Do You Need a Mentor, or Do You Study Champions?

Who is mentoring you? Why? What was your intent behind finding a mentor?

Before you choose one, think wisely who this person is, and what they have accomplished? Have they achieved where you want to be? No one can teach you how to be more than they are themselves. Their ceiling, is your ceiling.

I urge women not to look for mentors, but more importantly to find champions. There can be a tendency for the word mentor to sound like taking someone under your wing. I am a naturally action-oriented person who feels there is far too much coddling in the world and too little doing. So I urge you to find champions because champions are people who make sh*t happen for themselves.

Find a person who doesn’t quit. Find that person who doesn’t take No for an answer. Find the one who moves forward despite what others think. Find that person who does not back down. When you find her, don’t twist her arm into mentoring you. If she is as focused and single minded as she needs to be to succeed, she will politely say No.

Instead, stay close and pay attention to what she is doing. Respectfully keep enough distance to not get in her way, but watch her focus, her drive, her moves.

If you still need someone to hold your hand, know that this is not the work for a champion. A winner cannot win with others latched on.

If you are serious about success, hire and pay for a coach. They are trained to guide you along, but not be your crutch. Study winners, champions and doers. Emulate them, live and breathe like them. But don’t make your progress dependent on their ability to guide you along, and never expect someone to be responsible for you. That is not their job, it is always yours.

In life, there are winners and there are losers. The difference is simple. Winners are single minded, focused, determined to get what they want. They make their success dependent solely on themselves. Sure they study others, ask for advice, and take it only from the best. But they make themselves solely responsible for achieving what they want.

There are others who have a goal, and would much appreciate success, but don’t want to do it alone. They spend time looking for someone to advise them, guide them, inspire them, preferably join a club of others who too, don’t want to do it on their own. They would very much like it, if someone would be kind enough to lead them to success, show them how its done, cry with them when it isn’t working, share their failures. We all fail, that is a fact of life. But how we get up and move on, separates the champions from the wannabes.

When we fail, some of us get back up, reformulate our action plans, and try again. Others grab onto someone else’s hand, look around to see if a hug will be offered to them, if someone will commiserate with them, rehash their pains and analyze their failures, only to look again towards others for that encouragement they need to try again. Which category do you fall into?

The reason I encourage you to find a champion rather than a mentor is that there is a difference in mentality between someone who is looking toward others, and someone fully prepared to do it on her own. A mentee will always be looking for guidance, a champion will take action all by herself.

Here is another characteristic of someone thirsty for success. She is serious enough to pay for whatever it takes to get there. Whether she is paying for education to acquire new skills, or paying a coach for a bit of fine tuning, a woman serious about her progress will generously, abundantly, willingly and gratefully pay for someone’s time. The one who is not looking to succeed, but someone willing to walk the path with her, will most likely look for a mentor, an advisor willing to work for free, a shoulder to cry on, someone to reaffirm her desires as well as shoulder her pains.
In my career, and in my current work for TheGoddessPrinciples I am inundated with calls from women looking for guidance and inspiration. I started this project for that very reason, to kick the driven woman in the butt, show her that she can do whatever she wants, and live exactly how she pleases. I love the feedback I get from them, as it confirms that I am doing something that matters.
But in this process, I can’t tell you how many times people have asked to talk to me on the phone, connect with me socially, or simply get to know me. I am one of those people who can pick up the phone, tap into a person, and lift them up with only a few words. I have the ability to see inside people, identify their blocks and inspire them to be a lot more than they think they can be. Here is what I have learned by giving my time away for free.
People who rely on the kindness of others to get them through life, are looking for someone to rely on for the rest of their life. They are not looking for good advice, they are looking for continued advice. They are not looking to do hard work on themselves, they are looking for you to show them you care by doing work on them.  If you are serious about your own success, eventually you learn you can’t make others successful for them. You can succeed on your own, then let them watch and emulate. Those who are ready to do the work, will get up and do it.
And this is why I don’t like mentorship, even though every business book parrots the concept. I see a huge difference between women who need a mentor, and women who study champions. One is looking for a crutch, emotional support and an unpaid guide. The other, is looking for the fastest course toward results. One balks at paying for it, the other will pay any price because she knows success isn’t free.

S

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