Today’s post was inspired by a video one of my fellow Goddesses posted in our private Facebook group. If you are a woman who can handle opinions drastically different than her own, without judgment or vitriol, and would love to join our open discussions, please check out the group’s rules, and join.
It has always been my opinion that women compromise way too much in relationships, and thus compromise away their integrity and their self-respect. When I speak about this particular subject, the men who read my posts (65% of my blog readers are men), agree with my opinion almost a 100%. It is usually the women who make a heated argument FOR compromise, as a way to keep a relationship healthy and moving forward.
So, Eartha’s interview is really close to my heart for several reasons. For one, it truly reflects my own attitude, and also, it is the key to my being a Goddess, and my dating and relationship success. This is the one lesson I always have trouble getting through women’s heads, but is truly at the core of who a Goddess is.
Who is the Goddess?? She is a woman who lives her life by her own rules. She enjoys life fully, and every aspect of it, simply because she lives on her own terms. Her career is focused, her relationships are abundant, and she OWNS her own sexuality (she does not trade it away). The Goddess is that irresistible woman who can commands armies of men, eager to serve her. No, she does not use men for anything at all. She is that magnetic creature for whom men want to do everything, just for the opportunity to be in her presence. In relationships, she always maintains her own space, her integrity, her self-respect. She will never compromise those things that make her the Goddess away. She loves freely, deeply, passionately, but her philosophy on relationships is “Letting Go”, and not holding on to anything too tightly. She always maintains an open door policy, and by that, very few men can afford to leave. Her goal in life is not to secure a male’s commitment, but to always be personally fulfilled and ecstatic.
Eartha Kitt is a total Goddess. Her interview, and the answer to the question if she would compromise if she met a man who gave her a relationship is answered beautifully! With a huge laugh. That was my reaction exactly when I heard this.
com·pro·mise : To accept standards that are lower than desired.
Women have been taught from a young age that compromise is key to securing a relationship with a man. I teach the opposite, that the very first time a woman shows she is willing to compromise, she has just signed a death sentence to that relationship and pandered away her self-respect. If she is able to keep that relationship by compromising, she becomes a slave to his whims, leaves the ball in his court enabling him to decide where the relationship goes and when, and thus she makes it clear that he is more important than her. And unfortunately, this is how most women go through relationships, always running after that dangling carrot of commitment. No thanks.
A woman with integrity, is focused on one thing only- maintaining her self-respect. Nothing matters more. The very first time a man implies that my compromise will be necessary if I hope to keep him, he gets the same reaction from me that you just got from Eartha Kitt. A loud cackle, with a sympathetic smile “Oh dear boy, what makes you think I will be keeping you?”
By not compromising, I maintain the ball always in my court. Sure, I hit the ball back, but only when I am sure he is the one I want to play ball with. I maintain that throughout the entire dating process or relationship. I am always evaluating whether he meets my standards, only hitting the ball back when I want to see more from him. Sure, the ball drops often, very often. But I am never concerned about keeping the man, only my standards.
This sounds rough to most women, and I admit 90% never make it past step one. When I exchange emails with my male followers, they too express their frustration and hope to one day meet a woman who cares about her integrity more than she cares to have the relationship. Men agree, that women are too eager to compromise themselves and their personal needs, and their interest fades as soon as they notice her lack of self-respect.
This is why I tell women to absolutely never read dating advice, as each book or columnists touts the importance of compromise. It is no surprise that two weeks in a relationship, most women are standing on their heads wondering when is that ideal moment to reply to his text, whether she is supposed to pretend to be busy and reject a Saturday night date, and always pretend to have other options. Compromising women usually have no other options, and most men know that. When a woman compromises, she reaches a certain point where she just can’t sink any lower to please a man. At a certain point, she is a doormat, and she got to his doorstep by compromising. It is too late to raise her standards now, he already witnessed how little she respects herself.
Dating and relationships for me, serve one purpose only, and that is to evaluate throughout the entire process how well this person complements my lifestyle, how well he fits with my personal goals, and whether I am growing or whether I am shrinking in this process. I don’t ever consider commitment because there is no way to know before 1 year has passed whether he qualifies for it.
Some call this selfish, but it is a sign of personal integrity and a deep self respect. Women criticize me that I am too harsh on men, and that being so selfish will never get me into a marriage. If that is the price of marriage, I say, no thanks. I have been wed before, and though it was a beautiful experience, I learned too much from compromising myself for the sake of maintaining a happy marriage. I will never do that again. Either I will find a man who is in sync with me (the only man worth waiting for), or I will enjoy a few of the 73 men who are constantly buzzing around me waiting for my attention.
What most mortal women don’t realize, is that even if they don’t consider themselves Goddesses, they still are the prize in any relationship. They waste too much time chasing relationships, rather than being chased. All women are eager to find out how to always be chased by men, but very few are capable of maintaining the one standard that ensures that- her integrity. Almost always, she signs that away the very first time she is asked to compromise for him.
There are two kinds of men out there. Strong men, and weak men. Both always dream of finding that one woman who is not a doormat, the woman they can shower with affection, admiration, and respect. Both kinds of men are insecure. That is okay. But strong men prove their strength when they are turned on by her integrity, and her unwillingness to compromise. This is the point when they crave more of her. Weak men balk that this woman has standards, and almost always insist that she drops them if she wants to go further in the relationships. What these men maintain is that they are the prize, and that she should be striving to earn them.
There are two kinds of women out there, Goddesses and mortals. All men want the Goddess, very few qualify. The ones who do, are turned on by her integrity, in fact, they are always eager to find out more about her. It is almost as if they don’t believe that a woman will be able to maintain her integrity for long, and are watching for signs that she will compromise herself away, even just a little. I have been tested multiple times. Almost every man is intrigued when I say exactly what I think, say no when I am not pleased, demonstrate that I cannot be bought with money, and walk away when his actions do not meet my standards. And they keep testing, the tests never end. All through the relationship, he wants to know whether I will buckle. They dangle commitment carrots in front of me, and I never bite. They dangle diamond rings in front of me, and I say no thanks. I won’t compromise myself for a rock. And this is what it takes to maintain an army of men.
As I said before, my biggest critics are women, not men. That is okay. The women who see that integrity always works in my favor, are the ones crawling out of long, painful relationships and marriages, where they sank too low too fast, and are now trying to rebuild. For them, I have great admiration, because I know that once a woman decides to rebuild her self respect as opposed to rebuild a relationship, she is well on her way to becoming a total Goddess. Most are surprised that uncompromising integrity really works, and are in a state of disbelief when they see how well men respond to it. Like me, they are constantly being tested by their men, but that is simply a sign the men are addicted to her.
And once the men declare their loyalty to the Goddess, trust me they are going nowhere. She is that one in a million they have been searching all their lives for, and will slay dragons and crawl across ditches to keep her.
To all those women who think that my uncompromising attitude is too harsh, I only have proof to show for it. I cannot convince them that personal integrity is key to happiness, most think that commitments, diamond rings, and marriage contracts are far more worthy. That is until they see how many men are fighting for my attention at all times. I do not use these men, I am never cruel, always classy, in fact, I never ever take anything from them. A Goddess does not use men, she is not for sale. She always has their attention by being classy, kind, a good friend. I do not mess with men’s minds or play with their emotions. A Goddess does not manipulate. I state clearly if I am not interested, and don’t accept free drinks from men I don’t want. I always pay my own way, demonstrating that my attention is not for sale.
Eartha Kitt’s statement about compromise really hit the nail on the head. A statement like that likely got her a lot of criticism from both men and women. I am sure she was okay with that. The few women who have the guts to stand up for themselves and refuse to compromise away their integrity, are ahead of their times, and total Goddesses in my book. Over the years, I have amassed a nice circle of Goddesses I now call my friends. We exchange ideas, fan each others’ flames, travel together, and always push each other forward. Our motto is: No apologies, No regrets.