“If you don’t have a phenomenal, sexy, exciting single life, you will never have a phenomenal, sexy, exciting married life.” Yours Truly
THE POINT OF BEING SINGLE
To say it plainly, the whole point of being single is to enjoy it. “No way”, my friends say “how do I enjoy myself when I am not meeting men who want to make me happy?” By understanding that it is no one’s job to make you happy. That work is yours. “Easy for you to say, you are always happy”. The simple fact is that I am happy because I don’t need another person to make me happy. That’s no one’s responsibility but my own.
So I, unlike most of my single friends, am standing on the outside of this box of relationships, adulthood and domesticity, and having a blast, while most women I know who should be enjoying that, are clawing the walls of the box, trying to climb in. This is not my usual rant about women beating the dead marriage horse again- although that is the sad state of most of my peers. Instead, it’s a comment on the attitude that there is something wrong with us if we are not even trying to conform to the marriage institution.
Have you ever looked around this single life, and asked yourself what is here to be enjoyed? No matter where you live, your age, or your position on the career ladder, you are in the perfect place to live. You might claim that you are living, but are you really alive? Do you even know what it means to be alive?
Several years ago, when I was re-evaluating my entire life, I too was in that bleak place, feeling sorry that my work, my career and my path had no meaning at all. It doesn’t help that the internet reminds me every day to find success, one must have passion. And so, if your job is to push paper all day, or build mind numbing spreadsheets, how do you find excitement in that? The answer, I discovered, is you don’t have to.
What you do have to do, is find something, in any area of your life that does excite you. And you can’t find that, unless you are willing to explore, all by yourself. I don’t mean that you should grab your girlfriends, and hold hands as you help each other try new things. The more people you involve in finding your path, the less likely you are to find it. You do have to step outside your comfort zone, let go of your friends’ hands, and step off into the unknown all by yourself.
It saddens me that so many women, in fact the majority of us, have never dared to be free. Most claim to be free by the sheer virtue of being single, but there is no freedom in being single and lonely. That’s not freedom at all- that’s just a life of fear and longing. The singlehood most women experience is desolation, lack of personal fulfillment, and fear of losing the husband tournament. Those who spend most of their single years obsessing about their mythical biological clock, and in fear of eternal spinsterhood, can’t possibly claim to have had their youth and enjoyed it.
The freedom I am referring to is the ultimate indulgence in what life has to offer. This prerogative to explore, to dare, to expand, to live in total abandonment is something we grant mostly to adventurers, bachelors, poets and philosophers. It’s what we read about in books and new-age self-help manuals, but women rarely dare to taste it.
The few women I know who have actually kicked the proverbial white picket fence, not because they had to, but because they really wanted to, not because they couldn’t attain it, but because they demanded more out of life, are the ones I affectionately refer to as “witches”. You can recognize them by that knowing look in their eyes, the bounce in their step, and their confidence. These women are the few who are truly awake. They live by their own rules, and enjoy every minute of their lives. They invest in themselves because there is no better investment.
And no, they have not given up on love, these witches have it every day. How you get your love, is none of my business and it’s not my place to judge. But the fact is, love is everywhere, and just because it won’t let you beat it to death with a time frame, a commitment, and a contract, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Oh, that’s not the kind of love you want? Maybe you are missing the point. While you’re waiting for your prince to come, you are ignoring all the amazing experiences that were meant to be enjoyed in our youth. All those adventures, craziness and debauchery are not just for men, drunken fools or horny teenagers. They are for you, to sift through, peruse and select. Which of life’s naughty deeds, sexy conquests, glorious triumphs, and risky ventures have you partaken in?
The reason I ask this question is that life is a resume, and unless yours is filled with daring stunts, life altering journeys, living in the fast lane, and earth shattering orgasms, you have not lived. So you think you are ready for marriage, a home and a baby? What have you got to contribute to this equation?
If you don’t have a phenomenal, sexy, exciting single life, you will never have a phenomenal, sexy, exciting married life. Take it from someone who has been there- I had it all, and I walked away. No, it wasn’t easy at all, but once I broke out of that white picket fence, I taught myself to keep walking. It’s amazing who you bump into along the way, and the adventures you can have if you are just not afraid to explore. The biggest lesson I learned is to never wait. Those of you who are still waiting for love to happen will not find it. You might get a willing participant, but that is all you’ll get.
Those witches I mentioned, do have it all. No, they don’t shun love, marriage or companionship- they’re the ones most likely to find it in its purest form. But to know what that is, and be able to recognize it, you have to find it all in yourself first. And you can’t attain that living on the sidelines just waiting for the prince to come. If he is truly a prince, then he has tasted the best that life has to offer, and has no reason to settle for someone who hasn’t yet started to live.