Most of my friends know that I meditate, and have been doing so for 12 yrs. What started as a simple exercise to learn to calm myself and quell an anxiety attack, turned into lifelong practice that has expanded my world beyond my wildest dreams. I should write about meditation more often, especially about how it has helped me connect to myself, shift my focus within, but more importantly, how it has sharpened my ability to read energy, and how that has improved my dating life.

Friends often ask me why I refuse to give someone a chance.  People have described me as stubborn, unyielding and not willing to make a compromise- to date a man simply for the possibility that some day I might change my opinion, and perceive him differently than I do now. Sure, on the outside it looks like I am cold and disinterested, but on the inside, I have read him, I see his energy and know it does not match mine.

How do I do that? I think we are all born with the ability to perceive energy, we are taught to turn that ability off, and judge based on outer actions, words, gestures and evidence. In doing that we can often be fooled by what a person says, or their act, and we remain blind to what’s on the inside. But that inner being is everything we are searching for. What good is a knight in shining armor when inside he is a giant void?

Words can lie, words can deceive, words can make an empty human appear to be much fuller than they really are. But energy is that clear signal each being emits that tells you exactly who they are. Tune into that, and you’ve got more information about a person than you can get from a blood sample.

Reading energy has enabled me to avoid a major disaster. A couple of years ago I fell in love with an angel. This was the most amazing human I have ever met, or so I thought. This man fit the definition of The One, he was giving, caring, loving, affectionate, and a solid human being. One of the things I always look for in a person is character, and this person was a man of steel- he had unshakable loyalty, his words actually meant something, and so it seemed I had met my match. But from the start, I sensed something was off. And I ignored that red flag as we all do, so as long as he kept acting kindly, I kept “giving him a chance”, suspending that sense that was telling me to pay more attention, in favor of all the physical evidence he was presenting.

One of the things that meditation does, is it suspends your physical senses and your perception of what is, and enables you to perceive far beyond that. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that he and I could communicate via ESP, sense each other from a continent away, tune into each other and feel what the other is going through in every moment. While I was fascinated by this energetic interaction, even convinced that this must be The One, there was that gnawing feeling that something about this isn’t right. And the more I enjoyed the physical relationship, the more I ignored what he was emitting.

Everything in this world is made up of energy, but what most people don’t know is that energy talks. Depending of which of your non-physical senses is strongest, you will perceive energy in different ways, even in multiple ways. Some people see it, others hear it, some feel it, know it, or can touch it. I will write about this later, but our reads are specific only to us, and how we energetically perceive an object is clouded by our own perspective, projection and physical experiences. So, what I read is usually different from what another person reads in the same person. This is why it is so important to learn to sharpen your own ability, rather than rely on someone else. What they perceive can never be as accurate as what you perceive all by yourself.

And so, when men demand “give me a chance”, “you don’t know me, I am really a great guy”, I often politely say “I am sure you are, but I feel no chemistry between us”. I don’t need his dating resume, I don’t need opinions of his friends, words are just words, all I need is to tune into this person standing next to me, to see what I need to know. Everybody does this, some of us are not as aware that we are actually sensing energy.  I joke that I don’t need a date, and that I can’t bear to spend more that 5 seconds giving a chance to someone who I can read. According to dating books, I am that cruel, cold-hearted, closed off, conceited bitch who doesn’t give good guys a fair chance. In fact, I have been called that many times. I’m okay with that. What I have practiced for the last 12 years, and what has served me very well, is meditation, and becoming more aware of energy.

What is cool about this is that aside from filtering out people who are not a match, it does allow me to slowly gravitate towards those who are. Not all of those men are available, single, ready or as tuned into me as I am into them. That is okay, many of them turn into excellent friends and compatible business partners.  But all tend to be like-minded, and their character tends to look a lot like mine.

In fact, several years ago, I had to make some drastic changes in my personal life. I decided to only be available to people who are my energetic match. Rather than break up with friends or dump anyone, I simply shifted my focus inward. I became most in tune to myself, ignoring other people’s dramas. I focused largely on my self awareness, moment by moment, opening and closing my chakras, monitoring where in my body energy flows, and allowing for all those fascinating experiences that meditation brings. In a matter of 60 days, all those friends who were not my energetic match, simply found something better to do. I never used harsh words to break up with anyone, instead I shifted my focus, and minded my own being.

What was amazing is that new people started to show up, and we all connected energetically rather than traditionally. There was no evaluation of what can you do for me, will you tend to my feelings, show me your loyalty, or obligate yourself to serve my needs, instead there was just laughter, chemistry and a deeper understanding. What makes these friends more valuable to me is that each person tends to his or her own energy without demanding it from others. We have all noticed that when we are together, the energy in a room changes. We also notice when a newcomer matches or feeds off our juice.

So, in terms of relationships, I have learned to trust my own senses more than those of other people. When I meditate regularly, my senses are sharp, when I slack off, my senses are duller. When I meet someone whose energy I like, I tend to linger around them reading what they emit. Often I notice that even when they are not looking, even with their back turned, they are reading me too. Are words really necessary at that point?  Do we need a dating profile to know anything about this human? No matter what they say or do on the outside, you can clearly read who they are on the inside, and that is the main characteristic that matters to me.

As time passes, and your senses become sharper you will notice a change in how you perceive people. Where in the past you had to rely on words, actions, and signals, now you can see beyond that. To me a non-match sounds like just noise. They may be talking, but the words are empty. They don’t resonate at all. In fact, most people are conditioned to put their best foot forward, present themselves in the best possible way, say the right things, use pleasing words, smile, and show effort to find their match. I just breathe people in.

When someone is a match, they can remain silent. They are emitting an energy that I like being around. If they care to start talking, their words ring a bell. What they say doesn’t matter, it all resonates. I am sure if they couldn’t speak a word of English, I would understand them anyway.

Every human has baggage, problems, challenges, issues. We have all made serious mistakes in life, and are paying the price. We have all been crushed, bruised, broken. And we all fear that if someone sees those flaws, we will be judged and rejected. In fact, this is how the dating tradition has taught us to evaluate other humans. People claim they want to connect on a soul level, but they spend too much time judging life’s circumstances instead. I am guilty of that too.

What I have learned from tuning into people’s energy is that every single one of us feels fear, guilt, and uncertainty. One can’t be enlightened without experiencing the dark side. Does your fear look like mine? Can you relate to the most horrible things I have experienced?  Will you judge me when you see my mistakes, my deep scars, my handicap?  Or will you uncover each of my sins, then demand I repent? Some people go through life demanding repentance and control in relationships, because it makes them feel more virtuous.

People who have been there, and learned from those experiences will understand you perfectly. Every soul is scarred, you just have to find the one who sees in you exactly what you see in them.  You can kiss a thousand slimy frogs, none of them will turn into a prince. Or, you can close your eyes, tune into yourself, and let your radar guide you in the right direction.

S