Fear Based Relatonships

Choosing a partner, based on whether he could leave you, is called FEAR.

Choosing a man, just because he seems unlikely to cheat, look for someone better, or is least likely to abandon you, is FEAR.

Society teaches us that safety, stability, and loyalty are the most important factors in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, they are important to some extent, but if you approach your selection process with this in mind, you are approaching relationships from a place of fear.

How does society view a woman who cannot leave an unhealthy relationship? We view those women as pathetic, dependent, weak, lacking self respect, and generally unhealthy. But women are taught to view men who won’t stray, as stable, worthy, dependable, the ultimate goal.

But to live fearlessly, means to have no fear of abandonment, heartache, or loneliness. It means choosing your own path based on your own preferences, knowing that whatever life places in front of you is to be enjoyed now. It means knowing in full confidence, that you are that power that allows you to choose to move away from situations which no longer serve you.

So what if that sexy fireman turns out to be a dog later? Frightened women would avoid him no matter how much enjoyment he offers now, for fear that they might suffer later. Women are taught that we must choose the most stable man, for he is the one least likely to hurt us down the road. Is this life?

Looking for a perfectly respectable spouse, rather than a wild, sexy devil, they miss out on all the delights life offers now. We are young, we are capable, we are independent, so what have we got to lose living fearlessly?

Any mature, solid, man who offers stability is just a man who has lived dangerously while he could afford to do so. The point is, he lived. And now, when he is tired, expired, and least likely to stray, women are told that he is the prince. No. Absolutely not. He is just a human who has enjoyed all the wild and crazy adventures while he could, and now that his hairline is starting to recede, he is ready for the comforts of domesticity.

But where does that leave you? How much of your own youth have you spent searching for Mr. Right, and missed out on the opportunity to delight in Mr. Wrong- Mr. Oh, So Very Wrong ? 🙂 Avoiding him at all costs, you have missed out in the best that life has to offer, the fun, the excitement, the buffet or earthly delights.

Most women today, are capable, independent and stable themselves. In fact, we are doing so well, that we can afford to explore the world on our own, and take part in adventures reserved mostly for men years ago. We have little to gain from men, especially the staid, stable ones.  We can afford to sample the buffet of chiseled athletes, sexy firemen, brooding intellectuals, suave Latinos, and hot blooded Italians. Not enjoying all the gifts of the universe is like leaving a delicious morsel of cake untouched on your plate.

Sure, some women would rather live on a diet of lettuce leaves instead, but where does that place them in life?  It places them in line, holding an empty tray until some tame, spiritless, domesticated clod, grants them the ultimate prize, a marriage contract, and promises to never leave them. No thanks.

I went to college, studied hard, armed myself with an MBA, for one reason only- an investment in myself. Now that I know how capable I am, I have no need for someone else’s stability, security, or strength. I am all those things. I can afford those same adventures reserved only to bachelors, explorers and dare devils in the past. And I intend to learn from them all.

Will I get hurt? Sure, but I’ll heal just as fast. Will I get disappointed? Of course, disappointment is a natural part of life. Will I be emotionally scarred? Never, and if I do get a scar or two, I’ll wear them proudly. My point is, to live fearlessly means to seek the opposite of what society instructs us to do.

So what gift has the universe placed right in front of you today? Is it a trip to Bali, that you are too afraid to take on your own? Is it a super-charged sports car, you think you don’t deserve? Or is it a gorgeous heart-breaker that makes you shake in the knees? Afraid?

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