Are you satisfied with his performance? What an odd question, but it is something most women can’t answer. They don’t evaluate relationships based on their own personal satisfaction, instead they evaluate them based on what he says, what he wants, and whether it is moving forward. But how silly it is to be moving forward when you don’t know if you are satisfied? Most women get into “something” not called a relationship, and because they are eager to move forward, completely forget to evaluate his performance as her man. They are just grateful that the relationship is moving forward, so they don’t want to rock the boat and evaluate what kind of a human he is, how much of what he claims about himself is true, whether his words match his actions, an most importantly, how well does he keep me satisfied?
Instead of asking a man how he feels about you, I think it is more important to determine for yourself what his actions and behavior add up to, and decide for yourself whether that is enough. We are often looking towards others to tell us how they feel, and then we take their word for it. We often get hung up on their words, and forget that their behavior towards us is much more important. After all, what value is a guy who says he is really into you, if he is also into someone else? What really matters much more than words is his performance. Yep, without telling him that you are evaluating him, evaluate his performance as if he is applying for position of your boyfriend. Don’t tell him what to do, don’t ask him to behave a certain way, that would be like the interviewer giving away all the correct answers to the applicant- just observe whether his performance makes him the kind of man you have in mind.
The only opinion that matters about how the relationship is going is your own. Are you satisfied? I know this sounds unfair, but very often we get into relationships with people who say one thing, then act completely differently. Often people describe themselves one way, and want you to believe them, and when their actions don’t match their words, they accuse you of misunderstanding, having unreasonable expectations, or that you should believe in the person they think they are, rather than the person you see for yourself.
Women have a tendency to believe others more than they believe their own judgment, and feel very guilty when their rational estimation of a man differs from what he claims to be. Trust yourself. Words are useless. Ask me who I am, and I will mouth off the best description of myself I can think of. But meet me in person, and you’ll notice I am quite ordinary. Ask my best friend, and you will get one truth, ask a friend who I broke up with a few months ago, and you will hear I am a monster. We all believe we are far greater, much more honorable, and much more conscious and self-developed than our neighbor. So, never take a man’s word that he’s good. Decide for yourself.
But, the reality is, our relationships will only work if we are truly satisfied with the relationship. So, what difference does it make if he tells you, Some day I’d like to have a family. Is he trying to build a family with you now? No? Then he is not your man. What difference does it make when he says I love ambitious, hard-working women like you. Is he still dating other ambitious, hard-working women other than you? What difference does it make if he says I really like you, I hope you feel the same, if he only replies to texts once a week? Regardless of what his reasoning is (he could be working 24 hrs a day), all that matters is how does he please you? Are you happy with his performance as a boyfriend, or are you still negotiating to have more time with him? If you are begging for more time, you are not satisfied.
All too often women are negotiating with men who are not on the same page with them. He said he loves you, but you only Netflix and chill. It does not matter if his mother said that she would like you as her daughter-in-law, what matters is IS THE GODDESS SATISFIED? Is the Goddess happy? Does the Goddess want more than what he is offering? If you think that this sounds selfish, ask yourself how men evaluate relationships. Would men get flattered by a woman’s words, or do they have expectations she must meet? How long would a man put up with being just an option? Do men negotiate for or beg for more time with women? Rarely. They know what they want, and if they aren’t getting it, they keep looking. Men keep dating until they are fully satisfied. Actions speak louder than words, so always observe the actions, and observe your own feelings and satisfaction levels. Words make a frog sound like a prince, but his performance is the only thing that can make him real. You are not in a relationship until you are fully satisfied, and no man is a real man unless he is real to you.
I recently started dating someone unimpressive, which makes it easier to be detached and observant. He seems fairly decent, but he is doing a lot of talking. You’d be amazed what you learn about people if you simply let them talk. I see that he is talking a lot about himself, and that he keeps repeating things that he thinks will impress me. Okay, we all boast about things that are important to us. But he is repeating words like penthouse, speedboat, fund-manager, and Bugatti, and while I keep changing the subject, he keeps dropping those words over and over again. Conclusion: He is too insecure and too superficial for me. And this conclusion is very important because most women would still continue dating the guy even if they observe his conceit.
Most women accept whatever he says, thinking that he is a nice guy, trying really hard, treating them really nice, and best of all, he is pushing the relationship forward. But why would you want to go forward with someone who can’t acknowledge anything but his own possessions? Eventually, far into the relationship they will realize that he is not very honest, nor impressive as he made himself out to be, but whatever, for some it is better to be in a relationship. And this is how a lot of people get into situations they had no intention of being in. They went along with whatever was presented without evaluating how they truly feel with this person.
Since I wasn’t seeing anyone more interesting, I decided to keep observing to see what kind of a situationship he is going to build. I observed that he is pushing this situation forward even without my participation. I told him honestly that I am not that into him. I am a big believer in telling people the truth, because the truth is that one thing that we are all owed in relationships. Despite that, he kept planning dates, sending flowers and actually using the phone. I was starting to get uncomfortable because he seemed to be ignoring that I am not that interested, that I was asking for less time, less flowers, not such elaborate dinners. My actions always reflect the level of my interest. I would never lead someone into believing that I am really into them when I am not, nor would I go with the flow, when I want things to slow down. We all have a responsibility to act honestly and not take advantage of people. So, I was asking for more time and distance and he was ignoring my requests. Here is a person who hasn’t heard one word I said the entire month. A very important observation. My lack of interest wasn’t even acknowledged. To most women this should be a huge red flag, but many would be flattered by his eagerness. He then offered to take me away for a long weekend, and I declined. I explained that I was uncomfortable with him planning a getaway when I told him several times that I am not feeling this relationship, and he was flabbergasted. He was astonished, offended, blown away that I am not into him. I won’t go into details, but quite often we women get into situations with people simply because a relationship is offered, giving little thought to our evaluation of this human being.
But who this person is on the inside, and what kind of a relationship he is capable of creating is the most important factor you absolutely must evaluate. And the only way to get people to show their true colors is to let them be who they truly are. That means not spelling out how you expect them to act, what you want them to do for you, and what rewards they will get for good behavior. Anyone who wants you for even fifteen minutes will deliver exactly what you asked for to get a little action. And when they deliver what you asked for, thy will demand a reward. A dog will do that too.
Most women I know are after a quality, deeply satisfying bond with a true person. Yet their dating strategy does not allow them to determine whether he is all that. Before you start pushing the relationship forward, before you even use the word relationship, you must know who this person is on the inside and what his definition of a good relationship is. His definition could be great sex, yours could be an intimate pillow talk. That’s not a great match, so why go along with it?
It is amazing to me how many women cannot answer the question Are you truly satisfied? Most of the time, it takes some prodding on my behalf to get them to admit that they are actually satisfied with nothing at all. This person they are in a situationship with is just some willing participant who does not possess the qualities they want, is only halfway a decent human being, is only truthful some of the time, has a very flexible spine, but he means well and he has feelings. Come on, we all know what a waste of time it is to be in a situation with an amoeba. The delusion that he could some day turn into a lion is all yours.
Spend more time observing and evaluating your own feelings, your own level of happiness and satisfaction in your daily interactions with this person, and be very honest with yourself. You should be much more concerned with whether you are satisfied than whether he is. You should be much more cognizant of who this person is morally, politically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually than you usually are. You should be impressed by the real person, not by his fictitious estimation of himself. And you absolutely should be turned on, not just meh and going through the motions with him because he wants a relationship.
So sit back and relax. There’s nothing for you to do. Watch him create the kind of relationship he is capable of, and accept that this is the best relationship he has to offer. Yes, you should participate in the relationship, meet him half-way, pay for some dates, and go with the flow. But, always stay in observation mode. Rather than make demands, or manage him like a project, adopt a hands-off policy. There is nothing to be done, nothing to be asked for, no behavior to be corrected. Your only job is to evaluate: How am I feeling with him now? How does the relationship with him feel? Am I satisfied or is something missing? Do I feel like I am in a healthy relationship? Any decent human who truly wants to be in a fully functioning relationship will make it so. Any human who doesn’t know what he wants will act like a flake. Any human being who is still playing the field will be inattentive, aloof, missing for some periods of time. All you have to do is observe what kind of relationship is he creating for us right now? Is he creating a friendship with benefits? Is that for you?
Never try to negotiate with someone who wants something you don’t. You are wasting your time. No one has ever argued anyone successfully into love. No one fell in love because they lost an argument. If he wants something casual, acknowledge it, don’t twist it into something it is not, and if a causal relationship, or a friendship with benefits isn’t for you, don’t waste your time here.
I learned a long time ago that a vast majority of people who cross my path aren’t worth slowing down for. Some of them are very lovely people, but they are not going my way. When I meet someone who meets my personal requirements, I am actually attracted to, and who is 100% available to me, I gladly slow down and get to know him. The 100%ers, the men who know what they want, are actually doing the work, and totally serious, are the only ones worth slowing down for. But you will never know if he is worth your time, unless you are true to yourself and determine AM I SATISFIED?