Looking back upon my life, I realized I could have put off marriage by about 20 years. I was always that independent, stubborn girl who thought no one should get married before 40 (a really old number from my 20 yr old perspective). I wish I listened to myself, as the part of me that truly believed this, was my own inner guidance system, which I did not trust at that age.
I married prince charming and we had 15 beautiful years together. Marriage was a magical thing, but when I divorced, I realized that I did not know who I am as a person. I spent over a third of my life being someone’s wife, and that tends to deplete most people, not just women.
Since then, I have learned a lot and evolved into the person I always knew I could be. But, looking back, I realized that one’s youth is for self-discovery, irresponsibility, travel, adventure, experience, and yes, mistakes. I am still not finished enjoying my life.
Relationships come and go, and I appreciate each and every one of them. But at 43, I am not finished living yet. Don’t let society pressure you into chasing dreams that are not yours. Women succumb to media pressure to settle down, and reproduce, as if that is life’s ultimate goal. Your goal should be your own. Stick to whatever is calling you, and don’t waste time trying to beat an imaginary biological clock. At 89, you just might realize, that there is no such thing.
Looking back, I realize I made no mistakes at all, when I followed my own heart. That young marriage taught me many things. I don’t need to learn again to compromise myself, keep giving to the point of depletion, share a life, or how to take care of someone. I already know.
But, this part of my life is for myself. Laughing at how immature I was, I realized how much bullshit media and society dump on us, and how false it all is. Sure, I met the love of my life at 23, but did I really have to marry him? By the time I reached 43, I fell in love several times. Now I know that just because I love someone, I do not have to marry him.
I also don’t worry that I will somehow lose the husband race. Trust me, even my beautiful prince charming was not worth the race. Sure, he was an amazing husband, and my true soulmate, but after him, there were more soulmates, and lovely experiences. The only thing you are missing is the opportunity to discover yourself, your path, your passion- something you cannot do while juggling the responsibilities of marriage.
For a while, I did accept much of the fear-mongering from my peers and media, and I too dated like a sport, to make sure that I don’t lose out on some opportunity I wasn’t too sure about. Trust me, no man is an opportunity. The opportunity you are losing is the one to discover yourself, your passions, your purpose. Once I stopped looking, I found myself surrounded by more men than I could count. And the beautiful thing is that they are all young, gorgeous, and willing.
When you accept what society and media tell you, all you can see is lack. Lack of men in your own age group, lack of educated men with the proper credentials. It is almost as if, media is using fear to get women to settle. Settle down, way down, because it is better to be settled, than end up a lonely spinster. Bullshit!
The only thing you need to do, is stand up to family and peer pressure, and do it your way. Here is what happened when I did that. As soon as I gave up on “looking” for someone, I found that great men were all around me. Rather than “put myself out there”, I naturally gravitate toward people I have something in common with. Not needing anything, not trying to make anything happen, is exactly why people feel so comfortable around me.
As a result, there is always someone to share a bottle of wine with, wake up to, or take a trip with. Do I need to marry any of them? No. Sure, some day, I might meet someone I want to keep longer. Maybe I will marry him. But right now, I am so happy living my life, on my terms, that nothing could be further from my mind.