Every human being comes into this world absolutely in love with itself. Just look into a child’s eyes, and you will see nothing but ecstasy in any given moment. The wonder of discovering one’s toes, the absolute pleasure of seeing your belly button for the first time. We laugh uncontrollably, unconditionally, at the sight of anything at all. This is the epitome of self-love.
But somewhere around age of 1, (about the time we start walking), we start to discover the world around us. Though we are not fully self aware, we begin to explore our surroundings and as we fall, break objects, or bump into things, we begin to hear the word No.
In their best intentions, they start using the word N to protect us from harm. But what is No? It is denial. It is denial of what we want right now that will please us most, in the now.
As time progresses, we hear more No’s, but we also learn to mimic people around us. We begin to talk the way they talk, to move the way they do, to absorb the energy, attitudes, and feelings of grown ups around us. When they laugh, we laugh. When they hate, even though that doesn’t feel right, we try to “feel” for our parents and understand how and why they hate.
Eventually, our feelings toward us are the feelings our parents project onto us, as well as the feelings they have for themselves. Self love, though a natural part of the soul, begins to extinguish, and we begin to accept society’s idea that self love is somehow shameful, selfish, conceited, narcissistic, and wrong.
Forty years later, a woman is struggling to understand how she can possibly love herself. It may not even be a goal to love herself, until she realizes that she cannot find someone to love her, until she accomplishes that task. But really, why do we deny the most basic human need to other humans?
Self-love should be taught in schools. It should be encouraged in every child no matter how much society screams against it. After all, would we need organized religion if we were all in love with ourselves? Probably not. Would women be starving themselves, pining for men, worrying about their biological clocks, obsessing over anything, voraciously reading romance novels, and believing in fairy tales and prince charming if they were absolutely in love with themselves? No. Instead, we would have a healthy view of our selves, and in that immense self appreciation we would be aware that we are Goddesses.
I find that later in life, women embark on a project to get to know themselves, and learning to appreciate ourselves with all our flaws is a monumental task. Most only accept the bare minimum they need in order to get by.
But what is a Goddess? Take a look at a little girl, and you will have your answer.
She is absolutely happy with herself. She is content to play all by herself in her room with her toys, but when others join her play, she treats them kindly.
She needs nothing, because she has everything. At a young age, she has no obsessions, no self denial, no worries, she is not aware of any of her flaws.
She has no need for men or boys. She has no need for girls or friends to fill holes in her life. She is not even aware that a boy could in any way fulfill her needs, or improve her life in any way. That is because she is aware of her inner truth. No one can fulfill her, complete her, or do anything at all- she revels in her own perfection.
Kids are not aware of lack. But at a certain age, they begin to absorb like sponges an awareness of what is missing in their lives. As they become aware of what is wrong, they lose sight of what is absolutely perfect.
Adults show them that we cannot be happy unless we have someone to love us. Wrong. A child knows inherently that love is for the self. A child knows naturally that happiness is everywhere. A child knows with 100% certainty that he/she is all there is. A child is the universe all by itself. And we indoctrinate that child with the opposite of truth.
When in doubt, ask yourself how would a little Goddess see herself. Would she select the best possible box of candy for herself, the biggest ice-cream there is, or would she choose the tiniest, yuckiest treat for herself? A Goddess will chose the best for herself at all times. Do you choose the best man, or do you settle for the one who will have you? Do you buy yourself the best shoes you can afford, or do you tell yourself you don’t need to show off? Perhaps you have forgotten what self love is.
Does a little Goddess know that she will be judged by how she learns to accommodate men, does she care if boys will accept her, does she know that she has a biological expiration date? Does she dream of being an astronaut and is she even aware how difficult becoming one would be? NO. All she knows is she is going to be an astronaut. What you have accepted in life, is what you have settled for. But, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve more.
Being in love with oneself, is giving yourself permission to want the best for yourself. This is not narcissistic. This is healthy. Being in love with yourself means being okay when others have more, or better. We are so in love with ourselves, we don’t seethe with envy when someone is doing better, instead we clap our hands and wish them even more.
A woman who is absolutely in love with herself feels complete at all times. She does not obsess over relationships, friendships, or other people. She is all there is, and she is perfectly content. Ironically, this is the Goddess most men dream of, and rarely meet.
A woman who is absolutely in love with herself does not judge others, especially not other women. She understands that they too are walking the path toward self-discovery and allows them their mistakes, their flaws, their experiments, their self-expression no matter how they chose to live.