. When that happens, some women go totally apeshit, lose all their self-respect, whip out that dating manual, and stand on their heads looking for ways to please him.

 

Would you believe that I haven’t shaved my legs in two years, that I hook up whenever the hell I want, even on a first date, make the first move, say whatever pops into my head, even when I’m sure he won’t be able to handle it, and in general, don’t give a fuck what he thinks?  Would you believe, that since I have been single, I have never come across a man who didn’t beg me for commitment? I have had multiple marriage proposals from men I hooked up with on the first date, and said confidently No Thanks.

 

While most women think man is the prize, I am 100% convinced that I am the prize. Since I am that, then why be afraid of losing him? A woman who is that sure of herself, feels no need to please a man at all. He is pleased when I am pleased. And of course, he first must be pleasing to me before I pay any attention to him at all.

 

Ladies, we have been fooled. Since the dawn of mankind, we have been told that man is something to strive for. Our sexuality and reproductive ability have been repressed, regulated, politicized, judged, shamed, and controlled to ensure that there is a guaranteed supply of young, eager, needy women available to that lowest hanging fruit- the aging, white male. Our ability to earn a paycheck has been limited until the last couple of decades, to prevent us from competing with men who have for decades counted on being a provider. Everything about what society and culture have taught us about dating (to both men and women) is to guarantee that women always choose the most mature, financially stable, secure man, and avoid the young, firm, virile, men most young women are naturally attracted to.

 

Man is no prize, he is not even an asset. Man is a liability. I will do a separate post to demonstrate the risks, both financial and social that marriage to a man, or having his child poses for women. For now, I will simply point out that chasing a man, striving only for relationships that lead to commitment, being over focused on marriage, has left a lot of women dejected, and with low self-esteem. Media reminds us every day that millions of women are left out of the husband and baby race, their reproductive systems rotting, as they have missed the opportunity to procreate. And naturally and unfortunately, women believe this, causing much emotional and psychological harm. But nothing could be further from the truth.

 

Women are, and have always been the prize since the dawn of mankind. There is absolutely nothing we need to do to attract a man, earn his attention, nor his fidelity. The only thing that is needed is a heavy dose of self-respect and unshakeable pride- the two things most women who are dating lack.

 

Armed with much self-respect, a woman will naturally maintain her self-assuredness and remain focused on herself, her life, her career, and her interests. If she can simply retain this focus on the self, and keep her eyes on the prize (herself), she is already ahead of the dating game. Pay no attention to men at all, and that has been my only dating secret since I embarked on this adventure of enjoying men, sex and dating.

 

For me, man is of no importance at all, what is important is that I have a thrilling experience with whoever I grace my time and presence with. I have no concerns at all whether his interest will dwindle, or whether he will call me back. I am always dating multiple young, firm, ripe men at the same time, only giving attention to those who please me. I play no games at all, and I don’t lie. I answer texts and phone calls whenever I feel like, and don’t fret if one man doesn’t respond on time. All men know that I am seeing other people, not because I am trying to make them jealous, but because I enjoy meeting and choosing from a wide variety of men. Commitment is never on my mind because I have a pile of choices, and more beautiful men to get to know.

 

I should disclose that I recently met a man with whom I am now in a monogamous relationship with, and that is only because he has earned my respect, attention and keeps me satisfied. As amazing as he is, and as much as I know he is a keeper, my self respect and pride are and always will be of utmost importance in this relationship. He will not hear me whine about commitment nor marriage, I still don’t need that. But if he does the work, and we continue to have the spark, he might just earn more of me.

 

Women are taught to be givers. That training begins at a young age. Biologically, we are programmed to care for our children and give them everything that is required to be safe and happy, but we are not required to do the same for a man. Yes, we are caring and loving beings, but that affection should only be reserved for men who strive to earn it, and no one else. To be a goddess, a woman must give herself all the love, kindness, affection, admiration, respect and care that she has. With men, she is always kind, gracious and affectionate, but only to the point where she is enjoying herself in her company.

 

A woman should NEVER trade her affection for anything. Women are taught to trade sex, love and affection for commitment, fidelity or marriage. But this is morally wrong and absolutely denigrating. Religion and culture have always instructed women to barter, and that this is the only decent and principled way to enter a relationship. I am saying that this is a guaranteed way to make a woman dependant on a man’s approval, and absolutely offensive.

 

When a woman trades sex for a committed relationship, she is giving away her power. First, she is selling sex in exchange for something, and there is never a guarantee. If then the buyer decides he would rather keep looking, she then is left feeling used, since she gave away a piece of herself, and got ripped off in return. It is no wonder that when a relationship fails, most women feel ripped off.

 

My only rule for sex is to have it whenever I want, and only with men whom I want. I don’t time sex, dangle it as a carrot in front of a man hoping to bait him. I follow no dating rules about waiting, as I am not trying to catch a man, nor earn his respect. I respect myself, and his opinion is not needed. I do command much respect from men as a result, because I own my own sexuality, and the only way they can participate is if they meet my personal requirements.

 

Men have no ability nor opportunity to buy me, or my attention. I don’t accept free drinks, and when invited to dinner, I pay my own way 100% of the time (unless I am in a committed, long term relationship). I show up to the date to determine if I have a genuine interest in the person, evaluate how much I like spending time with him, and see if there is chemistry. I only want to be with a man who can hold my interest, is fun to be with, and whose company enjoy. I never evaluate men for their earning potential, nor willingness to commit. I inspire commitment within 1-2 dates, that comes naturally to me, so why strive for it?

 

Honestly ladies, nothing on your part is needed to hold a man’s attention. Hold attention onto yourselves, stay focused on your inner world, personal goals, growth and development. Waste no time thinking at all about men, in fact, man should be the last thing on your mind. Men will naturally be attracted to a woman who is attracted to herself. When he misbehaves, do not try to mold him into the man you need him to be. Instead, pass on him and accept the company of another man. I guarantee that the more men you date at the same time, the more powerful you will become.

 

I wish I could invite you into my home to see how little I have invested into attracting men into my life. I have no sexy clothes, and stopped wearing heels years ago. I own no cosmetics or hair styling equipment. My makeup bag consists only of the most bare essentials. I don’t diet and rarely exercise. I get my hair done, treat myself to a mani/pedi only when it makes me feel good. These days I rarely shave my legs, and on dates men routinely bend down to kiss my knees.

 

My kitchen contains no man food, there’s not a single bottle of beer in the house, only champagne. I own no TV, if he wants to watch a game I instruct him to go elsewhere. My house is minimal because it suits me.

 

My entire lifestyle is designed to please me, grow my interests, adventure to far off lands and live for my own personal pleasure. Even now that I am in a committed relationships, I continue to bask in my solitude, treat myself better than he can possibly treat me, enjoy travel alone (even though we frequently travel together). I maintain my friendships, my interests, my career, as none of those things have anything to do with him. I always have my own time and my own life, no matter which man is in it.

 

The more work you do to attract a man, the more he sees how hard you are trying. The more time you demand from a man, the more he sees how much free time you have. The more you ask for fidelity or commitment, the more he sees how limited your options are. Remember, you are the prize, therefore you should be doing nothing, and he should be doing everything to earn you.

 

Shift your life’s focus onto yourselves. You and only you should be your top priority. Everything else will fall into place. Men will be competing to gain your attention, they will crawl on their hands and knees for you. But to command that kind of respect, stop asking anything of them. Respect yourself, love and adore yourself, invest in yourself, bliss in your time alone, and always keep multiple options open. You must have multiple men in your life at the same time, stay social and keep moving. No man will chase stationery object.

 

S

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You Should Go and Love Yourself

I begin today’s blog post with a quote by Mandy Hale: “ If you don’t love yourself, you will always chase people who don’t love you either”.

 

This one hit a nerve because for decades I was that girl, attracted to the most brutish assholes, the macho men who wore a façade of strength and dominance only to cover up their inner fragility and failings. Self-love was a project I embarked upon after the end of my 12 year marriage, and it has been a spectacular experience.

 

But for the sake of this article, let’s forget how Hale’s quote applies to men and relationships- that’s rather obvious. And, I won’t go into details about how to love yourself, by now I have exhausted this topic. If you are still unclear, check out one of my previous posts or videos.

 

Outside of romantic relationships, I see a lot of women who don’t love themselves when I watch their interactions with family members, friends, and coworkers. There too, we tend to chase people, looking for acceptance, validation, approval and love from people who do not love us. I am not saying those people aren’t capable of love (in fact most are), instead they do not love us. Ouch!

 

The popular belief is that there must be something wrong with those people if they don’t show us acceptance, approval or love. But the reality is, no one owes us that. I repeat, no one owes us a relationship, a friendship, acceptance, inclusion, respect, nor love. It is not their duty to do so, and when they show us evidence that we are not important, it is not because there is something wrong with them. Healthy people do not value nor need people who are not healthy themselves. Respected people respect those who earn their respect, not those who ask, beg or demand it. Interesting people are interested in those who have taken time to cultivate themselves.

 

So, it is up to each of us (if we are healthy, and if we are willing to grow), to accept the responsibility for how we are being treated. Rather than blame others for not showing you love, respect, or inclusion, we must take a painful look at ourselves and ask what is it about me that isn’t loveable, respectable, attractive, or validated. This look into our own selves is very painful for some, and many still chose to find fault in others. But, ladies grow up.

 

Unfortunately, some women are only willing to take this painful overview, when they notice that men are making themselves scarce. Rarely, do they want to see how their lack of love and respect for themselves, turns others off. Do you find yourself chasing people in general? Do friends make plans without you, or only invite you as an after thought? Do family members walk all over you, showing no regard for your feelings? Would dates rather stare at their iPhone rather than pay attention to you? Do people tend to forget to return a phone call to you? Do you tend to fight or argue with people to show you consideration or respect? Well baby, it is time you take a look at yourself.

 

If you insist that they are the ones being neglectful, hurtful, or disrespectful, you fail to take responsibility for yourself. And as long as you keep doing that, you will continue to see more evidence of that kind of treatment. There is nothing you can do to change other people, nor do you have any right to. But, admitting that you have a problem, that you are responsible for how people treat you, is a very powerful understanding, because now you have the power to shift blame away from them, and work on yourself.

 

My biggest monsters in my life were not men, they were my parents and extended family. Growing up, I didn’t even know that I was surrounded by toxic people who didn’t love me, because they didn’t even love themselves. To them, love was about possession, having power over family members, owning them, controlling them. Later in life, I entered many relationships with men who needed to own me, control me, reshape me into their own image, and destroy me when I exceeded them.

 

In terms of friendships, I was in the same situation. My friends too needed to possess me. They expected my undying loyalty and servitude to heal them, shoulder their burdens, teach them, guide them through life, and promise to never leave them. I was the only rock in their lives, and they could only face life’s challenges with my guidance and fearlessness. Can you imagine what a tremendous burden it is to carry all one’s friends? Unlike most of my clients, I wasn’t the one excluded, in fact I was over included. Everyone needed me to be their friend, and not for healthy reasons.

 

So, in an effort to change my relationships with men, parents and friends, I had to cut many people off. In fact, I cut off almost everyone in order to focus my energy onto healing myself. I am not telling you to cut off everyone, but I am urging you to look in the mirror and say I Love You. Does it feel awkward? Try it again? Many of you can’t say that to yourselves, but you definitely will at some point.

 

My project in life was now to learn to love myself. The process is too long to describe here, I have written about it numerous times already. In fact, the sole purpose of TheGoddessPrinciples.Net is to teach women to love, adore and worship themselves. I took two years off from relationships with most people to focus inward, appreciate myself, treat myself to the best things in life, until it dawned on me, just how spectacular I am.

 

I also meditate quite well, and that has been an invaluable experience in balancing my energies, eliminating anger, opening up to love and kindness, and getting in touch with my higher self, which was the ultimate meditation experience. Once I got in touch with my higher self, I understood who I am as a being, what my life purpose is, and how I relate to others when I am at my most powerful self.

 

Rather than trying to relate to others, I started to relate to myself, and that was a life-altering experience. Imagine how amazing it is to discover the real you. Not the you that you show to the world, but the spectacular you that is all powerful, fearless, godlike. This is the inner goddess I teach women to access. And finding her requires a lot of self love.

 

Fast forward to my current life, and I have turned 180 degrees in the opposite direction. I am a virtual man magnet, but more importantly a people magnet. I attract healthier men, the ones who truly value me, respect me and worship me. Men who cannot do that, almost always show their fear and weakness to me up front. I see through people, and block them before they even step forward. Family members have experienced what not having me in their lives feels like. They know now that they cannot manipulate nor own me. That resolve to cut off toxic people from my life hurt them much more than me. And today, they earn a rare opportunity to enjoy my presence, they don’t dare to demand it.

 

My friends are healthier people too. The clingers, the controllers, the energy drainers, the ones who had nothing to add, but tons to take from my life are gone. I now have friends who are complete. They are rare birds, so I actually cultivate those friendships. They are people who have something to offer me too, their energy is healthy, and there is an equal exchange of life lessons, and encouragement. Rather that lean on me and demand I carry them, they are people who have their own path too, and aren’t afraid to walk it alone.

 

And yes, the men in my life are amazing. Almost immediately I noticed that as my love for myself grew, their love for me grew too. The men who are incapable of respect for women, noticed my unshakable respect for myself. They had nothing to offer me, so they walked away. Men who disguise control with displays of love, walked away too, because I loved myself so much, I didn’t allow them to control me for a second, and didn’t flinch when they threatened to walk away. I let them go cheerfully and easily.

 

Since I have been single, in the last 6 years, I have received 4 marriage proposals. I didn’t consider a single one of them, as I understood that the more I evolve, the better the men in my life will be.  Now, I continue to grow my love for myself at a faster rate, because it is such a powerful experience. And I am finally understanding what true love, pure love and unconditional love is.

 

The only love that is eternal is the love for the self. It is the only love that can last forever, the only loyalty one needs, and the only love that will sustain you for eternity. When you love yourself that much, no one can break your heart. You become a fearless lover, undeterred by endings of relationships, because you know that you have the capacity to love even more. I wrote before how I continue to love all my exes. Friends think this would be too painful, but in fact it is very easy. By loving everyone who has walked away anyway, I am absolutely open and fearless about giving away love to those I deem worthy of me.

 

So when I see women chase relationships, friendships or approval of others, I see that in fact, they do not love themselves. Wouldn’t it be worthwhile to invest in the process of self-discovery and self-love? If you are ever wondering how it is possible that some women can have any man they want, any situation they want, and are always surrounded by the best people? Self-love and inner focus are magnets for people who are capable of pure love, people who love themselves too, and that magnetism ensures you will always be included in the best situations.

 

The life I have lived post divorce, is the life I have earned. I worked for it. I worked on myself. I took responsibility for my circumstances, understood it is not up to others to treat me better, but up to me to be better. The investment I made in myself has earned me the most spectacular opportunities in life.

 

I travel the world to the most exotic destinations with the healthiest of companions. They too have invested much blood, sweat and tears into growing themselves, and their friendships are invaluable to me. I have been loved by the most amazing men and I allow them to treat me well and worship me (yes, they really do). Most of all, I want to inspire women to change themselves. It hurts to see women strive to earn love from people. It is a disempowering thing to watch, when in fact, it is only self love that will guarantee the kind of love they dream of.

 S

 

 

 

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Find Bliss in Your Solitude, and You Will Find Yourself

Find bliss in your solitude, and you will find your SELF. But solitude isn’t enough, finding bliss in that state of being, is the key to connecting with the self.

Some women aren’t comfortable in their solitude, because that state of existence feels lonely. Loneliness is a condition of not liking being with the self. It is a state of not appreciating the greatest gift of all, the self.

So how to like, and learn to love the self? Start by dating yourself. Plane spectacular, romantic, luxurious, adventurous dates by yourself. No one else can come along. Create the date you have always dreamed of. Buy yourself flowers, an expensive bottle of wine, take yourself to the beach to appreciate the sunset, but whatever you do make sure you are alone, and that you appreciate every moment.

Soon, you will discover, that the more you appreciate what is right in front of your eyes, the more you will appreciate your own company. In that process, you learn to like, love, and discover the self. It is a long process, and many dates will be needed.

Next, you will discover that the more you like your own company, the more you love and gain respect for your personal time. The more you like your own company, the more you will see that others like it too. Be selfish, and don’t compromise that alone time, by sharing it with other people. You are doing this for your own personal growth and development.

Eventually, you will look forward to your time to yourself. Slowly, you will discover bliss in your times of solitude. When this happens, you will be on your way toward a personal awakening, to a centeredness that leads you to you, to that inner being some refer to as the Goddess. Pay attention to how you feel in thatstate of being, physically, emotionally, vibrationally, and magnetically. The more you align yourself with your inner being, the more your life will change, and the more people, events and things you will attract that match that feeling.

Blissful solitude is the key to self discovery and awakening.

S

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Men Strive to Please Us

All Men Must Serve

It sounds brutish, but it is true. All humans must serve a higher purpose. Without one, life has no meaning. If you have ever experienced an awakening, it was in that moment that you came in touch with your inner self, that inner Goddess, and realized your life’s calling. Men awaken too, and when they discover their purpose in life, they see the world through different eyes, and life has new meaning.

What is God? God is a supreme being, some call her the Universe, some see God as an entity with human-like qualities. God is all there is. What is a Goddess? A Goddess is God, and nothing less. She is not God’s sidekick, his partner, nor his wife. She is God, she is all there is.

We humans worship God for our own greater good. We worship to find inner peace, we get in touch with God to receive guidance, benevolence, and blessings. God does not demand worship from us. Most importantly, we worship of our own free will, for our own benefit, for our own expansion and growth. A Goddess is a woman whom people worship of their own free will, for their own pleasure. She does not demand worship, and she never has to ask for it, nor whine about it. Her magnetic qualities are enough for people to take notice.

Is God available to all? Yes and no. Sure, God is all there is, and is meant for all to be comforted by its presence. But not all have found God, not all have read between the lines of religious texts, not all have understood, and not all have aligned with the energy the universe blesses us with. To receive that, it takes some study, much introspection, painful soul searching, and a willingness to walk our own path.

Is the Goddess available to all? Of course not. Her benevolence is all reaching. After all, she is truly divine. But she does not make herself a slave to other people’s needs, she does not spread herself thin trying to be all things to all people, and she is far from being a people pleaser. She is God, and in being all there is, she is enough.

A Goddess is a woman everyone wants. That is because she creates her own energy, never taking energy from others. She shares her light, her grace and her positive energy with all who worship her. Her energy flows out of her like a powerful waterfall, her light, as bright as any star in the sky. It is there for all to see, and bask in. But she does not owe that to anyone, only those who appreciate it, are grateful for it, and worship it, receive it in abundance.

A Goddess does not punish those who do not worship, that is their choice. When a person isn’t receiving her light, it isn’t because she is withholding, it is because that person fails to see, appreciate, or align with her energy. One must worship God in order to receive his blessings. A Goddess does not bend over backwards to lift up those who are ailing, instead they must rise up to see her light.

A Goddess kneels before no one. How ridiculous would it be for God to kneel before a worshiper? Yet, for her, and only her, all men kneel willingly, out of their own respect and admiration. Women kneel before her too, to receive her empowerment.

A Goddesses purpose isn’t to own people, rule them, manipulate them, or instruct them. Her only purpose is to live her own truth and meet her own desires, and in achieving that single minded focus on her own pleasures, she lifts other up by being an example to those who want the same. Women view her as a source of truth and empowerment, and emulate her to find their own power. Men are absolutely turned on by her, some even understand they will never possess her, nor enjoy her company. That is not because she is virginal, it is because she can, and does have any man she wants.

A Goddess selects from the best of men. It isn’t for society, culture, nor textbooks to define what a good man is, it is for her to decide what will please her now. The most powerful women in the world, do not need men for anything other than their own pleasure. When a woman has reached that level of self-possession, self-assurance, independence, supreme confidence in her own being, she has awakened the Goddess within. At this point, she lives life for her own pleasure, and she alone decides who she will take pleasure in.

The lucky few who are in her inner circle, receive life’s ultimate blessings. Her friends receive her guidance, encouragement, her light, not because they are owed anything, simply because she enjoys their company. Her men, on the other hand, receive a power like no other. And this is what separates mortal women from Goddesses. Mortal women have no power to give a man. They can act as cheerleader, be his comfort and companion, but no man received his power from that.

A Goddess bestows her energy on men who worship her properly, and those blessings amount to superhuman confidence, life’s purpose, inner drive, and sharp focus on attaining their goals, their spiritual and earthly wealth. It is through her, that they receive their power to succeed, something all men crave, And it is for her that they will do it. She needs nothing from them, just like the great God in heaven needs nothing from you. She simply delights in what she receives.

When worshiped to her full satisfaction, to the point when she lives in the state of permanent orgasm, nirvana, bliss, a Goddess blesses the men in her life with a power no woman on earth can produce. This is why in ancient times, and in the present, the most powerful men on earth still take part in Goddess worship. Men who seek power from mortal women, will never find it.

This is something that has been hidden from humanity for thousands of years, and it has been hidden by religious institutions, the very ones people rely on for spiritual guidance. All the world’s religions have hidden this truth from man, and relegated women to the role of man’s sidekick, when in fact, she is the key to riches they never dared to dream of.

Woman is that key that unlocks the gates of heaven. She who knows herself, knows her true power.

Beware, there are countless false Goddesses out there, the majority of which thrive in new-age communities, peddle health foods, diets and yoga poses as ways to reach enlightenment, and refer to themselves by self-glorifying titles. To clarify, I should point out the vast differences between true Goddesses and their mortal conterparts.

A Goddess needs no validation. As God, she has always been valid. She will not ask for your favor, nor will she ask you to trust her, believe her, follow, or respect her. She always has her followers.

A Goddess is a woman who lives life by her own rules only. She seeks no approval from men. She needs no approval from women either. You will recognize her by the fact that some people delight in her presence, while the men who cannot possess her, and women who have no hope of being like her, show extreme disapproval of her. She is never concerned with the critics. She continues to live by her own standards.

A Goddess generates her own energy, her own power.  She shares that positive energy with all.  She does not take energy from others. Ever. To clarify, incomplete human beings, need the energy of others to survive. They seek attention, and look for their purpose in others. Goddesses radiate pure, positive energy at all times. They need nothing to thrive.

In order to generate her light and her positive energy, a Goddess delights in her solitude. In fact, she experiences extreme bliss in her personal time. Often, we spend much time alone in nature, where we connect to earth, fauna, and become one with its energy. Nature is our church (and should be yours too).  A mortal woman craves the energy of others, especially the attention of men, while a Goddess generates her own light in solitude, then blesses others with it.

A mortal woman needs. A Goddess has.

A mortal woman seeks safety, security, and support from men. A Goddess seeks nothing, she is all that.

A mortal can be pleased with attention, commitment, a diamond ring, and a promise to never leave her. A Goddess can be pleased by the quality of the pleasure men provide, and one man’s commitment is of no benefit to her at all. In fact, the more men she is worshiped by, the more power she has.

To some, the Goddess is a vile creature, someone to be persecuted, even eliminated. She is a threat, but not to humanity. She is a threat to those who are not in touch with their own energy, and refuse to do the work for themselves. She is a threat to women who compete for the attention and favors of men, and she is a threat to men who cannot receive her blessings. In fact, we have been eliminated from religious texts, hidden from the eyes of humanity, even burned at the stake.

So how are Goddesses worshiped? Freely and willingly.  You know you are a Goddess when without needing to ask for anything, men strive to be their best for you. We never ask for their attention, never compete for it, we make no effort at all. A man does not owe it to us to worship us, but when he is allowed to do so, his purpose is served.

A Goddess requires no commitment at all. Does God in heaven ask you to never leave him? Does God in heaven ask that you sign on the dotted line that you will obey him? Of course not, you can leave any time, and that God is not affected by your choice at all. Thus a Goddess is not concerned with man’s commitment at all. She can have any man, in fact, she is served by a multiple selection of worthy men at all times. This is, in fact, the true meaning of Goddess worship.

Most women and most men are not comfortable with a woman having this much power, and Goddesses understand that. I don’t expect my clients and readers to approve, most simply view my lifestyle as an inspirational fantasy. Not surprisingly though, the women who contact me for mentoring, are in fact the ones who sense that there is more to life. Many of them have seen a glimpse of the Goddess they are capable of being, and are shedding their mortality to embark on a path to find that inner power. It is a long process, but absolutely worth the journey.

After all, as any religious text will tell you, God is within.

S

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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No One Owes You a Relationship

Somewhere along my path in helping women discover their higher selves and their inner Goddess, I came to realize that for the vast majority of women out there, a relationship is still the ultimate purpose in life. I also realized that what is preventing many of those women from finding what they seek, is the belief that they are owed that, and that if they haven’t received that, their person of interest, usually the man, has failed them in some way.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a loving relationship- we all want that. But, our expectations about what that relationship will bring, how that relationship will fulfill us, and what life will be like if we attain that, is not serving us at all.

 

Once again, I am going to blame media, society and culture, for creating this fictional view of what love is, and how we (especially women) find our joy, our purpose, our fulfillment from that relationship. In fact, many of my clients feel that life is perfect except for that missing piece. When I suggest that they alone are responsible for filling that gap, I hear a lot of resistance stating “I already did that, I am complete. Now, all that is missing is the man”. But, if anything is missing, then obviously you are not complete. It is an impossibility.

 

And so, many women get into relationships for the sole purpose of finding “the one”. Healthy people get into a casual relationship first, because in having no strings attached, they can more rationally evaluate their partner, and determine whether this person complements them. Other people reject casual relationships, and think that strings are exactly what will bind them, and make the relationship stronger, or real. They want the strings first, and if that person allows that, then the relationship can proceed toward a shared goal.

 

Now think about it, isn’t the purpose of dating to see if our partner is a good match? Shouldn’t we observe them objectively, allow them to be exactly who they are so that we can determine if we are compatible? If we are not, it is easier to walk away and find someone better. But with strings, it is harder to leave a situation that does not serve us. We are already bound, and rather than break the strings that might hurt us, some of us choose to stay in the relationship, and embark on a project to convert this person into someone who will fulfill us. When they refuse to give us what we want, be who we want them to be, act in a loving way when they are not sure if they should love us, we act as if there is something wrong with them, as if they are being selfish, when in fact, we are the ones molding an incompatible person to fit our lifestyle and meet our needs.

 

Here is where I see that a lot of women are failing themselves. No, it is not the man’s fault. He already gave you a chance, his time, his attention, and benefit of doubt. He does not owe you more than that. But a lot of women believe, that after they have established a string (whether that is an emotional bond, a physical one, or a guilt trip), they are now owed a full blown relationship that fulfills them. If at this point the man chooses to withdraw, he is accused of everything from emotional immaturity, commitment phobia, psychological disorder, or just plain being an asshole.

 

Is it a crime for a person to choose not to be with us? Is it a crime for a potential partner to keep looking for a person who fits them better? Is it wrong for them to choose not to bond with us? In case it isn’t obvious, the answer is No. A healthy human owes it to him or herself to walk away from that which doesn’t serve them, and keep looking for a person who does.

 

At this point many women feel like they have been cheated out of a relationship. As harsh as this sounds, no, he did you a favor. If you are looking at relationships as life’s ultimate goal, chances are you are looking for fulfillment in a relationship, and that is why they are escaping you.

 

No one owes you a relationship. A man doesn’t owe it to us to complete us, a healthy man will keep looking for a woman who is genuinely complete. A man doesn’t owe it to us to lose himself in our relationship, if he feels there is someone better out there for him. In fact, he only owes it to himself to keep looking. The men who choose to walk away, are not bad guys, they are healthier than guys who let you mold and change them.

 

When a person refuses to commit, they are doing us a favor. They are reflecting something important that we all must accept because it is the adult thing to do. When someone refuses to give you a relationship, it is because we are not who they are looking for, but more importantly we are not who we are looking for. For some, this is a difficult concept to grasp, but bear with me.

 

We must be that which we are looking for. It is not enough to act like it, we have to exude it, that being must ooze out of our pores in order for it to be genuine. If we want pure love from the other person, then we must BE pure love first. Pure is something that is free of need, neediness, strings, ulterior motives, so, if we are not pure ourselves, the other person cannot be either.

 

Looking for a man who is stable and secure? Are you stable and secure in every aspect of you life? Are you really? Because if you were, then you wouldn’t need security nor stability, you would already have that. It sounds like a catch-22, and it is, but we must be that which we want. If we project a false self, the other person reflects that falsehood. Don’t be surprised to then find yourself with a person who has deceived you in some way.

 

When I was healing from a broken heart, and by healing I mean I was not whole, I too was attracting broken people into my life. In fact, many of them were so sick that I wondered how it is possible for me to be in so many relationships with men who were psychologically scarred, and just plain unhealthy? Luckily I am okay with reflecting on myself, and not blaming things on other people, because I never would have picked up on my own sickness. My lack of completeness was attracting broken people seeking completion through me. My faking happiness was attracting people who were faking too, and each of them was reflecting my own instability, fears, neediness as well. Luckily none of those relationships lead to commitment, or I would be a fraction of the human I am today. Luckily, we walked, or ran away from each other.

 

So, when a person chooses to walk away from you, thank your lucky stars. They were not for you, but they were one step closer to a better, healthier relationship. Luckily, you are the sort who learns from experience, and each experience makes you stronger. Just keep walking. No man is supposed to complete you, not a single one of them owes you a relationship, and just because he offers you one, does not mean you are meant to accept it. You are only meant to evaluate it to see if it brings you bliss.

 

If you are not in a state of bliss with someone, he is not it. If he is not changing his actions or behavior to be with you, it is because he is not supposed to. You are a big girl and surely you don’t believe he will become a different person for your benefit. If he isn’t giving you what you need, he will give it to someone he wants to give it to, so keep walking. No one owes you a relationship. You owe yourself a relationship with your self, and the men in your life simply reflect the quality of the relationship you have with that self.

S

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Obsessed with Relationships

Healthy people are not obsessed. By definition, an obsession is an addiction, or a state in which someone thinks about someone or something constantly or frequently especially in a way that is not normal. Another dictionary defines it as the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire.

Could it be said that there is such a thing as relationship obsession? Could it be noted that there are some women so consumed by the need to be in a relationship, that it is their dominant purpose or goal?

But what is a relationship, and does it necessarily have to involve the opposite sex? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my relationships, but when I am not in one, I enjoy my “time off”. I spend time cultivating friendships, charting my global travels, pursuing my hobbies, engaging women in conversation, and in general, enjoying the relationship I have with myself. Somehow, that is always my favorite part about being single.

Are men just as fixated on their relationships? Do they spend hours conversing about whether their next flirtation is going to lead to a Facebook relationship status? Of course, we are raised by different standards, and men are not raised to believe that a relationship will define them, or give meaning to their lives. Yet, it is the 21st century, and now more than ever, many educated, intelligent, independent women are still worried that they are missing out on something.

This is by no means a generalization of all women. In fact, many of us are breaking out from the herd, and wandering off into the sunset by ourselves. Contrary to what you may have heard, we are not lonely, nor despondent. We are happy, we are healthy, we are free, and we live life on our own terms. The reason we are thriving is because we have redefined the word relationship in a way that best suits us.

The world keeps changing, and we embrace that. We understand that there are countless ways to have a relationship and they are all enjoyable, and gratifying. We are not afraid to try new things, experience different types of men, redefine romance, and prioritize ourselves. There is a growing number of women who are waking up and realizing that there is no such thing as prince charming, or if there was, it is okay to divorce him, and try someone else.

We are all okay. We are not broken, and we don’t need counseling. What we need is a new perspective on what it means to be a healthy woman, and a willingness to embrace that. Today, it is more important than ever to insist on defining ourselves. Many of us are still struggling to break free from the rules imposed on us by society, expectations set forth by our parents, and judgment inflicted by the media. It is time we realized that there is nothing wrong with women who are not in relationships, there is something wrong with people who are starving for one.

No kidding, some of us are complete without boyfriend, husband, baby, or diamond ring. Those of us who have those things, are redefining what it means to be a wife or mother in a way that best suits us, and lately, focus on ourselves, our own needs, and personal goals is making some wives and mothers healthier and happier than ever.

I’d love to open my social media feed and see something positive printed about women who have better things to do than chase relationships. How excited are we when our best friend gets promoted to VP, buys her own home, gets the 100th stamp in her passport? Not so much. But when she bashes some man who neglected to text her, or expresses anger that a man won’t give her commitment, we join the pity party and start bashing too. Really? Are men who won’t commit bad men? No, like us, they have choices, and they simply haven’t chosen her.

There is also this toxic attitude that we are owed a relationship. There are still women who believe if we went on a date, we are owed a phone call. We sent out a text, so we are owed a reply. We waited 13 dates before we slept with him, so we are owed a relationship. We dated him for 11.5 months, so we are owed a proposal. Do you see why some women are still beating themselves up when the man doesn’t deliver a relationship status or perform to their expectations? Does he owe us anything? Well, if you made a deal or a contract that you will get a proposal in exchange for a year of happy dating, then maybe. But if you believe that the purpose of dating is to get to know one another, and see if there is an equal interest among both parties, then can you blame a person for choosing not to propose?

The word relationship is defined as the way in which two or more people, talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. We all relate to each other in our own unique ways, so is there a debt to be paid to someone with whom we have spent some time? Is it a crime for a man to walk away?

No man, no baby, no ring will ever complete a woman. Like men, we must find our own purpose, we must know ourselves. There is a tremendous value in being single, and that is the opportunity to define ourselves. That doesn’t happen overnight, in fact, it mostly happens to women in their forties. Without the time to explore, taste everything, make mistakes, find our own path, pursue a career, who are we?

Today, we are the media. We spend more time on social feeds than we do reading actual news. Today we make the news by blogging, sharing posts, and commenting. Perhaps it is time for us to choose a different response to those who report that life is bleak without a relationship. Rather than join the pity party, simply show them how you are thriving on your own terms.

So, the next time you hear a friend complain about lack of relationships, point out her abundance of friends. If she is bashing men for not returning calls, gently point out he had other calls to make. When the media paints a bleak picture of women without men, write letters to the editor or post your comments online, and show them your reality.

Often, I get criticized for speaking too bluntly. And I always have to reiterate that I am not against marriage, relationships, or home. I am for women defining themselves, having numerous choices, selecting from a wide variety of best possible men, exploring the world, charting their own course, and completing themselves. It is only when we experience everything that life has to offer that we become whole.

S

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Hold Wants Lightly, and What You Seek Will Find You

“Hold wants lightly, and what you seek will find you. Hold wants tightly, and what you want will forever elude you” TheGoddessPrinciples.net
Though I am not religious, Buddha’s words always resonate. And though this is NOT a quote by Buddha, it is based on his instruction to want things gently or lightly. Buddha is often misunderstood, mainly because language does not translate without losing much of the intent behind the lesson.

It is important to understand what Buddha meant by the word wanting and how to understand the power of the word. Many modern day spiritualists and yoga practitioners instruct us that we should be free of want.The word want, has been mistranslated over the centuries, but what Buddha truly meant is that we should be free of need, needing, or needyness. The two words are closely related in the English language, and no wonder they are often used interchangeably, but there is a fine distinction between want and need, and it is in how each word feels and the energy that it carries.

 

Focus on each statement separately. I am wanting love. I am needing love. Repeat each sentence a few times and pay attention how each word feels in your gut and your heart. You will notice that want feels more positive. It implies I want and will get. It feels more positive, because there is a component of faith or confidence in that statement. Need feels more negative, as that need is a pining, a hunger, a striving for something I lack.

 

Buddha was trying to warn us to not be needy of things. It is okay to want things, to fantasize about them, no matter what they are, but in order to receive them we have to have some faith that they are coming. There has to be a feeling of confidence that what I want, I will be able to manifest. In need, there is an awareness that it isn’t already here, or on its way to me. There is an element of doubt in that word, as if one knows that the universe has failed them before.

 

The above quote is my own. It is based on my own experience of testing wanting and needing, and observing the manifestations that come from holding each energy. When I want things lightly, they come to me quickly, when I want something badly, desperately, or I pine for it, it never comes. Or, it comes only after I have given up on it.

 

Last year I made a spreadsheet of the things I have wanted, rated them on a scale of 1-10 in the level of wantingness, 10 being I wanted it desperately. And I observed how quickly the goal manifested after I changed my energy on the subject. I wasn’t surprised to see the things I had been pining for years have not materialized yet. The things I struggled with only materialized after I stopped the struggle and dropped them from my list of “wanting badly”. And the easiest manifestations were the ones I wanted gently.

 

How to want gently or lightly? Unfocus from the specific person or object and feel more general. Rather than focusing on a specific lover with particular characteristics, feel like you would want love with an awesome, exciting, loving person. Rather than focusing on sticking to the specifics of a business plan, hell bent on following through each step exactly as projected, focus on the fun of operating a business and meeting unexpected obstacles and opportunities with  welcoming sense of amusement. Know that you will handle each unexpected turn of events with a sense of humor, resourcefulness, and expect that when the universe gives you an obstacle, it is pointing you in a new direction.

 

Wanting gently or lightly means not being hell bent on getting it. It is okay if I receive it, and if I don’t, no big deal. I am happiest with Toblerone and Nutella, but when I receive a Godiva truffle, I enjoy that too.  I am happiest when I am dating a tall, sexy, European with an MBA, but when the universe introduces me to a handsome American with chiseled biceps and a motorcycle, hey, why not be grateful for that too? Wanting things gently means leaving plenty of room for the unexpected and being okay with it too. The universe will keep delivering, as long as you keep wanting and being grateful for its gifts.

 

But, needing it to be exactly as envisioned means leaving no room for the universe to bring you its magic. You say you want your own business, but you are not willing to deal with hot tempers, ungrateful employees, unsatisfied customers, non-paying clients, unethically sourced materials,stressful deadlines or situations that have not been spelled out in your original business plan. Well, now you are wanting something that can only come under very specific conditions. And since each of those conditions is unwanted, basically you are showing the universe you are not grateful for it, and that you have no faith that it is all on its way to you anyway.

 

Does it seem unfair how some people work hard for what they want, yet others receive everything effortlessly?  I proved this to myself when I made a spreadsheet of all my wants and needs, and realized that those things I have needed most, continue to elude me. The things I have received are the things I have completely given up on, become non-attached to, cut my cords with, moved on from, or shifted my energy.

 

Go ahead, make a short list of the things you want the most in life. Aren’t those the things you have been trying to grab onto tightly, or fight for the hardest? Many of you know that I have been practicing the art of non-attachment for years, and letting go of the things I wanted the most. Not surprisingly, by letting go of people, objects and situations I wanted most, I started to receive those things easily. I went from being alone, to being

overwhelmed by how many men shower me with attention and want my commitment.. I went from having no job prospects to receiving multiple offers in a three month period. It is a matter of shifting your energy, and always being honest with yourself. Am I wanting or am I badly needing it?

 

Need is not a good feeling, but understanding that you are in the wrong frame of mind is very liberating. You now know that you have to let it go, so that you can receive something better.

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I Absolutely Love My Crazy, Sexy, Beautiful, Single Life

It’s no secret, I LOVE being single, and I always have. I love the freedom of it, I love getting and staying in touch with myself, exploring my inner Goddess and talking to her every day. I love all aspects of my crazy, sexy, single life. Now that I have freed myself from social expectations, media garbage, and the opinions of friends who don’t enjoy dating, I am enjoying, basking, and exploring the fascinating world of men and dating. I love them all.

 

6 yrs ago as I was freeing myself from a 15 yr relationship, I resolved to have the most thrilling dating, sexual, and relationship experience. I was on a mission to sample it all, learn from everyone, sample the bon-bons in this candy store called life. And what an awesome experience it has been. It is so good, that I have had to step back, and re-evaluate the value of marriage, contractual relationships, and tradition. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against any of those things, but having thrown myself into this wonderland of men, sex and dating, I simply don’t want to leave.

 

The contrast to my experience is all around me. Open any newspaper, read any blog, and you’ll read sagas written by social commentators, psychologists and “experts” about how pathetic it is to be a single woman today. They portray us as lonely, despondent, and disappointed with the choices we made to educate ourselves and advance our careers, because now we can’t have a man who matches our qualifications. This is absolute bullshit, and I urge you ladies to stop listening to this garbage. It disempowers you, and cuts you off from that connection with your higher self, the self that knows that life is absolutely divine, and that the world is your oyster.

 

I am constantly amazed by how many young, energetic, ambitious, fearless women I know today. I am surrounded by women who are happy, growing, exploring, liberated, thriving. We travel the world, can afford the best things in life, treat ourselves very well (much better than any man could). We invest in our personal growth, we walk our own path fearlessly because being single is nothing to fear.  We are professionals, we are exposed, we are worldly, and we are experienced. Apparently, a lot of people, especially the media have a problem with that.

 

Since I founded The Goddess Principles, my mission has been to inspire women to take off their blindfolds. Shut off your TV, better yet, get rid of the relic. Unsubscribe to all mass media, and just say no to the toxic sludge that media feeds you. It is what is making women so depressed.

 

The world is a beautiful place, and it is exceptionally exciting if you are a single, educated woman with some disposable income. The truth I discovered since I embarked on this journey is that there is no shortage of men at all. There never has been, and there never will be. I am constantly surrounded by excellent, loving, giving, affectionate, gorgeous, generous, educated men in my own age group and younger, and they all want me. If you are experiencing anything different, it is because you believe in the shortage.

 

I am not skinnier, smarter, nor more beautiful than an average woman, yet my dating experience is an absolute adventure. In fact, when I was of the mindset that equated a single woman over 40 to a hopeless spinster, all I could see were old, bald, divorced men around me, as part of my reality. But once I rejected the ideas that a woman my age should have to settle for less, once I rejected the attitude that without a man I have nothing, a whole new world opened up.

 

Everyone knows I am absolutely fascinated with the mind, and how it creates its own reality. Much of what we believe about ourselves and our reality is spoon fed to us by media. The mind accepts those stories, and builds a reality from that projection.

 

Today, I have a new reality. I created it by getting rid of my TV, cancelling my subscription to the New York Times, and I religiously protect myself from negative media, bloggers who paint an ugly portrait of the single life. I surround myself with women who are thriving, I join groups of women who are winning, and I absolutely love getting to know women who live life on their own terms.

 

I recently joined a Facebook community of female travelers called Girls Love Travel. If you are looking for inspiration for how real women live and thrive, I urge you to join this group. These are women of all ages, who travel the world, sample all its pleasures, speak freely on all subjects, encourage and inspire women to break the boundaries and just live life to its fullest.

 

Most of my readers know that I coach women into becoming total Goddesses in every aspect of their lives. I do this intuitively, and I channel most of the ideas and information I present to my clients and followers. I truly believe that we are divine, and when we are connected to our inner selves, we shine in the most spectacular way. When we are in touch with that higher self, we are in touch with the truth of what it means to be a woman. That truth is hidden from us, and has been dormant for centuries.

 

Some of us are waking up, stepping outside the box, and seeing that there is a whole world out there. That world is to be explored, for that world is your domain. It is a wonderland of the most beautiful experiences life has to offer, and you are to sample and learn from it all. You are to delight in all of life’s pleasures, and that includes exotic travel, the feeling of independence, fearlessness, laughter, beautiful men, sexual adventures, champagne, lot’s of candy, confidence, self-knowledge, never-ending orgasms, because this is life!

S

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Unconditional Love Comes to Those Who Don’t Believe in Conditions

How can you find unconditional love, if you believe so much in conditions?  We all talk about unconditional love as if it is life’s ultimate goal, but have very little understanding of the concept. I see that those people who pine for it, are the ones who are the most resistant to it.

 

Unconditional love is the purest love there is. By definition, it is love without condition. It is not dependent on anything, or any person at all. It exists no matter what. It exists without an object to love, it exists without a situation, it exists when there is no reason. What makes it eternal is the fact that it resides in you, what makes it end, is the belief that it is about the other person.

 

And so for most people, the burden of keeping love alive falls on the other person, or the situation. If the other person truly loves me, he should love me forever. If the other person continues to behave in the way that we agreed upon, our love will be eternal. If the other person loves me, he or she will give me commitment. If he is truly committed, he will want to sign a contract. IF, if, if. But if the other person has a responsibility to love us, and an obligation to keep the love and commitment alive, then how can we insist that the love is pure or unconditional?  Responsibility and accountability are a burden, not freedom to love.

 

What’s worse is that if that person happens to grow, evolve, or change during the course of the relationship, and as a result of that growth they begin to desire a person who better reflects their new self, then where does that leave us? Betrayed? Disgruntled? Are they now in violation of a contract?

 

And so, many of us still view breakups, divorce and moving on, as some sort of a violation. We view the person who was formerly the object of our love as a traitor, or a criminal for not abiding by the rules we set forth in the love contract. If the contract is broken, surely the love must be too?

 

Many of us still believe that if we can contractualize love, we will guarantee its eternity. If the contract is solid enough, it will protect us from pain, heartache, and prevent that person from later choosing someone else, or moving on. If that person does so anyway, it is the fault of the other person, not us.

 

Yet practically every culture believes that love is a contract. Regardless of whether it is a marriage contract, a verbal agreement, a cohabitation agreement, or a Facebook relationship status, the vast majority of people searching for unconditional love are solely focused on its conditions. And the more adamant the person is about the conditions, the more likely they are to encounter toxic relationship experiences. They connect to people who too have their own conditions, and are then surprised when neither can reasonably meet the rules, expectations, or terms set forth by their partner.

 

This really isn’t most people’s fault. Every soap opera, romance novel, religious edict commands that true love must be traded in exchange for a lifetime commitment. Only when it is traded in exchange for a rock-solid contract, and only when both people behave according to the terms of it, can we boast that we have found pure love.

 

So, what exactly is unconditional love? Without any conditions, pure love is free to be just that, LOVE. It exists no matter what. But how can love exist no matter what, if the person I want, isn’t behaving according to my needs? How can love exist no matter what, if he is looking for love in other places? How can love exist no matter what, if I have no relationship status, if I am not wearing a ring, if he is looking at other women, if he isn’t paying attention to me, if he isn’t completing me, if he isn’t calling, texting, sending me roses?

 

Love doesn’t come in a bouquet of roses, and it doesn’t come from a relationship status. Love is not about the other person at all. Love is you. Is there love in your heart at all times, or is it just there when you find someone to love? Do you love yourself, or do you love yourself only when someone else shows you love? Are you satisfied or are you starving for someone to love? Think about it objectively. Where exactly is that love? Is it inside you, showered upon yourself and other people freely, or is it reserved only for certain situations? Do you love everyone, every day, all day long, or do you love only when someone is giving you a relationship?

 

Pure love is free. It is free or requirements, conditions, rules, or obligations, responsibility, or contracts. It comes to those who do not look for conditions. Though most women I know want marriage, the ones who marry soonest are the ones who never pined for marriage at all. It also comes to those who have dropped marriage as a requirement, and were willing to open up their hearts to love long before a lover showed up.

 

When we look for conditions that will satisfy us, the object of our attention becomes that situation for which we are willing to trade love. But love that is traded in exchange for anything at all is not love.

 

I have said it many times, but it is worth repeating that eternal love is love for the self. That realization was the most powerful moment of my life, because in that instance I realized that I will always have love, no matter what. It resides inside me, and I shower it freely upon all people, because there is always more. I am not afraid of losing it after a breakup. The other person, as much as I loved him is not responsible for it, and he is free to act in his own best interest. I continue to love him anyway, no mater where he is. And I continue to love myself as I always have.

 

That love is eternal because as long as I am alive, it will reside in me. I never believed that I have the right to demand that another person walk my path for all eternity, nor that he should sacrifice his eternity to me. In my opinion that would be heartless and narcissistic. We claim that an animal trapped in a cage is an example of cruelty, but that a human trapped in a contract is somehow virtuous. Really?

 

No, my lovers are always free. They are free to love me as much or as little as they are comfortable. I place no demands because I know that my love for myself will always be greater anyway. They are free to enjoy my company as long as it is pleasant for both of us, I don’t ask for more because my own company is the most pleasing of all. They are free to grow themselves, evolve, make other choices, and eventually walk their own path. I encourage this for my own growth, my own progress, and out of respect for my own path.

 

In learning to love unconditionally and freely, I have observed some remarkable effects. Men respond to me with utmost respect, affection, and devotion. They are striving to please me, study ways in which to be of service, are more giving of themselves than ever before. They seek to bond, express immense care, kindness and passion, and these expressions are beautiful to experience. I keep walking in a state of free love, offering no commitment to anyone because I have not found the one yet. I have no conditions lovers must satisfy, I love them anyway.

 

I believe there are many soul mates, and each one reflects who we are at a particular point in our lives. Right now, I am not ready to commit or marry, and will continue to be single as long as I love being single. That may be a couple of years or eternity, but my point is that as long as I am free of conditions, love flows freely to me at all times. There is no shortage of love, lovers, or loving encounters. It all flows to me in an endless stream of experiences.  I revel in all that is coming my way, without questioning why it isn’t more, why doesn’t it come with a ring, why isn’t he offering me a contract?

 

If you are searching for unconditional love, it would be worth your time to list your conditions. Be kind to yourself, we have all grown up in a world where love was depicted as an unbreakable contract. As you look at your conditions, spend some time pondering what it would be like if those conditions weren’t an option. What would happen if the institution of marriage collapsed? Could you love anyway? What would happen if a fortune teller declared you will never marry? How would you choose to live then, without love?  Could you be affectionate with a person who does not love you? Could you be loving to someone whose heart belonged to someone else, but was willing to offer you his affection?

 

Slowly go through all your conditions and work on eliminating them. This is a process that takes time. Perhaps it is time to change your perspective, or to question society’s expectations, and whether they are of any service to you. When you are able to eliminate all the conditions from your list, you will experience an immense sense of freedom. You will see that there are no more conditions to love, and that now you are free to love all there is. In that place, you will find your center, your true self, your inner being. You will see that it radiates with pure, undying love that cannot be contained. Allow yourself to feel that love without restriction for as long as you can. Then watch. Watch what happens next.

 

As you love freely, you will see that all people love you freely too. They are now free to be with you, in your presence without fear that you will place demands or conditions on them. First you will notice the reactions of strangers. They will profess their fascination,  approval, and interest in you. Let them. Next you will notice changed behaviors of friends. Some will be offended by your unconditional love of them, let them walk away. They are people who need conditions and will not be able to stand your freedom and the immensity of your love. Keep loving them and all there is anyway. Soon you will notice interest from the opposite sex, and see a vast difference in how they now perceive you. Be patient, because as you become comfortable with your newfound love and gain your bearings, the men will keep changing. I guarantee that each one will offer you more, be better than the one before, and reflect your ever growing self. Keep moving. Love them, but free them anyway, there is more for you.

 

It was my experience that the more I opened myself up to unconditional love, and accepted freedom as the only way to love purely, the universe showered me with all sorts of love. In my first year I got asked out by 73 people. Of course I wasn’t interested in most of them, but men kept offering themselves up to me, and that was a beautiful way for me to acknowledge that love is everywhere.

 

No matter what the future brings, I will always have love in its purity. Of that I am certain. Since I found unconditional love I have never been lonely, incomplete or dissatisfied.  It isn’t another person’s responsibility to entertain, complete or satisfy us, that work is our own.

 

S

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When You Fall in Love With Your Solitude, Everyone Wants to Be With You

When you fall in love with your solitude, everyone wants to be with you.

I have always loved being alone. It is my time to re-charge, pamper myself, and quiet my mind. But, I understand that many people don’t like being alone. Some find it uncomfortable, others find sadness in solitude.

 

A few years ago, I started to filter events, people, and situations out of my life, as stress and drama was taking a toll on my inner peace. So, I retreated into myself, and started spending more time than usual by myself.

 

The first thing I noticed was that the more I fell in love with my solitude, the more other people wanted to be a part of it. At first, it was a bit annoying, but later, I realized just how powerful of a magnet I was becoming.

 

To me, there is nothing more precious than me-time. But, I actually fell in love with solitude so much, that I started taking vacations by myself, treated myself to champagne sunsets, scenic road-trips, luxury spa retreats, and exotic foreign destinations. The more I fell in love, the more other people fell in love with how I was living. And, suddenly everyone I knew was begging me to take them along for the ride.

 

This solitude was so appealing to me that it showed in my attitude, my demeanor and my social media posts. The more I fell in love with it, the more others wanted to be a part of it. There is something magnetic about loving your life, your lifestyle, your personal time and yourself. Other people fall in love it it as well.

 

Knowing that I am easily affected by the energy of others, I started to carefully guard my solitude. From past experience I knew that the minute I let in one person into my me-time, that time was no longer precious.

 

I also noticed two things, one a bit annoying, and the other a pleasant surprise. The annoying thing was, that many of my girlfriends whom I was trying to convince to do the same, were adamant about not wanting to be alone, but insisting that I take them along with me. It was as if they found being alone uncomfortable, yet I owed it to them to share my beautiful solitude. My answer was NO, and I am glad I didn’t compromise.

 

The other thing I noticed was how men started to treat me. The more I fell in love with my lifestyle and my time, the more they too wanted to be a part of it. There was a peace they all could sense in being with me, and many men commented how much they would enjoy my company.

 

If you can achieve the same, and absolutely relish your solitude, you will find that people will automatically be drawn to you. But, I would advise you to be very careful with whom you share your time.  Some people wanted to be with me out of a need to fill a gap in their lives. I find this unhealthy, and as selfish as this sounds, I refuse to complete anybody. That places me in an uncomfortable position of being someone’s band-aid, when it is their responsibility to work on, and complete themselves. Other people, also loved to be alone, and they respected my boundaries.

As far as the men were concerned, I applied the same rule. Many wanted to be with me, but that doesn’t mean that I should automatically give them my time.  My time was reserved for men whose company was more interesting than my alone time. Yes, those men are rare, but being able to filter men out of your dating pool is of utmost importance. You quickly get to see why they want your time. Men are needy too (my theory is they are more needy than women), and they too can be a drain on my energy.

Even when I am in a relationship, my solitude remains of utmost importance. Regardless of who he is, he must respect my time, and need to be by myself. The men who understand that are the ones I get along with best, but even that is not enough. Though I never verbally state this, I observe very keenly how much I enjoy their company. If the time I spend with them is not better than my time alone, then I reserve little time for them. And when their company is absolutely enjoyable, I give them more of my time.

This has resulted in me becoming a magnet for people. The friends I attract into my life are now all happy, independent, capable people who are healthy and have complete lives of their own. Nothing is missing from their lives, which makes them very pleasant to be with. And the men I date tend to be the same. They are whole, purposeful, well-rounded, and secure with themselves.

 

They say you attract exactly what you project, and I am living proof. No, the process was not easy, but I am glad I went down the path of self-discovery and finding my peace. Aside from being highly therapeutic, solitude is a spiritual experience that can guide you toward finding your purpose, your center, but most of all, yourself.

S

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I Love All My Exes

There is a freedom, and an immense liberation in loving people anyway. All of those who we have walked away from, those we have lost, those who will never come back. It may be contrary to how we have been taught to love, but religion, romance novels, and dating manuals have taught us to love conditionally.

 

When we love in exchange for something like a relationship, commitment, a ring, we love conditionally. Yet, since the dawn of religion, women have been indoctrinated into believing that love in exchange of marriage, respect, or eternity, is the only kind of love. We have been told that anything else is sinful, shameful, a sign of mental illness or lack of morality.

 

But there is something inherently wrong and absolutely disempowering with this concept. It is no wonder when it comes to love, sex and dating, that women have been disempowered for centuries, left to chase and pine for romance, fidelity, respect, and the ultimate symbol of validation- the marriage contract.

 

But, historically, men have always had a free pass to sow their wild oats, experience love, lust, passion, heartache, rebounds, defeat, comebacks, the chase, and all of life’s guilty pleasures. Experience is power, and the one thing women have been shielded from in the past, is experience.

 

Once I gave myself permission to experience all that love has to offer, I learned just what a powerful creature I am. I found myself on equal footing, and very often above the power any Romeo has in love, sex, and relationships. I am not boasting, I am simply encouraging women to experience more, and do so fearlessly.

 

One of the biggest lessons I learned that has enabled me to make fast recoveries, is to always keep my heart open, and to love people anyway. This is in fact, how we love unconditionally, purely, and fearlessly. When we trade love for a relationship (or anything else we need), we love conditionally. Naturally, when that relationship ends, we think we cannot, or should not love that person any more, and hence the immense heartache, saga, and pain we face trying to now erase that person out of our hearts. But this is unnecessary, and in fact demoralizing because we are now faced with the unattractive truth- we were trading.

 

This is not the woman’s fault at all. Every text ever written about love instructed us that this was the only way to love. The same texts taught us that women suffer for love, that love is extremely painful, and that women must protect themselves from potential of pain or too much experience. And thus, chastity, morality, respectability became more important than knowledge about relationships, and the truth about the power of unconditional love.

 

Years ago, as I was embracing this single life, and devoted myself to learning everything there is to know about love, my personal power, and my magnetism, I made a decision to love unconditionally and without fear of loss or rejection. I gave myself permission to love all men who have hurt me, all men I chose to walk away from, all relationships that taught me valuable lessons but no longer served me.  I noticed immediately, the power of keeping an open heart.

 

Loving someone anyway, gave me a new sense of freedom and liberation from pain.  It also allowed me to keep my power and self-respect, by understanding that the choice to love someone is all mine, and that choice doesn’t end just because someone has chosen to walk away. I still have the same power to love that person as much as I want, and as long as I want.

 

Continuing to love someone long after the relationship is over, is pure love because it is not dependent on a relationship. Continuing to love despite the breakup demonstrates that you never traded love for anything, and the freedom to love remains yours. That is a tremendous power to have in relationships.

 

Knowing that no one has the power to rip my heart open, and take away love, allows me to give love fearlessly, openly and unconditionally. That love doesn’t depend on anyone but myself. It depends on no conditions at all, and I am free to give it to whomever I choose. Does that make me immoral? No, it makes me a very powerful woman. Men can’t play games with me, I don’t crumble. When they see how freely I let them walk away, and keep walking, they beg to come back.

 

I don’t love freely to manipulate men- a Goddess doesn’t need to do that. I love freely, to be love.  I am love at all times, and shower worthy people with love energy when they are in my presence. I shower exes with love long after they leave, send them positive energy, wish them the best, hope they find better lovers than I ever was, and genuinely love them forever. Does it hurt? NO. The love remains in my heart forever, no matter where they are. Do I take them back? No. I have more love to share with men who have more experiences to show me. Am I cold or heartless? Ask anyone who knows me, and the answer is a resounding No- I radiate love.

 

Love is NOT in the other person. As long as you believe this, you will hurt when men walk away. Love is in YOU. As long as you know this, no one can take it away from you. You are free to love anyway. You are free to love as long as you want. And you are free to let people go, knowing that it is in everyone’s best interest. As far as I’m concerned, that is a powerful way to be.

 

Once I understood that love resides in my heart, and not in someone else, I understood what it means to love forever. It is ridiculous to demand any person devote their life and their eternity to me. I won’t be dependent on that fairy tale. True love is without condition, and without a contract. Pure love is always free flowing, no matter where the other person is.

 

Many people accuse me of being anti marriage, relationships, or romance, but nothing can be further from the truth. I have had all of those things, and will always continue to have them. I respect marriage, I simply teach women to not pine for it. I love romance, and my newfound power has drawn to me hordes of men expressing love and devotion to me. I revel in my magnetism, and teach women how to draw that power onto themselves.  I believe that every women owes it to herself to love herself openly, experience men shamelessly, and wield her personal power until she glows in her own divinity.

 

As always, no apologies and no regrets.

 

S

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Shhhh….I’m Busy Being Worshiped

Shhhh….I’m busy being worshiped.

The more my inner Goddess comes out, the more men are willing to crawl on their hands and knees for me. The more sure, the more self-possessed, the more independent I am, the more they need me.

I wasn’t always like this. Like all women, I spent years trying to figure out the opposite sex. But unlike most women, my goal wasn’t to get a man into a stable, long-term relationship, it was to get the upper hand, become empowered, and make them worship to me.

I finally figured it out, when I dropped the “finding a relationship” garbage, and decided to invest in a relationship with myself. For 3 years, I was my top priority. Every spare minute was reserved selfishly to myself. Every spare dollar was invested in treating myself to everything I knew I deserved.

I studied the world’s most powerful women, the most admirable ones, and found that they weren’t amazing because they followed social norms, or allowed anyone to define them, instead they broke all rules, followed their own bliss, and developed a ‘who gives a fuck’ attitude.

In doing that I started to appreciate myself, discover my inner Goddess that I had been suppressing for years, and letting it all come out. I stepped on a lot of toes, pissed off many friends, said good-bye to toxic relationships, and family members who were making me sick, and realized, I really like the real me. The real Sherry is ballsy, opinionated, worldly, fearless, loves champagne too much, dates younger men only, says exactly what she thinks, is adventuresome, brazen, and believes that life is a candy store, and all candy must be sampled before I die.

So who was I all those years, and why the hell was I so proper? If being polite, soft-spoken, reserved and supportive is what defines a woman, then I’m okay with not being one. Use whatever name for me you like, but I am okay not being a respectable woman. My best friends, bosses, and men who couldn’t have me, have called me a bitch, selfish, a heathen, a witch, insane, pathetic,  in need of counseling.

The simple fact is I eat cake every day, and I truly enjoy my life. I have no inner conflicts, I seek no one to complete me (trust me, many men are dying to have the chance to complete me). I travel with friends, but my favorite pass time is to explore the world solo. I don’t fear men, relationships, heartache, don’t whine about my biological clock, because I don’t have an expiration date.

I am okay with who I am, and once I started to worship myself, men started to do that for me. In years of experimenting and learning from relationships I realized that the one missing piece was ME. As soon as I really saw myself as supreme, as the one to be chased, wanted, pleased, and worshiped, the tables turned automatically, and men started to make me their top priority.

For me, this is now effortless. I have learned to not lift a finger in the relationship, My only work every day is to get in touch with me. I am still my most important project, and I revel in exploring myself, my mind, my body and my inner Goddess. And the new man in my life revels in me too.

The beauty of living like this is that I realized that there is no shortage of men out there at all. There is an over abundance of men my age or younger, who are willing to worship me. In the last six years that I have been single, I have not encountered a single man who did not want more of me, either more of a relationship or more commitment than I was willing to give. I have received three marriage proposals, and believe I am about to get a fourth one. I am not bragging, I am simply pointing out that I have changed my perception of myself, and almost immediately, people and men started to worship me.

My goal with these posts is to inspire women to review their self perception. Are we being true to ourselves when we let society define us? Is it worth to spend years in search of a husband, when men should be chasing us? Trust me, I discovered that men need women much more than we need them, and they need marriage, babies, reassurance and commitment, much more than we do.

So consider turning the tables. You’d be surprised what you discover. Your true power lies in your inner world. Isn’t it worth exploring?

S

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See the World Through Different Eyes

The world isn’t starving. You are.

Experience is life’s greatest teacher. Immersion in the unknown, the unexpected, and absolutely frightening can be a life altering experience.

I found myself, when I set off on a quest to experience the extraordinary through traveling solo. I discovered myself, my uniqueness, my fearlessness, my independence- those characteristics I love about myself the most.

I also began to see the world through different eyes. I came to understand that there is nothing wrong with the world, and that we don’t need to fix it. There is something wrong however, with people who see something wrong with the world. So rather than fix it, I began enjoying all that the world has to offer.

In my travels through India, Cambodia, Thailand, and Africa, I encountered what looked like extreme poverty. The more I immersed myself, and allowed myself to experience people and children up close, I realized that they are not poor at all, in fact, they do not see themselves as poor. They don’t even understand the meaning of the word.

We judge their condition by our own standards, and assume that what is necessary for us, is also what is missing from their lives. But, most of the countries I mentioned have never had clean water, nor what meets our health codes. Most villagers have never had electricity, running water, nor air conditioning, nor do they care if they have them. Most of their children, despite a lack of school supplies, are bright, aware, informed, ambitious, responsible, accountable, and well behaved.

So rather than set out to change the world and improve it in our own image, perhaps what we need to do is get out there to change ourselves. If there is something missing, it is within us, if there is something wrong, that is within us too.

Seeing the world as oppressed, hungry, in need of repair is a sign that in some way, those conditions reflect our inner being. So, please don’t land in a foreign country with a mission to teach them, improve them, or fix them. Arrive with your heart and mind open, and allow yourself to be taught, improved and repaired.

S

 

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I Am The Woman Of My Dreams

Let me make myself clear: I am the woman of my dreams. I really like myself, in fact, I adore myself. I make no apologies for that. I am educated, polished, worldly, experienced, adventuresome, stubborn, tough, unapologetic, fearless, sexy, young, kind, well-liked, confident, opinionated, outspoken, a leader.

I reject tradition, religious dogma, gender roles, social norms, older men, control, regulation, attention seekers, labels, decorum, political correctness, dependency, anything that limits my free will.

I live life to the fullest. I travel the world solo, and with good friends, I drink champagne all day. I drive fast cars, buy myself diamonds, treat myself to beautiful objects. I love younger men, and have no problem experiencing them. When I am 99 years old, and laying on my death bed, I will be smiling.

To some, liking myself this much may be considered narcissistic. Not sorry that some have a problem with that. I live my life by my rules, and make no apologies for that. I treat myself better than anyone else could ever treat me- not because I am compensating, or seeking validation, but because I totally deserve it.

I would love it if every woman loved herself this much. I would love it if every woman made herself priority number one. No matter what. I would love it if every woman spoke up for herself. I would love it if every woman realized that a Goddess is not some mythical creature fabricated by ancient religions.

I am real.

S

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In a Permanent State of Orgasm

Every human being comes into this world absolutely in love with itself. Just look into a child’s eyes, and you will see nothing but ecstasy in any given moment. The wonder of discovering one’s toes, the absolute pleasure of seeing your belly button for the first time. We laugh uncontrollably, unconditionally, at the sight of anything at all. This is the epitome of self-love.

But somewhere around age of 1, (about the time we start walking), we start to discover the world around us. Though we are not fully self aware, we begin to explore our surroundings and as we fall, break objects, or bump into things, we begin to hear the word No.

In their best intentions, they start using the word N to protect us from harm. But what is No? It is denial. It is denial of what we want right now that will please us most, in the now.

As time progresses, we hear more No’s, but we also learn to mimic people around us. We begin to talk the way they talk, to move the way they do, to absorb the energy, attitudes, and feelings of grown ups around us. When they laugh, we laugh. When they hate, even though that doesn’t feel right, we try to “feel” for our parents and understand how and why they hate.

Eventually, our feelings toward us are the feelings our parents project onto us, as well as the feelings they have for themselves. Self love, though a natural part of the soul, begins to extinguish, and we begin to accept society’s idea that self love is somehow shameful, selfish, conceited, narcissistic, and wrong.

Forty years later, a woman is struggling to understand how she can possibly love herself. It may not even be a goal to love herself, until she realizes that she cannot find someone to love her, until she accomplishes that task. But really, why do we deny the most basic human need to other humans?

Self-love should be taught in schools. It should be encouraged in every child no matter how much society screams against it. After all, would we need organized religion if we were all in love with ourselves? Probably not. Would women be starving themselves, pining for men, worrying about their biological clocks, obsessing over anything, voraciously reading romance novels, and believing in fairy tales and prince charming if they were absolutely in love with themselves? No. Instead, we would have a healthy view of our selves, and in that immense self appreciation we would be aware that we are Goddesses.

I find that later in life, women embark on a project to get to know themselves, and learning to appreciate ourselves with all our flaws is a monumental task. Most only accept the bare minimum they need in order to get by.

But what is a Goddess? Take a look at a little girl, and you will have your answer.

She is absolutely happy with herself. She is content to play all by herself in her room with her toys, but when others join her play, she treats them kindly.

She needs nothing, because she has everything. At a young age, she has no obsessions, no self denial, no worries, she is not aware of any of her flaws.

She has no need for men or boys. She has no need for girls or friends to fill holes in her life. She is not even aware that a boy could in any way fulfill her needs, or improve her life in any way. That is because she is aware of her inner truth. No one can fulfill her, complete her, or do anything at all- she revels in her own perfection.

Kids are not aware of lack. But at a certain age, they begin to absorb like sponges an awareness of what is missing in their lives. As they become aware of what is wrong, they lose sight of what is absolutely perfect.

Adults show them that we cannot be happy unless we have someone to love us. Wrong. A child knows inherently that love is for the self. A child knows naturally that happiness is everywhere. A child knows with 100% certainty that he/she is all there is. A child is the universe all by itself. And we indoctrinate that child with the opposite of truth.

When in doubt, ask yourself how would a little Goddess see herself. Would she select the best possible box of candy for herself, the biggest ice-cream there is, or would she choose the tiniest, yuckiest treat for herself? A Goddess will chose the best for herself at all times. Do you choose the best man, or do you settle for the one who will have you? Do you buy yourself the best shoes you can afford, or do you tell yourself you don’t need to show off? Perhaps you have forgotten what self love is.

Does a little Goddess know that she will be judged by how she learns to accommodate men, does she care if boys will accept her, does she know that she has a biological expiration date? Does she dream of being an astronaut and is she even aware how difficult becoming one would be? NO. All she knows is she is going to be an astronaut. What you have accepted in life, is what you have settled for. But, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve more.

Being in love with oneself, is giving yourself permission to want the best for yourself. This is not narcissistic. This is healthy. Being in love with yourself means being okay when others have more, or better. We are so in love with ourselves, we don’t seethe with envy when someone is doing better, instead we clap our hands and wish them even more.

A woman who is absolutely in love with herself feels complete at all times. She does not obsess over relationships, friendships, or other people. She is all there is, and she is perfectly content. Ironically, this is the Goddess most men dream of, and rarely meet.

A woman who is absolutely in love with herself does not judge others, especially not other women. She understands that they too are walking the path toward self-discovery and allows them their mistakes, their flaws, their experiments, their self-expression no matter how they chose to live.

A woman who is absolutely in love with herself walks in a permanent state of orgasm. You may have heard Buddhist and Hindus refer to this concept. She walks in Kundalini. This is the moment when a woman awakens, discovers her power, her inner Goddess, and is so in love and in awe of herself, the experience is orgasmic. At that moment she realizes, no man could ever fulfill her. She is all there is.
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No One Owes it To You To Grow With You

Spiritual growth is a personal journey. It requires a certain level of self-possession, to embark on a path all by oneself. It is this path of solitude that teaches us to become self aware, self reliant, self expressive, self possessed. It is the process of facing our worst fears on our own, that teaches us to become fearless. It is the process of walking in complete darkness that causes us to awaken.

To find yourself, you must be willing to be by yourself. You must embrace solitude as you would embrace a lover. Solitude is life’s greatest teacher, yet so many of us dread it.

Most of us have experienced the dread of solitude, but that experience is not enlightening at all. We all know what it is like to be alone, feel lonely, and yearn for someone to join our journey. That experience is NOT the path to personal growth.

It is the Love of solitude that allows us to increase awareness of the world around us. It is the Love and Worship and Embrace of solitude that allows us to experience the universe, nature, and all its gifts.

I am often contacted by people seeking guidance in finding themselves. When I inquire about their solitude, I receive combative responses about how solitude is Not what they are after. Instead, they are seeking peace, serenity, love, bonding, safety, security and forever. What they are telling me is that their solitude was an unpleasant experience. What I am encouraging is to find the beauty in solitude. There is no growth at all, until we can shut off the world around us, and revel in its stillness.

You see, there is a different kind of solitude than the one society tells us to be afraid of. There is such a thing as a powerful, meaningful, beautiful solitude, that opens our eyes and ears, balances our energies, and flings our hearts wide open. It lights us up like shining beacons, and once we see the beauty in its mystery, there is no going back to the life of a mortal.

We have all heard the saying “God helps those, who help themselves”. What does that mean? Admittedly, I am not fan of organized religion nor its doctrines, but there are many shreds of truth buried between the lines. The saying means that you must take your life, your spirituality, your growth into your own hands, and become solely responsible for it. Only then can you see the light.

Demanding that others teach you, guide you, support you, be there for you, hold your hand through the difficult process, is the furthest thing from the path. It guarantees that you will not find it.

Spiritual growth is a path of divine solitude. It is a path that is open to everyone, but only some have the courage to embark upon in, and do the work. Those few are the ones who are truly deserving of the gifts, the magic, the light, the guidance, the knowledge, and all its blessings. The work is your own, and if you want to receive, you must help yourself.

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Bartering Sex for Commitment- Are You a Trader?

People speak of loyalty as if it is something they’re entitled to. Ask for it, and stand in dismay, when you don’t receive it.

It is those same people who give away loyalty to anyone they like or need, and expect loyalty from everyone in return. But just because you offered your loyalty to someone, does not mean they should give it back to you so easily.  Can cheap and easy loyalty be counted on? Of course not.

My loyalty is to be earned. Sorry you think that sounds egotistic, but my time is precious, and I won’t waste it being loyal to people who don’t deserve me. Who deserves my company? Only those who have EARNED my respect, earned my attention, earned my trust, and earned my loyalty. That takes years to earn, I don’t hand it to people on a silver platter.

I have a problem with transactional relationships, where something is offered and something expected in return. Let’s face it, most of our romantic relationships are transactional. Women are told to gift sex in exchange for commitment. We are told to prove our loyalty to a man first, and then if we are good enough, he might give us some commitment in return. Some day, eventually, when he deems necessary.

But transactional relationships are not pure, and they rarely serve women at all. You can be sure that when you trade anything in exchange for respect, you will be treated like a trader, and definitely not with respect. And here is where culture, tradition and religion fail women.

To be good women, we have to show proof of loyalty, obedience and commitment up front, in exchange that he will some day, after he has sewn his wild oats, offer us the same. We are told that if we invest ourselves into building a relationship, and only give sex to a person we are in a relationship with, that we will be rewarded with a marriage contract, a solid and stable future, and only then can we be whole and validated.

It is no wonder that some women are calling bullshit! Many of us still cling to the tradition of trading our unswerving loyalty in exchange for the fairy tale, but many are waking up and realizing we have been duped into trading since the dawn of mankind. On one hand we are told by religion, tradition, and academics that this is the only way for a woman to be, but on the other hand, women who have been “trading” have been called manipulative, whores, gold diggers, and soulless.

Do you see the unfairness, and the emotional damage this has caused woman? Yet this is the prescription we have all been sold, since the dawn of mankind.

I for one, do not trade. My loyalty is not for sale, and neither is my respect, my trust, nor a relationship with me. In short, you cannot buy my friendship, my commitment, nor my respect. Not under any circumstances. So what do I do?

I am fully aware of who I am as a person, my goals and ambitions, personal morals and ethics, my emotional and physical needs, and I know what I want. I have no problem stating it, and I have no problem receiving it. In that awareness, I am always evaluating people on whether they meet my current needs as a friend, a lover, a business partner, or a sexual partner.

It is perfectly OK if they are not meeting those needs at all. They are entitled to being who they are, just as I am. If we are not a match, I walk away. This is not cruel, nor cold, it is a sign of self-respect.  I do not owe it to that person to try to teach them, change them, better them, or twist their arm into treating me the way I want to be treated. They owe me nothing either.

Getting to know someone is simply a time to assess a person’s characteristics and determine if they fit my needs. There is no trade of expected behavior in exchange for time and attention, no trade of physical intimacy in exchange for emotional intimacy, no trade of loyalty in exchange for respect.

Trust me, when you trade any of those things women have been taught to trade for centuries, you will be reduced to a trader, and you will lose your self-respect.

Because I know myself, I am always aware of my boundaries, my personal limitations, and my needs. Unlike some women, I am capable of having sex with a man I am attracted to, and asking for nothing in return. No, this is not some dating tactic where I pretend to walk away, only to pique his interest- that would be juvenile manipulation. Instead, it is who I am, it is me, meeting my physical needs without bartering sex for affection or commitment.

Living on my own terms, and not expecting any frog to turn into a prince, has lead to a lot of men offering me their time, affection and commitment too soon. You see, my lifestyle had unintended, though positive consequences.  As a woman who does not trade, I have earned respect and attention from men who rarely give that to any woman. I have been offered marriage contracts, special treatment, undying loyalty, and much more from every frog I have ever kissed.

But here is where I differ from most women. Just because men offer me their world, does not mean I owe them my loyalty. After all, a frog is a frog, and just because he is dying to be my prince, does not mean that I have to take him.  My standards remain high, because I am not looking to turn a frog into a prince, I am looking for a man who fits me. I am not looking to fit myself into a man’s world, he should fit seamlessly into mine. I am perfectly capable of assessing where he falls short, and not making excuses for him. I keep walking because I haven’t met anyone worth stopping for.

I recently met a man who may fit that bill. He is kind, open, authentic, supportive, secure with himself, honest, affectionate, giving, respectful, human. We recognize each other. No demands are being made, because we see in each other those things we have in ourselves. We play no games, in fact we text without reserve, communicate forthrightly, place all our cards on the table face up. Neither of us is worried about getting hurt. Why?

Because we are not trading. We give ourselves openly without expecting something in return. We ask for no respect, as each of us is respectable and fully capable of respecting people who have earned it. There are no demands of commitment, declarations of intentions, discussions of relationship status. None of that matters.

It is too early to speculate what this relationship is. We are both okay with it being nothing at all. It is simply two people enjoying each other’s vibe, each other’s time and affection. Every relationship, regardless of status or its level of seriousness should be like this. This is the definition of a relationship that is pure. It is free of needs, neediness, ulterior motives, speculation, insecurity, and free of the need to contractualize it.

 

It is also free of drama, relationship anxiety, mind games, completely detached from what experts claim is the proper way to manage a relationship. It is not being managed at all. We are both comfortable with it being undefined, ambiguous, status-free, in short, we are both enjoying it exactly the way it is. Two uncomplicated people, with their hearts wide open, giving everything, but trading nothing, is exactly how every relationship should be.

S

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Offer No Loyalty to Men Who Do Not Meet My Needs

 

If women stopped sleeping with men who don’t respect our choices, our bodies, or our humanity, we wouldn’t still be fighting for our rights in the 21st century.

If women compromised their belief systems less, and understood the importance of selecting only men with proven track records, we would be so powerful. The minute she begins to work on accepting him with all his shortcomings, she begins to compromise herself, and she has just lost his respect. After all, if she is willing to accept less dignity, less fair treatment, less worship, lesser behavior, eventually, she will forget she is a Goddess.
Scrutinize more, and make no excuses for men who don’t worship you. Women are suffering from a major guilt trip imposed by the media. We are told that we are too picky, too choosy, too selfish to be investing in our careers, and are scared into believing that if we don’t settle on time, we will be sentenced to lonely spinsterhood. But such fear mongering, presses too many women to settle down, way down.

Unfortunately, many believe that it is more important to have a man, than it is to be with a man who respects and honors us, as well as other women. How careless it is to ignore his history of treating other women, the keeping of his past commitments, his voting record, his personal belief system?

Too many women are quick to look the other way, compromise, and make excuses for a man who has no track record in honoring women at all. We have all been guilty of this in the past, after all, it is a part of our learning process, and personal growth.

But being in a wholesome relationship means being with a person who honors you, not just with words, but with deeds, with proof, and with his voting record. Are you compromising too much?

Personally, I have always been happier alone, than in a relationship with someone who doesn’t show me respect. The older I grew, the more I realized how this belief honors me, how it empowers me, and how much more respect I command when I am with a solid man in a healthy relationship.

It took years to learn how not to compromise myself- I admit, I am a slow learner. But today, I love the woman that I am. I love my choices, my opinions, my stubborn loyalty to myself. I am not loyal to men who do not meet my needs, nor to men who make no effort to meet them. You shouldn’t be either.

Loyalty is something that must be earned, not something you should be quick to give away.

S

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Any Effort to Keep a Man in Your Life is Way Too Much

If you are doing anything at all to keep a man in your life, you are doing way too much. Any effort on your part, shifts the power away from you, onto him, and we all know what happens when you give up your power.

You are enough. And if you believe that you should bend over backwards, stand on your head, or make nice just to appease him, you are not being true to yourself. Contrary to mass media scare tactics, there are plenty of good men out there in your own age group.  The fact that you are with one, who is not making you happy, simply means that you two are not a good match.

He doesn’t owe it to you to change for your benefit, or become the man you need him to be (that only happens in fairy tales and cheesy romance novels), and you do not owe it to him to compromise yourself. Remember, man is not the prize.

If you do anything to change yourself, in order to keep him in your life, you are compromising yourself, and that is a very disempowering habit.  Women are told that they must do anything to secure the love a man, but that is wrong. We should only do as much as they do for us, and only when that man has proven he meets our needs.
We all deserve good relationships with people who fit. The fact that you are “working on yourself”, catering to his mood swings, and figuring out ways to accommodate him just to make hims stay is a sure way to lose his respect, and the respect you should have for yourself.

Goddess understand that we are the prize. No we are not conceited, pretentious, or manipulative. We are powerful, self aware, and respect ourselves too much, to stand on our heads to retain men.  We also understand that no man owes us a relationship, security, nor his life. We take care of our own needs, and the men in our lives are highly appreciated when they are a good fit. We do not seek to change them into better men, we let them go so that we can find someone who is a better match to us.

Have you ever met a man with whom you have so much chemistry, that no effort is needed?  Someone who just fits?  We have all stumbled into relationships with people who are such a good match that the relationship is simple and effortless. That is an indicator that the two people are in sync. No one has to change for anyone else’s benefit.  No one is making unreasonable demands, and neither partner has to work on pleasing the other. When you find that, you keep it, but in the mean time, understand that a healthy man will not change himself for your benefit. Instead, he will keep dating until he finds the woman who fits his lifestyle. You owe it to yourselves, to do the same.

Self-respect is the most important quality a Goddess possesses. And self-respect means being in touch with who you are as a woman at all times. Know what you want, articulate it clearly, and if he doesn’t deliver, do not hang around to find out if he will change his mind later. You will be waiting a long time.
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How to Date Like a Mindless Idiot

Here is my guide for how to date like a complete dolt. It guarantees much frustration, too many girls nights out, bitching and whining that he won’t commit, counting the months to your biological expiration date, compromise, compromise, compromise, until, finally, one day, you too can win the husband race, and settle down with a willing participant, who has over-sown his wild oats, and is now ready to settle into a contractual relationship.

 

Rule #1:  Buy a Dating Manual Specifically Aimed at Marriage Minded Women

 

For good measure, buy six, you never know, you might stumble across one that has that magic formula about how to make him commit. Have you ever noticed that all dating manuals are the same? They all promise to teach you how to push a man’s buttons into getting him to pay more attention to you, call rather than text, communicate his feelings, treat you with respect, perceive you as different from other women, and then collapse to one knee with a romantic proposal, you try so hard to resist.

 

American dating culture is all about following rules. Regardless whether those rules are written by dating “experts”, PhDs, social biologists, or religious leaders, they all profess that a woman must go to extraordinary lengths to compete for, then manipulate a man into a relationship. After all, the sheer idea of following rules, or an instruction manual to get to Yes, is a form of manipulation. We are told to look a certain way, act a certain way, say the right things, text very little to pretend you are so busy, he will have to now compete for us.

 

Has anyone ever won the texting game, and secured a man’s undying affection by carefully timing her texts, or waiting until the 23rd date to have sex? No. Yet countless fools, both male and female believe that steps must be taken, and correct buttons must be pushed in order to affect the behavior of the opposite sex.

 

Rule #2  Believe That Dating is a Perplexing Concept That Requires Calculated Moves

 

Act too interested up front, and he will lose interest right away. State clearly that you are marriage minded, and he will disappear. Be available on Friday or Saturday night, and you’ve just lost his respect. God forbid you aren’t mysterious enough, or don’t know how to confuse a man with your hot/cold attitude, and you are destined for spinsterhood.

 

Has anyone ever played this game, and stumbled into a soulmate while walking on egg shells? I don’t think so. Perhaps, a few drones who would rather follow instructions than smile have found each other following “Dating for Dummies”, but most humans think and feel, and have a natural need to say what they feel regardless of whether a book approves of your timing or choice of words.

 

Rule #3  Believe that Man is a Prize

 

I am always so happy to see that the younger generation of women (20’s) no longer believe in the husband race, nor the idea that a man is something to be coveted. Perhaps we can all learn something from the millennials, as these ladies are the least likely to chase men, pine for commitment, worry about spinsterhood (a legitimate concern 100 years ago), and are deeply offended by the idea that a biological clock will turn them into miserable, childless hags.

 

Instead, these women date freely, make their own rules, break them, and move on. Knowing that they are more likely to earn more than their mates, and bear the most of the financial and childcare burden, they are living it up. They travel the world, plunge into exciting adventures, live in the moment, and experience everything. Best of all, they are starting to realize that they are the prize, (we have been all along), and so they reject traditionalism, convention, and media that still insist there is something wrong with a woman who has not secured a man. I love millennial women!

 

Rule #4  Believe That Men and Women Have Different Needs

 

It is Ok for him to date multiple people at the same time, while it is not acceptable for a woman to do that. (Women over 40 particularly fall pray to this nonsense). It is Ok for a man to have casual, meaningless sex because they have biological needs, but a woman who does the same is unhealthy, pathetic, or a whore. Personally, I think there is something very wrong with women who judge other women, but that’s a topic for a later post.

 

The belief that women are programmed differently than men, and that they have different sexual needs was put forth by the scientific and medical establishment well over a 100 years ago. Women had very little ability to earn a living, limited options to remain independent, so their sexual needs were less important- it was crucial to secure a solid, working man in those days in order to survive. But today, those limiting beliefs have to be reevaluated.

 

I have observed (by no means a scientific argument), that the younger a woman is when she becomes financially independent, the greater the likelihood she will become sexually independent as well. And this is a beautiful thing. Financially independent women in their 40s are likely to be liberated, but tend to still carry a lot of limiting beliefs about how women are meant to be more reserved.

 

But when I speak to twenty somethings, I see that they have a refreshingly independent view of their sexuality, shun tradition and social norms, and are more likely to think for themselves, set their own boundaries, and make their own rules. For that, this generation is the most criticized? I love the fact that the younger women are enjoying dating, their sexuality, and making their own relationship rules. These young women prove that females have sexual needs, they don’t have to conceal them, nor suppress them. I wonder how many years it will take for “experts” in the medical community to catch up to this concept?

 

Rule #5   Read Mass Media

 

Hell, even the New York Times will occasionally expel a brain fart, and conclude that NYC is full of aimless, miserable, single women, who have invested too much in their careers, and missed the boat to reproduce. We are told that these women are lonely, crotchety, and desperate, and that they have turned to work as a way to compensate for their inadequacies.

 

If you fall prey to this shit, you are no different than the millions of mindless drones who quote mass media and statistics that prove how the odds are stacked up against them.  Once you believe this garbage, it becomes your reality, so don’t drink their Cool-Aid.

 

This is an area where I have proof of the opposite. For the past 16 years, I have been organizing parties for one of the world’s largest social networks. I have been planning gatherings and trips for singles on the east coast, and I can tell you that professional women in their late 30’s and early 40’s are far from frustrated. In fact, they are living it up.

 

Free from pressure to settle down, way down, they spend money on global adventure, self improvement, personal growth, but most of all, on themselves. Sorry if this offends some people, but this is a good thing. Finally, women are doing the best that they can, for themselves. They are not lonely, in fact, the most confident ones are the ladies who make dating rules of their own. Who cares if they are juggling multiple men? They are not embarrassed to be dating younger, they are quite proud of it.

 

But here is what I observe at events I host. The nightclubs are packed, and women are looking gorgeous. They are surrounded by other women, as well as men in their own age group or younger. These women have redefined relationships. Some men in their circle are “friends”, others are “friends with benefits”, some are just a hookup, and others are in their periphery as potential prospects.

 

At the opposite end of the bar, are the “older gentlemen” as they like to call themselves. They sit alone, order the most expensive drinks, and offer them indiscriminately to practically any woman who passes by. More often than not, they are divorced, have a negative opinion of women, and are now entitled to a younger woman to assure themselves of their manhood.  When a woman accepts their drink but walks away after 15 minutes of conversation, they act like they have been cheated out of $15, as if they deserved more time than that. But when a woman politely declines, she doesn’t know what’s good for her.

 

My question is, why hasn’t the media picked up on the misery of aging, older men? They are the ones at the losing end of the women’s empowerment movement? These are the guys who divorced their PhD wife, in an attempt to sow their wild oats with younger models they were taught they were entitled to.  But the world has changed, and it is no longer 1969. They are shocked to discover that today, women would rather buy their own drink, if it means we get to avoid being surrounded by silver haired grandpas who want to show them what a real man can do. They are dismayed to hear we now like younger men, go off on adventures we finance ourselves, and that sugar-daddies are for women who can’t pay their own bills. In this world, it is the “older gentlemen” who are losing the race to find a mate. The old guys are trolling bars and nightclubs, flashing their gold cards and dropping hints of owning a condo in Florida. Occasionally they catch a sugar baby, but yes, they have to pay for it. So who is pathetic now?

 

Contrary to social biologists, psychologists and experts, a growing number of women do engage in casual, meaningless sex, and they are not traumatized by it. They know how to get their needs met (holy shit, women have sexual needs??), and how to not be scarred for life when a casual hookup doesn’t turn into a marriage proposal.

 

They won’t be defined by marriage, nor their ability to procreate. After all reproduction is a biological function, and they sure as hell won’t be judged by whether they have managed to pop out a baby before they expire. Purpose comes from self-awareness, exploration, centeredness, goals and pursuit of happiness, not from gifting a child to a man.

 

So, yes, if you want to wallow in misery for the rest of your life, pick up a copy of The New York Times, or any other Pulitzer winning media, to find out just how miserable you are, or should be. You will be spoon fed statistics, examples, and expert opinion about how women in your age group are losing out on the husband race, raising expectations to unreasonable highs, causing them to become dateless, manless and childless for the rest of their lives.

 

On the other hand, if you don’t want to date like an idiot, you simply have to do one thing:  Do whatever the hell you want physically, sexually, spiritually, and socially. Explore, figure things out for yourself, and make your own rules, then follow the ones that feel good to you. A $50 vibrator might feel a thousand times better than any prospect you have, and if that makes you happy, then gloat about it!

 

Dating manuals have you believe that you shouldn’t ask a man out on a date. I’m here to say that you should. Life is a candy store, and why wait in line for your dole? Really? We have to accept what life gives us? No, and no way!  If you want candy, you have to understand how to select the finest, and only the finest will do for a Goddess. Accepting whatever is available is for women who are resigned. I am not!

 

Life is too short, and I am not waiting in line. If you have any shred of self-respect, neither should you. So take it, eat it, hump it, to whatever the hell you want with it. It’s your life.

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My Home is My Sanctuary

My home is my sanctuary. My personal space is very important to me. This is where I bliss, meditate, detach, relax, treat myself well, and do my best thinking. It is also where I work, create, and get in touch with my purpose.

For it to feel right, I need large windows that warm the room with lots of sunshine. I need art, like I need food, so the walls have to accommodate my favorite pieces. I also need peace, quiet and solitude, so it must protect me from the outside world.

My home reflects who I am as a person. I live simply, and am unattached to objects. Therefore my home must be uncluttered, and have a lot of empty space through which energy flows.

A good friend, who was also a Fung Shui practitioner once uncluttered my space and ordered me to throw out all of my possessions. The rule was that I could keep things that fall into one of two categories. I could only keep objects that were an absolute necessity like a tooth brush, a fork, or a coat. I could also keep objects that I am absolutely in love with, like my art, my cat, my car. Everything else was given away or tossed out. As soon as I re-entered my home, I felt the difference in the energy of the space. The flow of free moving, unobstructed energy in my home was very much noticeable, and it felt very good.

Today, I have added to that rule. In order to keep healthy energy in my home, I also keep certain people out. As harsh as this sounds, it is an absolute necessity in order for my home to function as my sanctuary.

All people have their own energy, some positive, some negative. When their energy is drastically different from ours, we don’t feel good around each other. I used to invite everyone into my space freely, as I loved entertaining at home and cooking for my favorite friends. But as I became more in tune to who I am, I started to notice the energy of people, and the energies they leave behind.

Have you ever noticed how certain people can suck the air out of a room as soon as they enter? Have you ever noticed how someone’s bad attitude is reflected in their vibe? It just lingers in the air long after they have left the room. They may be friends or loved ones, but now I meet them outside my home (if at all).

Knowing how much I relish silence, quiet and my space, I no longer invite people who talk incessantly, bitch or complain, are messy, obtrusive, and don’t respect my personal space.

What is amusing is that as soon as my home became a beautiful sanctuary, people wanted to visit even more. They liked my space as much as I do, and kept asking to visit, begged for invitations, twisted my arm or guilted me into inviting them. That it does not feel good to be obligated to do something that isn’t pleasant.

But here is where you have to be firm. I love my friends, but I love them even more when they respect my boundaries. I still invite people to visit, but only the sparkly ones with a healthy energy. I enjoy cooking for good friends, sharing a good bottle of wine or champagne, enjoy laughter and warm people as much as everyone else. But I now pay close attention to how I feel when they are in my space.

I had a friend years ago that was so much fun to be with, and we had so much in common. Yet, every time she was in my space, she would make herself so comfortable that she would act as if she actually lives here. She would open my drawers, make herself a drink, put her feet up on the coffee table, and just bask in my space. And, when it was time to leave, she would elude to how much fun a sleepover would be.

A guy I dated liked my home so much, he kept leaving a toothbrush on my sink each time he visited. I kept throwing it away, as a way to make it clear that we won’t be having that kind of relationship. Not taking a hint, he kept asking how much the rent was, whether there is adequate closet space for him, and commented how he would stock the fridge with his favorite beer. I was sure he loved my home much more than he liked me. But the point was, my home is my sanctuary, and unless someone is matching my vibe, and 100% compatible with me, he or she will not get an invitation.

This sounds cold and heartless to many people. People accuse me of being anti-social, and nothing could be further from the truth. I love people, I am quite a social butterfly, I go out a lot, and am probably one of the best connected people in my community. But I appreciate my life so much, that I make a huge effort to filter people out.

I am surrounded by healthy, happy, encouraging people who have lives of their own, paths to follow, and are constantly improving themselves.  It is of no benefit to me to allow negativity, clutter, noise, problems, drama, neediness into my inner sanctum.

I have a friend (the Fung Shui practicioner) who lives in a beautiful, studio sanctuary. She owns two plates, two chairs, two forks, two cups, one roll of toilet paper, a tiny closed filled with 5carefully chosen, very flattering couture outfits, a few good paintings and a stunning jewelry collection. Though tiny, her personal space is absolutely heavenly. The first time I visited, it felt so good to be there, I too did not want to go home.

I meet new people constantly and I always pay attention to what their homes are like. I find that one’s personal space reflects their inner self. Cluttered, dingy, unclean, or just plain dirty is the space of a person who does not respect him or herself. They present well on the outside, but their emotional world is a mess.

Because I sense energy, I am extremely sensitive to what I feel inside other people. And at times, I just cannot afford to have them in my space. You may not be that sensitive, but you know when someone brings good vibes into your space. Pay attention to how you feel in every moment. Do they make you nervous, insecure, irritable? Or do they bring ease, fresh air, laughter, and good cheer?

S

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Fall in Love with Your Solitude

Solitude is a spiritual discipline. It is a practice that leads to personal growth and awakening.  Spiritual masters have been teaching the art of solitude for centuries, yet here in America, solitude is still shunned and labeled as loneliness.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

As I encounter more and more people who are wide awake, I can confirm that they relish their solitude. In fact, it is the principal sign that a person has awakened (among other signs). But this post isn’t about awakenings, it is more about the benefits, especially for women.

I get calls from many women, who would like me to teach them the art of being a Goddess. They are looking to become more attractive to men, as the goal is usually to secure a lifelong relationship. And in that first phone call, I elude to the importance of personal growth and development, which begins with solitude.

And here is where I see the most resistance. “No, I don’t want to be alone any more, I have been alone all my life”, “No, I am contacting you because I do not want to be alone”, “If I liked being alone, I wouldn’t have called you”, and “I am sick of doing everything by myself, I want a partner for life”.  Yes you do, and you are all entitled to that beautiful partnership- I am too. But, what a lot of women don’t realize is that how they perceive their solitude is how others perceive them. And how they view their single status, is how others view them too.

In that rejection of solitude, spiritually, you are rejecting yourself. “I don’t like being alone” is the same as saying “I don’t like being alone with myself”, or “I do not like my own company”.

Years ago, as I was facing a very rough patch in my life, I realized that in order to heal, and move on, I had a lot of work to do on myself. My well meaning friends and relatives were only a distraction. Their advice, though well-intentioned, was only rooting me to their belief system, and conformity to their way of life. I had to find myself, I had to discover my inner truth, I had to face my inner demons, I had to discover who I am as a being, rather than accept how friends, parents and society defined me.

So I withdrew from the outer world, and embraced my inner world. I have been practicing meditation for years, so I knew how sweet it is. And in that inner world I discovered acceptance and appreciation for who I really am. I spent much of my time in nature, walking, breathing fresh air, talking to animals, soaking up sunshine, smiling at trees, smelling roses, and listening to the gentle sounds of water flowing.

 

Self-discovery, and self-awareness are keys to becoming a Goddess. Without going into too much detail about what it actually means, I will say to my clients who are looking to command the attention of the opposite sex, that being self-possessed is the most attractive quality a woman can have.  Yet, this is such an elusive quality in a woman, because we are raised to be the opposite. Society teaches women how to gain validation from men, define ourselves by the quality or permanence of our relationships, seek approval, conform, worship security or stability that another person could provide, race the biological clock, beat ourselves up for not being in meaningful, binding relationships, etc.

 

Self-awareness and self-possession are at the opposite end of the spectrum. In solitude, we discover our soul, our meaning, our path. We love ourselves for who we really are, and make choices for ourselves, by ourselves, then project those decisions to the outside world. Goddesses are rare, but they truly exist.

 

We speak our minds, reject convention, define ourselves, live how we want to live. We do not judge ourselves, nor do we judge women who have made choices drastically different from our own. In fact, that is what TheGoddessPrinciples.net is about. It is about embracing our differences, our personal opinions, glorifying women who live solely on their own terms.

 

In terms of relationships, we do not seek validation from men. We are already valid in every sense of the word.  We do not seek to bond to anyone, we are already in touch with ourselves. Women who do not seek to bind a man, are the ones men feel most attracted to.  We exercise our choices, and always, always, always, those choices are in our own best interest, not in the interest of preserving a relationship or pleasing our partner. When relationships are unsatisfactory, we are capable of walking away. Rather than force our partners to change, try to make them better people, of obligate them into giving us more than they can, we are would rather meet someone who suits us better. Our personal time is so precious, that unless the other person is bringing us joy, ecstasy and an amazing experience, we would rather be alone.

 

Historically, women like us lived on the outskirts of society. We were vilified for daring to think, live life on our own terms, when it was unacceptable for women to be single and self-sufficient. In past centuries, women like us were accused of being whores, hags, spinsters, crones and witches, and though we had done nothing wrong, we were burned at the stake.

 

Today, more women are getting in touch with themselves. They are investing in themselves, and when relationships they seek do not materialize, they continue to explore the world, and grow on their own. They know they have a path, and they are happy to discover it by themselves. They know, with 100% certainty, that the relationships they stumble into along the way, will be learning experiences, beautiful moments, and life altering adventures. A soul mate will meet them on that path one day, but in the mean time they are happy in their own company.

 

Goddesses attract men, and command their attention by being 100% comfortable with themselves, 100% in love with themselves, 100% confident in their abilities, 100% in love with their solitude. It takes some training, and the process is slow. But whether a woman is willing learn to love her solitude is a telling sign whether she is willing to do the hard work to transform herself.

 

S

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Embrace Change

There are many contradictions out there, especially in the New Age industry. The beauty of social media is that everyone has a voice, but the contradicting voices sometimes are the stumbling blocks we experience toward growth.

 

Take for example, the Dalai Lama’s quote: “Nothing is Permanent”. Nature is ever changing, and progress, flow, movement, growth, and experience mean that constant change is a natural part of life. To rephrase his quote, we must accept that nothing lasts forever, that change must be embraced, that as painful as that is, we must willingly continue to grow.

 

Yet, how many New Age experts, authors, and bloggers, encourage us to believe in the opposite: “True Love is Forever”, “True Love will Never Leave You”, “Loyalty Above All Else”, “Love is Commitment to the Relationship”. Do you see the contradiction?

Some “experts” would have us believe in obligation, rather than in freedom. In permanence, rather than in ever changing progress toward growth and enlightenment.  If you truly believe in non-permanence, then how can you believe in obligating a friend or lover into staying with you forever. Oh, they will stay if they are truly my soul mate! But if you are truly their soulmate, and your love is pure, you would never make such a demand of them.

 

I often chuckle at statements such as “Friendship is Loyalty for Life”. In my world, friends are teachers, soulmates, healers, and companions who are growing too, who are changing too, and my love for them means that I will always give them freedom to move on. They don’t owe me permanence, commitment, loyalty, nor forever. I am grateful for whatever time I have with them, and will open-heartedly encourage them to find their own path.

My friends are just as hungry for life as I am. They are movers, they are shakers, they have dreams to follow and paths of their own. I admire their courage, their fortitude, their drive to succeed. It is that admiration that motivates me to do the same. I would never demand their Forever, nor would I demand their loyalty.

 

You have heard the saying “If you love someone set them free”. The people whom I love the most, are the people who live in a permanent state of freedom. They are in my life as long as we both find the experience worthwhile and of mutual benefit. My favorite quote on this subject is by Thich Nhat Hanh:

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

Permanence, loyalty, forever, commitment, obligation, contractual relationships, are for people who are looking to secure the present moment. The most insecure people in the world believe that they can control their situations so that nothing changes, and they feel best in the illusion of permanence. Unfortunately, the world turns regardless of what they want, and when they lose their grip on permanence, they lose their bearings and their sense of security.

Freedom, impermanence, progress, growth, are for people who have found themselves. They understand that to progress through life, they will outgrow their friends and their lovers. Two people cannot walk the same path forever, each has a responsibility to themselves to expand and progress. A wise man once said: “If you haven’t outgrown your friends [or lovers], you haven’t grown at all”.

So, embrace change, it is nature’s way of pushing you forward. Find your own self, your own security, your own worth, and you will never demand that others never leave you. You will have the most important gift of all, your center, your wholeness, and you will be complete.

 

 

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International Friends with Benefits

Dating for those who live for adventure can be complicated. Finding someone who thrives on the unknown, undiscovered, and uncivilized is like finding a needle in a haystack. You won’t find people like this sitting in a bar, waiting just for you. And you won’t find them online, as people who create dating profiles often list travel as a passion, but when you meet them in person, it is more likely they don’t travel in the same style or with the same goal as you.

I realized a long time ago that I am absolutely bored with traditional dating. I am so bored, that I cannot stand meeting a person for dinner, spending 1-2 hrs of my time making small talk, and trying or avoiding getting to know this person. What is worse is what comes next. If you like the person, you now have to devote time every week doing exactly the same thing, to discover if some day, the two of you will like each other enough to spend more time together. To reach this point, you have to endure texting, playing games, meeting other people, walking on eggshells, learning about what tics this person off, dealing with their irrationality, their insecurity, all to conclude at some point in the future that this was a complete waste of time.  No thanks.

Many years ago, I decided to explore dating from a different angle. I resolved to do what I like to do only, and see who shows up for the adventure. I made a list of 20 things I always wanted to do, but my exes never wanted to experience, and I started dating myself. Imagine the bliss of doing things that you enjoy every single minute, and doing it for yourself, by yourself. It was a beautiful experience.

In fact, it was so enjoyable that people started to ask if they can come along. At this point I had to become selfish and reject people whose company was not better than my own. I rejected all my female friends. My rationale was that I have been encouraging them to do more things on their own, date themselves, and since they were unwilling to do this, I wasn’t going to compromise my bliss, holding their hand through life, or creating beautiful moments for them.

As I checked dates off my list, I started to venture out on destinations that were close to home. I explored woods, beaches, vineyards, racing schools, falconry schools, log cabins, lakes, animal sanctuaries by following my bliss. Soon, male friends noticed my adventures and they started asking if they could tag along. Though they were more welcome than my girlfriends, I still had to be selfish and only allow the ones I thought were worth my time to join me.

But here is where it got interesting. It turns out that the ones who were worth my bliss were people who were also self aware, interesting, experienced explorers, adventurers, fearless risk takers, and those who expected much more out of life than the mundane traditionalism I dislike so much.

Having no expectation of a traditional relationship, I started to plan longer trips with these men. My requirements remained the same- the trip had to be something that I really wanted to do (this was not about him at all), and my invitation would go out to several men at the same time. I would then select the most fun, interesting person to join my adventure, and it was always preferable that I go alone. These trips spanned the globe, and as a result I had adventures in Thailand, UK, Greece, Dubai, wherever my whim took me.

What I learned was that the person who showed up on my adventure was always a thousand times more compatible to me than that guy who asked me out to dinner a dozen times, then wasted my time texting in and out of the relationship. People who travel tend to appreciate life. They understand that life is short, and like me, they believe in taking risks, enjoying every moment, and avoid wasting time on people who don’t want the same.

No, I wasn’t 100% compatible with all of them, but I was much happier meeting them abroad, seeing how they perceive foreign cultures, how they experience the unknown. You learn more about a person when you share a hotel room for a few days, than you would after 3 months of traditional dating.

But most importantly, you are meeting people doing what you love best. Anyone who shows up on these adventures is much more likely to be your type, want the same things, and enjoy the same moments. What I wasn’t expecting is that adventurers tend to be better communicators.

Knowing that we only have a week together in a distant land, communication is key. Certain things must be spelled out up front, such as the terms of the “friendship”, expectations, habits and boundaries. Again, it is much more refreshing to learn that about a person up front, then find out after a few months of dating that the person you are with hates being alone and needs you to help him face everything

Over the years, I have had beautiful adventures with people I never would have met in the traditional dating world. What made the experience amazing was that each person had something to teach me that I hadn’t experienced before. More importantly, I learned how to appreciate myself, chart my own course, and stick to it. Today, it no longer matters that the guy I am seeing doesn’t like interacting with wild animals like lions or tigers. All that matters is that I do, and I will do it anyway. Who shows up on my adventure is much more likely to be compatible with me.

 

S

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What To Do When Your Balls are Bigger Than His?

I have more balls than any man I have ever met in my life. It’s hard to be like this.

As I aired my frustration on my FB page this morning, friends chimed in with support: “Tell me about it”, “I hear you”, and “That’s pretty much how all women feel…”.

It’s absolutely true, but I am not complaining. We have been fighting for this for decades. We have won the rights we didn’t have, exceeded men in education, pushed our way into every workplace, and last year outnumbered men in the corporate world. Sure, we have a long way to go, but it is only a matter of time.

This is in no way a rant against men, or gender inequality. I am the last person to bash men. In fact, when I have risen, it was thanks to a male boss or mentor. This is merely an observation about where we are today, and the frustrations women experience trying to negotiate our way through life.

Today, we are more capable than ever. And the more we know we can do it, the higher our expectations rise. So, does it come as a surprise when the men in our lives suddenly look smaller? Maybe we had way too much confidence in them in the past, so now that we stand at a higher vantage point, those high expectations look unreasonable.

The reason for this post is part frustration, and part observation that I have not met a male in decades whose word and character can match that of a woman. Sure, I have met many nice, educated, stable, well-adjusted guys. But when it comes to that final test of character, they almost always flake out. These are not just people I am dating, they are friends, colleagues, even family members.

Rather than analyze what is wrong with men (short answer: Nothing), I’d rather admit that the world has changed for the better, and that we now must step into those roles we were taught to look up to. Let’s face it ladies, we made it!

So, in dealing with an unexpected emergency this week, I completely intended to handle the situation on my own. After all, all it takes are some phone calls, capable hands, change of logistics, and a glass of champagne.  But friends found out, and they rallied to help.

Hours later, I had an entire team of people offering advice, encouragement, and their time. A few days later however, guess who’s left standing? The women, of course. The guys have all flaked out. Not that I was actually counting on them, I had a back up plan all along. But it is amusing how good guys today compete on chivalry, strength and verbal support. They insist to be thought of as manly, capable, and trustworthy, yet disappear when they actually have to demonstrate it.

Again, I don’t think that this is their fault. Their character and abilities haven’t changed, we have just become more self-reliant. Those men we looked up to decades ago, are no longer heroes. From this vantage point, they are merely human. And so, our expectations have to change.

As frustrating as this may seem, this is actually a good thing. Rather than complain about their character flaws, we should recognize that we are no longer just equal, we have surpassed them on many levels. I am very comfortable with this. But, where we still have to step up, is the relationship game. This is something I feel women still don’t understand.

We struggle with being feminine, while we know we must have balls to make it in this world. We enter relationships hoping he will man up, then find in a matter of days, that we are the man. Unlike most social commentators who advise women to back off, hide their balls, and play damsel in distress, I disagree completely!

It is sheer torture for me to have to hide my balls (a.k.a. Horns), or stand in the background as I watch a man fumble. Having given too many chances to so many “good guys”, I realized it is time to stop hiding. I will do it all by myself, and they’ll just have to man up. Or not.

I’ve been dating younger men for years, and listening to criticism from older guys who complain that I am dating superficially. Don’t you want a man for his intellect? No, my IQ is 134. Don’t you want a man of character? I think I have proven I have more. Don’t you appreciate a man’s wisdom? Are you implying I am not wise?

The simple fact is that those qualities we have been taught to appreciate in men (strength, character, intelligence, wisdom, stability and protection) are ours now. In fact, we have more of those characteristics than most of our male peers. I am comfortable with that. But, we no longer need men to support, advise, guide, nor stabilize us. Just like men of previous generations, we can now afford to date just for the fun of it, even superficially.

Years ago, we watched in confusion when a guy would hit midlife crisis, grow a pony tail, divorce the wife with a PhD, and shack up with a young, bouncy, bimbo who makes him happy. I point out that today we are merely doing the same.

What do I get from those younger men I date? Biceps, adventure, energy, and stamina!  Honestly, it’s too much work, and zero ROI to deal with a man and his emotional insecurities. It would take an army of psychologists, spiritualists and drill sergeants to teach him to man up. It’s much more fun to keep a few boy toys on the side, have a good time with them, and depend on my own balls.

So you see ladies, it is not so bad out there at all. We thought we were losing something when statistics showed that there are no available men for women with MBAs and PhDs. There are, and they’re even better than the prospects our mothers had. Our mothers had to look for mates who could provide protection, stability and wisdom. Now that we are all that, we can afford to date for fun, muscle, and earth shattering orgasms. Not a bad thing at all!

S

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Fear of People Who Are Afraid of The World

“I am not afraid of the world. But I am afraid of people who are afraid of the world”. –Elizabeth Gilbert.

Though she wrote this in the context of travel, this quote hits home on so many levels. I grew up in a relatively negative country, in a very pessimistic family, to parents who taught me to fear everything. Forty years later, I am still shedding those past fears, to realize that there is nothing to fear at all.

As I blazed my way through divorce, and tried to date fearlessly, shamelessly, and gloriously, I was warned by girlfriends of the horrors I was destined to encounter regarding modern men, and relationships. As well intentioned as they were, my friends were teaching me to fear men, dating, putting myself out there, to fear the heartaches, expect disappointments, demand impossible commitments, fight to keep dead relationships alive, and to settle for less, because amazing men just do not exist.

Thankfully, I am a stubborn Goddess who was determined to have fun anyway, and make up for 12 years of waking up to the same man, with dating younger guys, trying new things, exploring sex the way they told me not to, just to live life the way I always wanted it to be. I simply did not want to hear how doomed I am supposed to be, at 40, without a man, and a divorce on my relationship resume.

So I ignored my girlfriends, and enlisted the help of my guy friends to teach me how to date like a man. I noticed early on, that men love dating. They take pleasure in meeting new women, getting to know them, they love sex, they love variety, they don’t fear, they don’t whine, they appreciate women like a fine wine. I wanted the same, as a matter of fact, I felt entitled to it.

So I embarked on what I called “Sherry’s Excellent Adventure”, knowing that I will stumble, I will get bruised, but knowing with 100% certainty that I will date gloriously!

Ladies, if I can give you any advice at all, it is to drop your fears, stop listening to the 1001 ways you could get hurt, and just live it! This is what life is all about.  I guarantee that it will be one amazing adventure. you will scrape your knees, but you are a grown woman, meant to date like a Goddess, not a frightened little girl.

Everything that I am today is a result of ignoring friends, family and experts who tried to caution me, and advise me to be more prudent. My exotic travels, my amazing experiences, my unorthodox dating life, have empowered me to make my own rules, and march to the beat of my own drum. It is 100% liberating, empowering, and life altering.

But back to Elizabeth Gilbert’s quote about people who fear. I absolutely had to filter them out of my world. They were good friends who for many years were my support system. They were family members who had my best interest in mind, but couldn’t see life outside their little box. As well meaning as they are, teaching you to fear dating, love, men, adventure, sex, travel, and life, is a toxic lesson that takes years to recover from.

You’ll find that people who are afraid of the world, rarely move outside their tight little boundaries. They travel in groups, hold hands with the same friends for the rest of their life, resent men who wouldn’t offer them a contract, can list every global disaster, hate uncertainty, demand protection, and in general, do not get far in life. The reason they are so eager to settle down is because they fear being alone.

But fearless women thrive in chaos. We explore, we learn from mistakes, we grow even when growth is painful. We love life, embrace our future even when it is uncertain, and try new things to satisfy our curiosity. In fact, when it comes to relationships, we plunge right into new experiences, regardless of whether they hold promise of a future.

I have a friend who loved fearlessly, and was good inspiration when I was recovering from divorce. I learned so much from her positivism, her willingness to explore her sexuality, despite the criticism from all her girlfriends. In life, you learn that your critics are just people who are afraid you will succeed. And despite her 257 breakups, 3 elicit affairs, 34 broken hearts, and 1001 “I told you so’s”, she approached every relationship with a her heart wide open.

Sure,  medical “experts” would caution that this is not a healthy human being, but spiritual experts know that nothing could be further from the truth. Some women refuse to fear. They live life on their own terms, make no apologies and have no regrets. In fact, that is the healthiest way to enjoy one’s life to the fullest.

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Let the Little Goddess Define Herself

We become self-aware when we begin the process of getting to know ourselves. This comes from introspection, solitude, facing our inner demons, accepting our flaws, dropping our ego. It is a process that takes years, and actually never ends.

But children are born knowing. In fact, they know more than adults. Their concept of right vs.wrong is more accurate than that of a spiritual guru. If you listen to them carefully, you’ll hear their inner wisdom. Those little gems of truth, are signs of enlightenment. Children are born enlightened.

We begin the process of indoctrinating them, when we instruct them to listen to us, instead of the wisdom they already possess. When they challenge us to explain, we do more to discourage them from thinking for themselves, when we tell them “because I am your parent”, “because I said so”, “because you’re just a kid”, “because you’re to little”, “listen to grown-ups”. We challenge the wisdom they already possess, by teaching them to not trust that inner guidance system, and trust us instead.

Of course, as parents we walk a tight line, between wanting our children to be safe, secure and learn, and giving them the freedom to trust themselves most of all. This means letting them make mistakes, because they will learn from them.

How many of us have spent years trying to unlearn what society and culture taught us? As women we must unlearn to be dependent, to criticize ourselves and other women, unlearn the idea that women are weaker, and replace that with knowing that we are meant to set our own standards, make our own rules, and that we only owe that to ourselves, no one else.

But, part of what we have learned as kids, came from our own parents. They defined us at a very young age, and then we spent decades trying to redefine ourselves. How many of you chose your own religion? How many of you simply accepted the religion your parents gave you? How many of you have the same relationship with money, as your parents had? How many of you believe in the same limitations your mothers experienced?

So, when we tell a child you can’t have that, you can’t be that, don’t think what you want, think like me, you are chipping away at that inner wisdom every child has. Over time they stop questioning, and start accepting. And the more they accept that identity we are projecting onto them, the more they trust those toxic messages from media, peers, and society.

It isn’t easy, as protectiveness is a natural part of good parenthood. But, do your best to let your daughters define themselves. They will make mistakes, they will get hurt, but they will thank you one day that you allowed them to think for themselves, and express themselves. Allow that little Goddess to define herself.

S

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Filling Empty Holes with Relationships

Relationships have become a problem because we are not using them to enhance our lives. We are trying to fill the gaps in our lives with relationships.” – Sadhguru

 

 

This quote hits close to home, because it is something I hear most often from friends. And since I started writing this blog, and posting my opinions on social media, I am inundated with questions about how and where can a person find a relationship. Before I ever answer that question, I ask, Why do you want a relationship? Fair warning, it is a trick question.

 

And here come the answers: I want someone to complete me, I want someone to travel with, I just want someone to be with, and the ultimate answer that I hear mostly from women: I want a deep, emotional bond with someone. It isn’t surprising that most of such statements are coming from women who claim to be staunchly independent, and want to be perceived as whole or complete. “My life is complete, but…”

 

Since I launched TheGoddessPrinciples.net I have partnered with professionals like relationship and dating coaches, lifestyle and career gurus to inspire women to step out of their own boundaries and push them to be more. And when we compare notes, we agree that the vast majority of women who claim are complete, are anything but. This isn’t a criticism, it is an observation of how people are confusing love and relationships with an emotional crutch. The fact is that many people simply don’t know the difference.

 

Ask any woman why she wants a relationship, and she will tell you exactly what gap she needs him to fill in her life. She hasn’t traveled yet, because she has no one to travel with. She is waiting to see Paris with the right person. She is disappointed in the people she has dated, because none of them would bond with her. Modern relationships suck because men text, but do not call and actually speak to her. Thus, she is looking for someone to bond to, speak to, travel with, talk to, spend time with.

 

But, there is a growing number of women on the opposite end of the spectrum. Whether there is someone to travel with or not, they have been to Timbuktu anyway. Rather than wait for someone special, they fly to Paris whenever they can, even for a weekend. If a man isn’t calling them or communicating to their face, they don’t care, they have no time for long phone calls anyway. For them, bonding is something they do selectively. They will only bond with people they deem worth it, and even then, they’d rather be with people who are free, and seek no bondage at all.

 

Do you see the difference? So when people ask me how to go about finding a relationship, I explain that their dream man lies at the opposite end of that spectrum. It is the women who have no gaps in their lives that are the most approachable, most fun to travel with, and the easiest to connect with. The ones who aren’t lonely, waiting for someone or searching, are the ones who have the most offers.

 

From simple observation, I have seen that the women who have trouble keeping a man, are the ones waiting for a relationship to fulfill them. They also have the most trouble with friendships, as they make the same demands of their girlfriends: travel with me, sign up for a class with me, call me, come to an event with me. But, again, this is not a complete woman. And if you want that relationship you dream of, you have a lot of work to do on yourself. The goal is to fill in those gaps yourself, so that when a potential mate comes along, he isn’t afraid to tumble into one of your gaps, and never be allowed to leave.

 

Men have a sixth sense about women, and the first thing they try to assess, are your needs. You don’t have to communicate them, they can smell them a mile away. When they sense you need bonding, they perceive that as bondage, and that is a fair assessment. When they see you have been waiting for them to go to Paris, they wonder why a grown woman hasn’t hopped on a plane, and seen such an easy city to navigate all by herself.

When you demand he calls you in person to talk to you, when it is easier for him to send a quick text, they wonder, how much time do you have on your hands, and do you have no one to talk to?

 

As with lovers, so with friends, she needs much more than busy people can give. To me, that is the epitome of a woman looking for a relationship to fulfill her. When there is no man in her life, her girlfriends become a crutch. They are the ones she holds hands with through her life. They are the ones she plans everything with. Some women claim that they simply enjoy the company of their friends, but if her idea of traveling solo is a required business trip, and attending a party alone is horrifying, then you are looking at a person who is searching for someone to prop her up.

 

So where do incomplete women find relationships? As I said before, that smart, capable, solid man she dreams of won’t find her attractive. He knows he will have to drain himself to complete her, and that no matter how much attention and reassurance he gives, she will need more. Incomplete women tend to find men who too are incomplete. Unfortunately, two humans with gaping holes in their lives, will never be able to fill each other up. Their insecurities, their neediness, their expectation that their partner should fill their needs, are a recipe for a toxic relationship.

 

Complete women, have a different attitude about men. Because there are no missing pieces in their lives (they filled each missing piece themselves), they are free of need or neediness. These women are actually free to want men, and in that freedom they allow themselves to pick and choose. Naturally, they get much more male attention, since any man can see they are happy, they’re thriving, they are solid human beings. Of course, they too want to find true love, but these women are not willing to settle. They know their true worth, and are content to keep dating and enjoying life’s little adventures, without needing to turn each man into a spouse.

 

These women are fully capable of having casual flings, because they do not seek to bond to every single man who comes along. They can enjoy each romance, because they don’t fear loss or heartache. A man is not a loss to a woman who has no gaping holes in her life. He is simply a soul she meets along her path. She knows that the more she keeps walking, the more she keeps growing, and if she allows herself to experience all that life has to offer on her own, the man she finally chooses will be much bigger and stronger than the ones she has left behind. Women like these are not looking for a husband to complete them, they are looking for an equal. They are perfectly willing to enjoy their lives now, knowing they don’t have to settle for anything. They are already complete.

 

The main reason I started TheGoddessPrinciples.net is to show women that the process of completing herself is by far more important than finding a man. At times the process can be painful, but it is the most beautiful aspect of personal growth any human can experience. There are many, who simply refuse to endure that, and would rather find a spouse anyway. They are the ones I refuse to associate with. This may sound cruel, but my life is too precious to spend it holding hands with girls, who refuse to be women.

 

But the women who can look in the mirror, and fairly and accurately acknowledge all their missing pieces, have embarked on a journey, that will eventually bring huge rewards. They will learn that the relationship they have with themselves is the most rewarding of all, and that any man who comes into their life is just the icing on the cake they baked all by themselves.

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Fear Based Relatonships

Choosing a partner, based on whether he could leave you, is called FEAR.

Choosing a man, just because he seems unlikely to cheat, look for someone better, or is least likely to abandon you, is FEAR.

Society teaches us that safety, stability, and loyalty are the most important factors in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, they are important to some extent, but if you approach your selection process with this in mind, you are approaching relationships from a place of fear.

How does society view a woman who cannot leave an unhealthy relationship? We view those women as pathetic, dependent, weak, lacking self respect, and generally unhealthy. But women are taught to view men who won’t stray, as stable, worthy, dependable, the ultimate goal.

But to live fearlessly, means to have no fear of abandonment, heartache, or loneliness. It means choosing your own path based on your own preferences, knowing that whatever life places in front of you is to be enjoyed now. It means knowing in full confidence, that you are that power that allows you to choose to move away from situations which no longer serve you.

So what if that sexy fireman turns out to be a dog later? Frightened women would avoid him no matter how much enjoyment he offers now, for fear that they might suffer later. Women are taught that we must choose the most stable man, for he is the one least likely to hurt us down the road. Is this life?

Looking for a perfectly respectable spouse, rather than a wild, sexy devil, they miss out on all the delights life offers now. We are young, we are capable, we are independent, so what have we got to lose living fearlessly?

Any mature, solid, man who offers stability is just a man who has lived dangerously while he could afford to do so. The point is, he lived. And now, when he is tired, expired, and least likely to stray, women are told that he is the prince. No. Absolutely not. He is just a human who has enjoyed all the wild and crazy adventures while he could, and now that his hairline is starting to recede, he is ready for the comforts of domesticity.

But where does that leave you? How much of your own youth have you spent searching for Mr. Right, and missed out on the opportunity to delight in Mr. Wrong- Mr. Oh, So Very Wrong ? 🙂 Avoiding him at all costs, you have missed out in the best that life has to offer, the fun, the excitement, the buffet or earthly delights.

Most women today, are capable, independent and stable themselves. In fact, we are doing so well, that we can afford to explore the world on our own, and take part in adventures reserved mostly for men years ago. We have little to gain from men, especially the staid, stable ones.  We can afford to sample the buffet of chiseled athletes, sexy firemen, brooding intellectuals, suave Latinos, and hot blooded Italians. Not enjoying all the gifts of the universe is like leaving a delicious morsel of cake untouched on your plate.

Sure, some women would rather live on a diet of lettuce leaves instead, but where does that place them in life?  It places them in line, holding an empty tray until some tame, spiritless, domesticated clod, grants them the ultimate prize, a marriage contract, and promises to never leave them. No thanks.

I went to college, studied hard, armed myself with an MBA, for one reason only- an investment in myself. Now that I know how capable I am, I have no need for someone else’s stability, security, or strength. I am all those things. I can afford those same adventures reserved only to bachelors, explorers and dare devils in the past. And I intend to learn from them all.

Will I get hurt? Sure, but I’ll heal just as fast. Will I get disappointed? Of course, disappointment is a natural part of life. Will I be emotionally scarred? Never, and if I do get a scar or two, I’ll wear them proudly. My point is, to live fearlessly means to seek the opposite of what society instructs us to do.

So what gift has the universe placed right in front of you today? Is it a trip to Bali, that you are too afraid to take on your own? Is it a super-charged sports car, you think you don’t deserve? Or is it a gorgeous heart-breaker that makes you shake in the knees? Afraid?
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