No more karmic lessons for me, only self-mastery. It sounds egotistical to claim that I am done with my learning process, of course that never ends. Life will bring us all nothing but lessons, and lessons and lessons as long as we continue to breathe. So, no one is ever truly finished, we have all just finished one cycle and are taking a breather before a new one begins.
The lessons I learned in the last nine years have been invaluable. A huge punch in the face, over, and over again. Just when I think I figured it out, I get punched one more time for good measure. The lessons were rough, but totally worth letting myself be a punching bag to learn who I am as a person, and why I have landed onto this planet. I get it, I earned the place I find myself in now.
I wrote long ago that ‘When a Woman is Finished, She is Complete”. I am done, and it really feels good. There was a long list of grievances I had with myself, I blamed other people for it all, then came to realize it was all me. I battled my inner demons, slayed a few dragons, walked away from a lot of different reflections of me, and finally I am here. I am in a place where I need absolutely nothing. I am perfectly content with myself. There were a few last glitches that I was trying to fix, and realized, nah, the flaws I have left are perfectly okay with me. I won’t fix them, instead I’ll keep them, so deal with it.
The lessons I learned are:
- Never go back. Once you have walked away, stay gone. This isn’t cheap revenge, it is because you have nothing to learn from the same person or situation. We all struggle with going back some time, but that’s because the familiar is easy to accept, the unknown is scary. I gained nothing from ever going back. The best advice my late father taught me is to never look back and keep marching forward. I finally got that one, the past never came back to anyone, and if you keep running back, it will no longer serve you. Just go.
- Never try to fix people, nor allow anyone to fix you. It’s a selfish attempt to shape another person to satisfy you more, at the expense of them losing themselves. No one owes you their soul, and it is immoral to demand it from anyone. If you don’t like something about the other person, fix yourself. Never manipulate others to be who you need them to be, become whoever or whatever it is that you need.
- Don’t apologize for doing the best for yourself. You owe it only to yourself to live a life on your own terms. We are here to learn to create the life we always wanted, and be the best versions of ourselves. To do that, we have to walk away, say goodbye, and constantly work on ourselves. We only learn how to do that, when we place ourselves and our own happiness above others’.
- Never sacrifice. What is a sacrifice? Giving up something you value for the sake of someone else’s happiness or to be of value to them. We all have people to love, and giving is a natural expression of that. But you can’t chop off your arm and give it to your loved one. You shouldn’t cripple yourself, or squash your own desires for the sake of another. That isn’t love, that is self-sabbotage, and lack of self respect.
- Find your own moral compass. You have it and it is totally your own creation. Resist the temptation to follow a religion, a culture, a social construct, a philosophy just to feel a sense of belonging with others. Step away from the crowd, find yourself, then figure out what your inner being truly believes. We all are born connected, and knowing who we truly are. We forget when we start to obey, follow rules, take prescriptions, let others guide us. Be your own guide, you are a natural.
- Stop searching. You’ll never find it. Whatever you chase will run away, and whatever you are looking for will always elude you. You need nothing more than total satisfaction with what already is. If you can find peace with the current version of you, and accept the perfection of you in your now, you are perfectly centered. From this point, whatever you want will simply present itself to you.
- Later never comes. Those passions you keep setting aside, those dreams you are too practical to pursue now, will never come. If you don’t enjoy them now, you never will. How many things did I allow to pass me before I realized that they are right here because I am meant to experience them now. If they land in your lap, they are meant for your own enjoyment.
- Never feel guilt. No matter who you are, what mistakes you made, and what you want out of life, guilt is a waste of time. It is inflicted upon you so that you will stay small. Walk away from people who make the slightest attempt to make you feel guilty, you don’t need the emotional manipulation. Whatever you want is meant to be yours, so never apologize for it.
- Never fear. Fear is not real, it is just an emotional response to something we are not ready for. I don’t care if you fear foreclosure, a tyrant, or a lion, all those things are just triggers that elicit a response from your mind. When you learn to fall asleep next to a lion, and feel perfectly safe and secure, you’ll laugh at fear. It was nothing. Shed fear and you’ll zoom past all your perceived obstacles with ease.
- “Life is a buffet, and most poor bastards are starving”. Forest Gump said, life is like a box of chocolate. We come into this world and are presented with an endless buffet of goodies to sample. Bliss, spectacular sunsets, fine wine, expensive baubles, amazing sex, gorgeous lovers, fast cars, global adventures, thrills, roller coasters, love, and salty tears. But people are taught to say no thanks to pleasure, and push aside their chocolate sampler looking for the perfect prescription for life instead. They turn to religion, philosophy, pills, and are constantly seeking a teacher, yet all you need to know is to sample your candy every day. Pathetic are the people laying on their deathbeds still holding an uneaten box of candy. They learned nothing from life.
We are all here to learn, and the only way we can evolve is to experience everything. Don’t protect yourself from experience, don’t protect yourself from heartache, don’t protect yourself from the painful lessons. Pain is just an illusion too, an obstacle that we learn to fear and avoid.
Expose yourself to everything, no matter how sinful, wrong, painful- just live it. There is a tremendous beauty in a broken heart, if only you were willing to surrender to it. My heart is not an iceberg, it is always allowing more experiences to make it bigger and stronger. A lot of things I thought I truly needed in my life seem useless to me now. They are just symbols or accessories that can do nothing for me at all.
I have reached a place where I no longer need anything. The lessons are not over, in fact I am sure even greater experiences are coming my way. But I have reached acceptance, contentment, self-satisfaction and peace. Whatever falls into my lap is just icing on my cupcake. I’ll lick the sugar off, toss the crumbs aside and keep enjoying more.
In my life, I have never had a plan. Dangerous and irresponsible, I know. But every time I tried to will something to happen, it didn’t. Every time I tried to fix someone, he or she fought me. Every time I sought something not meant for me, I failed. I am okay with failure, but I am having a good time admiring what I have now.
Somehow, without a plan, amazing opportunities always fall into my lap. It’s not fair that I experience all these thrills without striving for them. But I have learned to lean back, and accept whatever flows toward me. Someone or something beautiful always reaches me in its own time. My job is to only say yes.