I have more balls than any man I have ever met in my life. It’s hard to be like this.
As I aired my frustration on my FB page this morning, friends chimed in with support: “Tell me about it”, “I hear you”, and “That’s pretty much how all women feel…”.
It’s absolutely true, but I am not complaining. We have been fighting for this for decades. We have won the rights we didn’t have, exceeded men in education, pushed our way into every workplace, and last year outnumbered men in the corporate world. Sure, we have a long way to go, but it is only a matter of time.
This is in no way a rant against men, or gender inequality. I am the last person to bash men. In fact, when I have risen, it was thanks to a male boss or mentor. This is merely an observation about where we are today, and the frustrations women experience trying to negotiate our way through life.
Today, we are more capable than ever. And the more we know we can do it, the higher our expectations rise. So, does it come as a surprise when the men in our lives suddenly look smaller? Maybe we had way too much confidence in them in the past, so now that we stand at a higher vantage point, those high expectations look unreasonable.
The reason for this post is part frustration, and part observation that I have not met a male in decades whose word and character can match that of a woman. Sure, I have met many nice, educated, stable, well-adjusted guys. But when it comes to that final test of character, they almost always flake out. These are not just people I am dating, they are friends, colleagues, even family members.
Rather than analyze what is wrong with men (short answer: Nothing), I’d rather admit that the world has changed for the better, and that we now must step into those roles we were taught to look up to. Let’s face it ladies, we made it!
So, in dealing with an unexpected emergency this week, I completely intended to handle the situation on my own. After all, all it takes are some phone calls, capable hands, change of logistics, and a glass of champagne. But friends found out, and they rallied to help.
Hours later, I had an entire team of people offering advice, encouragement, and their time. A few days later however, guess who’s left standing? The women, of course. The guys have all flaked out. Not that I was actually counting on them, I had a back up plan all along. But it is amusing how good guys today compete on chivalry, strength and verbal support. They insist to be thought of as manly, capable, and trustworthy, yet disappear when they actually have to demonstrate it.
Again, I don’t think that this is their fault. Their character and abilities haven’t changed, we have just become more self-reliant. Those men we looked up to decades ago, are no longer heroes. From this vantage point, they are merely human. And so, our expectations have to change.
As frustrating as this may seem, this is actually a good thing. Rather than complain about their character flaws, we should recognize that we are no longer just equal, we have surpassed them on many levels. I am very comfortable with this. But, where we still have to step up, is the relationship game. This is something I feel women still don’t understand.
We struggle with being feminine, while we know we must have balls to make it in this world. We enter relationships hoping he will man up, then find in a matter of days, that we are the man. Unlike most social commentators who advise women to back off, hide their balls, and play damsel in distress, I disagree completely!
It is sheer torture for me to have to hide my balls (a.k.a. Horns), or stand in the background as I watch a man fumble. Having given too many chances to so many “good guys”, I realized it is time to stop hiding. I will do it all by myself, and they’ll just have to man up. Or not.
I’ve been dating younger men for years, and listening to criticism from older guys who complain that I am dating superficially. Don’t you want a man for his intellect? No, my IQ is 134. Don’t you want a man of character? I think I have proven I have more. Don’t you appreciate a man’s wisdom? Are you implying I am not wise?
The simple fact is that those qualities we have been taught to appreciate in men (strength, character, intelligence, wisdom, stability and protection) are ours now. In fact, we have more of those characteristics than most of our male peers. I am comfortable with that. But, we no longer need men to support, advise, guide, nor stabilize us. Just like men of previous generations, we can now afford to date just for the fun of it, even superficially.
Years ago, we watched in confusion when a guy would hit midlife crisis, grow a pony tail, divorce the wife with a PhD, and shack up with a young, bouncy, bimbo who makes him happy. I point out that today we are merely doing the same.
What do I get from those younger men I date? Biceps, adventure, energy, and stamina! Honestly, it’s too much work, and zero ROI to deal with a man and his emotional insecurities. It would take an army of psychologists, spiritualists and drill sergeants to teach him to man up. It’s much more fun to keep a few boy toys on the side, have a good time with them, and depend on my own balls.
So you see ladies, it is not so bad out there at all. We thought we were losing something when statistics showed that there are no available men for women with MBAs and PhDs. There are, and they’re even better than the prospects our mothers had. Our mothers had to look for mates who could provide protection, stability and wisdom. Now that we are all that, we can afford to date for fun, muscle, and earth shattering orgasms. Not a bad thing at all!