My home is my sanctuary. My personal space is very important to me. This is where I bliss, meditate, detach, relax, treat myself well, and do my best thinking. It is also where I work, create, and get in touch with my purpose.
For it to feel right, I need large windows that warm the room with lots of sunshine. I need art, like I need food, so the walls have to accommodate my favorite pieces. I also need peace, quiet and solitude, so it must protect me from the outside world.
My home reflects who I am as a person. I live simply, and am unattached to objects. Therefore my home must be uncluttered, and have a lot of empty space through which energy flows.
A good friend, who was also a Fung Shui practitioner once uncluttered my space and ordered me to throw out all of my possessions. The rule was that I could keep things that fall into one of two categories. I could only keep objects that were an absolute necessity like a tooth brush, a fork, or a coat. I could also keep objects that I am absolutely in love with, like my art, my cat, my car. Everything else was given away or tossed out. As soon as I re-entered my home, I felt the difference in the energy of the space. The flow of free moving, unobstructed energy in my home was very much noticeable, and it felt very good.
Today, I have added to that rule. In order to keep healthy energy in my home, I also keep certain people out. As harsh as this sounds, it is an absolute necessity in order for my home to function as my sanctuary.
All people have their own energy, some positive, some negative. When their energy is drastically different from ours, we don’t feel good around each other. I used to invite everyone into my space freely, as I loved entertaining at home and cooking for my favorite friends. But as I became more in tune to who I am, I started to notice the energy of people, and the energies they leave behind.
Have you ever noticed how certain people can suck the air out of a room as soon as they enter? Have you ever noticed how someone’s bad attitude is reflected in their vibe? It just lingers in the air long after they have left the room. They may be friends or loved ones, but now I meet them outside my home (if at all).
Knowing how much I relish silence, quiet and my space, I no longer invite people who talk incessantly, bitch or complain, are messy, obtrusive, and don’t respect my personal space.
What is amusing is that as soon as my home became a beautiful sanctuary, people wanted to visit even more. They liked my space as much as I do, and kept asking to visit, begged for invitations, twisted my arm or guilted me into inviting them. That it does not feel good to be obligated to do something that isn’t pleasant.
But here is where you have to be firm. I love my friends, but I love them even more when they respect my boundaries. I still invite people to visit, but only the sparkly ones with a healthy energy. I enjoy cooking for good friends, sharing a good bottle of wine or champagne, enjoy laughter and warm people as much as everyone else. But I now pay close attention to how I feel when they are in my space.
I had a friend years ago that was so much fun to be with, and we had so much in common. Yet, every time she was in my space, she would make herself so comfortable that she would act as if she actually lives here. She would open my drawers, make herself a drink, put her feet up on the coffee table, and just bask in my space. And, when it was time to leave, she would elude to how much fun a sleepover would be.
A guy I dated liked my home so much, he kept leaving a toothbrush on my sink each time he visited. I kept throwing it away, as a way to make it clear that we won’t be having that kind of relationship. Not taking a hint, he kept asking how much the rent was, whether there is adequate closet space for him, and commented how he would stock the fridge with his favorite beer. I was sure he loved my home much more than he liked me. But the point was, my home is my sanctuary, and unless someone is matching my vibe, and 100% compatible with me, he or she will not get an invitation.
This sounds cold and heartless to many people. People accuse me of being anti-social, and nothing could be further from the truth. I love people, I am quite a social butterfly, I go out a lot, and am probably one of the best connected people in my community. But I appreciate my life so much, that I make a huge effort to filter people out.
I am surrounded by healthy, happy, encouraging people who have lives of their own, paths to follow, and are constantly improving themselves. It is of no benefit to me to allow negativity, clutter, noise, problems, drama, neediness into my inner sanctum.
I have a friend (the Fung Shui practicioner) who lives in a beautiful, studio sanctuary. She owns two plates, two chairs, two forks, two cups, one roll of toilet paper, a tiny closed filled with 5carefully chosen, very flattering couture outfits, a few good paintings and a stunning jewelry collection. Though tiny, her personal space is absolutely heavenly. The first time I visited, it felt so good to be there, I too did not want to go home.
I meet new people constantly and I always pay attention to what their homes are like. I find that one’s personal space reflects their inner self. Cluttered, dingy, unclean, or just plain dirty is the space of a person who does not respect him or herself. They present well on the outside, but their emotional world is a mess.
Because I sense energy, I am extremely sensitive to what I feel inside other people. And at times, I just cannot afford to have them in my space. You may not be that sensitive, but you know when someone brings good vibes into your space. Pay attention to how you feel in every moment. Do they make you nervous, insecure, irritable? Or do they bring ease, fresh air, laughter, and good cheer?