Scary woman. Is there something wrong with being scary? If you are a scared man, a lot. If you are insecure, macho, weak, artificial, egotistical, boastful, disrespectful, unreliable, untruthful, narcissistic, characterless, a bully, I guarantee you won’t feel like a man standing next to me. It takes me 5 seconds to put a man in his place, using nothing but evidence, reason, and his own words. If that is a bad characteristic for a woman to have, okay, call me scary.
I’m comfortable being scary. I always was outspoken, and always willing the stick my neck out to call bullshit, expose a coward, stand up to a bully, even when I was urged to be moderate, tone down my rhetoric for fear people could get hurt? Who?
Who are these people who find truth scary? The ones who have been protecting bogus manhood for years, the ones who have a lot to lose if false masculinity is exposed, the ones afraid to lose protection of these phonies some call men. They are the wives who burried their heads in the sand decades ago, so that he could be the man. The daughters who took a slap on the ass, learned submission at a young age, and now believe in patriarchy and power of men . They are the mothers who raised them, who coddled them to become entitled narcissits who believe that women are there to support their delusions. But most of all, they are the men who have worn the crown of manhood since the first day they discovered their penis, and have never had to do anything to earn the title.
Face it, society has been protecting delusions of old men for thousands of years. Man-coddling is so pervasive that it is the pillar of every religion on earth, the base of every political system, and supporting the grand delusion has always been the only proper way for a woman to be. Speaking out against male transgressions, harassment, misdemeanors, has always resulted in a painful and degrading backlash from both men and women at the same time. Not only has it not been appropriate to expose misoginy, lewdness, barbarism and impropriety, doing so will get the accuser slapped with the label of crazy, vengeful, desperate, attention skeeing whore. The price an accuser would pay has always been greater than any cost to the tormenter. And this is how false masculinity has survived for thousands of years.
To be clear, there is a big difference between a man and a male suffering from dellusions of male grandeur. A real man respects women. Every one of his words and actions shows utmost respect for his equal. An impostor makes disparaging remarks, mild enough to be forgiveable and immediately dismissed in case he is called out. He is threatened by equality, her achievements, independence, and is absolutelly disgusted by women who do not need a man at all. A real man earns your respect, a false one, demands it. In fact he demands to be treated like a man, asks that women make him feel like a man, and that he be recognized for his manhood. Why? When a male needs a woman to treat him like a man, it is because he is not a man. He is very well aware of his shortcomings, so he needs her to compensate. You recognize him, he uses the term “real man” every time he refers to himself.
For centuries women have been taught to protect men and to protect their own reputations by staying quiet. We are told to think of the damage we could cause to his family, and to other people. Why should the victim protect a harasser’s family, and why does he not have to? If he respects his own family, why did he expose himself, then demand mercy when it is time to account for his actions?
We have been protecting losers who do not qualify as men and should not be allowed to use that word. Staying silent has only weakened us, and empowered them. I am sick and tired of protecting people’s husbands, brothers, fathers, at the expense of my own dignity. I speak up, no matter what it costs me. If you have a problem being spoken to, I will put you in your place, and the price will be paid by you and no one else. These losers have been hiding behind the skirts of their wives, mothers, and daughters for centuries and calling themselves men. Unless we name names and start pointing fingers, the delusions of fake masculinity will keep haunting us.
Please consider, think long and hard. Who are we protecting, and why? Any time a woman speaks up, she is urged to not be too harsh with her accusations, not name names for people could get hurt. We all know her credibility and motives are automatically questioned, for if she speaks in general terms without naming names, there is no real perpetrator, only the unfortunate victim.
And thus fasle masculinity has always relied upon the grace and benevolence of women, employees, wives, mothers and daughters to not expose the perpetrator, not unmask the pervert, for the sake of all those who surround him. Others could get hurt, and by speaking out the victim is warned not to destroy a family, doing so makes her evil, despicable, and oscene, but not the man hiding behind that family.
It is time for that false masculinity to topple. I have no problem with it, and neither do countless other “scary women” who are not afraid to speak out. When men stay silent, or question when will it be enough, when will these exposees stop, my answer is when every loser is exposed. After all, each victim deserves her dignity, and every perpetrator just punishment. If that means that some wives and mothers will be embarassed, I’m okay with that- it is time that women learn there is no reward for propping up manhood, and that there is more dignity in waking away.
To be clear, I have no problem with authetic masculinity at all. I am proud of all my male friends who have spoken out in support of their female coworkers, friends, and neighbors. Many have challenged their own employers, their own friends, and their own belief systems, some have even asked the most important question of all: How have I contributed to the problem, and how can I change, then help you? How can I be a better co-worker, friend, husband, boyfriend? Masculinity is not dead, it is just being born. We all have yet to learn who the real men are, as they are just starting to speak out, challenge old belief systems, push back against status quo, tradition and patriarchy.
But in general, the real men have always been there, they too have been labeled all kinds of names when they stood for equality and empowered women. They are the men who congratulate you on your successes, encourage you to speak up, don’t doubt your abilities, don’t take pleasure in your failures. They don’t need women to make them feel like men, they know they already are. They don’t build illusions, then demand you support their dellusions, they are okay with who they are, and in who we are.