Solitude is a spiritual discipline. It is a practice that leads to personal growth and awakening. Spiritual masters have been teaching the art of solitude for centuries, yet here in America, solitude is still shunned and labeled as loneliness. Nothing could be further from the truth.
As I encounter more and more people who are wide awake, I can confirm that they relish their solitude. In fact, it is the principal sign that a person has awakened (among other signs). But this post isn’t about awakenings, it is more about the benefits, especially for women.
I get calls from many women, who would like me to teach them the art of being a Goddess. They are looking to become more attractive to men, as the goal is usually to secure a lifelong relationship. And in that first phone call, I elude to the importance of personal growth and development, which begins with solitude.
And here is where I see the most resistance. “No, I don’t want to be alone any more, I have been alone all my life”, “No, I am contacting you because I do not want to be alone”, “If I liked being alone, I wouldn’t have called you”, and “I am sick of doing everything by myself, I want a partner for life”. Yes you do, and you are all entitled to that beautiful partnership- I am too. But, what a lot of women don’t realize is that how they perceive their solitude is how others perceive them. And how they view their single status, is how others view them too.
In that rejection of solitude, spiritually, you are rejecting yourself. “I don’t like being alone” is the same as saying “I don’t like being alone with myself”, or “I do not like my own company”.
Years ago, as I was facing a very rough patch in my life, I realized that in order to heal, and move on, I had a lot of work to do on myself. My well meaning friends and relatives were only a distraction. Their advice, though well-intentioned, was only rooting me to their belief system, and conformity to their way of life. I had to find myself, I had to discover my inner truth, I had to face my inner demons, I had to discover who I am as a being, rather than accept how friends, parents and society defined me.
So I withdrew from the outer world, and embraced my inner world. I have been practicing meditation for years, so I knew how sweet it is. And in that inner world I discovered acceptance and appreciation for who I really am. I spent much of my time in nature, walking, breathing fresh air, talking to animals, soaking up sunshine, smiling at trees, smelling roses, and listening to the gentle sounds of water flowing.
Self-discovery, and self-awareness are keys to becoming a Goddess. Without going into too much detail about what it actually means, I will say to my clients who are looking to command the attention of the opposite sex, that being self-possessed is the most attractive quality a woman can have. Yet, this is such an elusive quality in a woman, because we are raised to be the opposite. Society teaches women how to gain validation from men, define ourselves by the quality or permanence of our relationships, seek approval, conform, worship security or stability that another person could provide, race the biological clock, beat ourselves up for not being in meaningful, binding relationships, etc.
Self-awareness and self-possession are at the opposite end of the spectrum. In solitude, we discover our soul, our meaning, our path. We love ourselves for who we really are, and make choices for ourselves, by ourselves, then project those decisions to the outside world. Goddesses are rare, but they truly exist.
We speak our minds, reject convention, define ourselves, live how we want to live. We do not judge ourselves, nor do we judge women who have made choices drastically different from our own. In fact, that is what TheGoddessPrinciples.net is about. It is about embracing our differences, our personal opinions, glorifying women who live solely on their own terms.
In terms of relationships, we do not seek validation from men. We are already valid in every sense of the word. We do not seek to bond to anyone, we are already in touch with ourselves. Women who do not seek to bind a man, are the ones men feel most attracted to. We exercise our choices, and always, always, always, those choices are in our own best interest, not in the interest of preserving a relationship or pleasing our partner. When relationships are unsatisfactory, we are capable of walking away. Rather than force our partners to change, try to make them better people, of obligate them into giving us more than they can, we are would rather meet someone who suits us better. Our personal time is so precious, that unless the other person is bringing us joy, ecstasy and an amazing experience, we would rather be alone.
Historically, women like us lived on the outskirts of society. We were vilified for daring to think, live life on our own terms, when it was unacceptable for women to be single and self-sufficient. In past centuries, women like us were accused of being whores, hags, spinsters, crones and witches, and though we had done nothing wrong, we were burned at the stake.
Today, more women are getting in touch with themselves. They are investing in themselves, and when relationships they seek do not materialize, they continue to explore the world, and grow on their own. They know they have a path, and they are happy to discover it by themselves. They know, with 100% certainty, that the relationships they stumble into along the way, will be learning experiences, beautiful moments, and life altering adventures. A soul mate will meet them on that path one day, but in the mean time they are happy in their own company.
Goddesses attract men, and command their attention by being 100% comfortable with themselves, 100% in love with themselves, 100% confident in their abilities, 100% in love with their solitude. It takes some training, and the process is slow. But whether a woman is willing learn to love her solitude is a telling sign whether she is willing to do the hard work to transform herself.