The Power of Failing at Love, Again and Again

How many times have you been married or divorced? How many times have you experienced a “failed” relationship? Do you feel “unsuccessful” at relationships? Why do other people have their forever love, but you keep failing over and over and over?

 

Actually, you are not failing at all. You are doing great! You are an explorer of life, men, and of yourself. There is nothing wrong with you, you are a woman capable of walking away from people and relationships that don’t work. You know that when something isn’t working out for you, you are not going to settle for it, acquiesce. The fact that you keep marching forward means that you are seeking people and situations that will help you evolve, discover yourself, heal yourself, teach you new lessons. Is that why you feel so guilty?

 

Ending relationships is not failure. Staying stuck in them is. Knowing how to disengage from situations that are harmful, or not in your best interest is one of the most important lessons a Goddess can learn in her life. It is not a disgrace, it is a power. How powerless people feel when their best efforts to topple you and bring you down to their level fail? Or, how powerless does a woman feel when she cannot afford to leave? Power, is mastery over the self. You know when you have learned your lesson, you know when you have discovered a past toxic pattern and released it, you know when someone can’t measure up to the work you have done on yourself, you know when someone is not your equal, and you move on quickly, easily and with no regret.

 

If you are feeling guilty about acting in your own self interest, please don’t. You should only feel guilty when your decisions are keeping you stuck, or hurting the self. Sure, people will try to make you feel guilty for having your freedom, self-possession, a strong head on your shoulders and the power to say No. There is no one more feared than a woman who feels no need to explain herself, apologize or feel guilty. Most people who can’t do that for themselves will tell you that there is something wrong with you. It’s not normal for a woman to be so free, so self-assured, so unapologetic. Experts will tell you that a real woman cries, pleads, begs, is a slave to her emotions, a real woman would do anything to keep her man. Nope. Not me. If that’s a real woman, I want no part of that.

 

I am free, I am proud of that. My freedom and my desire for self-mastery have always been my power. Even when I was a little kid, my dad commented “She doesn’t need me. If I left that child out in the street, she would do fine without me”. I was fine, no matter how many people I lost in my life. I was fine post-divorce, and I was finer after the next 20 men failed to please me:) I don’t look at endings as relationship failures, I see them as my winning streak! I am huge at scoring points for always choosing myself. Do you think that I should feel guilty for that? That will never happen.

 

Call me callous, call me cold, call me unfeeling, call me whatever you want, but I came to this planet to experience life and myself in all my glory. No one will stop me from choosing the best moments that life gifts me. Sure, I love men, I love love, and I am always experiencing life from the perspective of love. But love isn’t a binding contract with damning escape clauses, and penalties for failing to give disgruntled lovers compensation every time their ego gets bruised. If I am not a real woman because I can easily move on, make choices that serve me, and don’t chase people, nor crawl on my hands and knees begging to keep them, so be it. I’ll be a Goddess instead.

 

Ladies, don’t feel guilty, don’t feel shame, and never feel bad for choosing you. Every failed relationship is just a situation that didn’t serve you. You moved on, and as a result you found something better each and every time. The fact that you have not found a husband to rope into a contract means that you have not made your selection yet. None of the men I have met post divorce could make me happier than I already was. Even when I was down and out, and my mother insisted that I needed a husband to “rescue me”, I always knew that I can do better for myself.

 

I have dated some very powerful men in my life. The lesson I learned is that I was always much more powerful than they. I always knew that I could do better for myself than they could do for me. So I walked. So what! Is there something wrong with me for saying no thanks to a McMansion, a CEO, a shipping tycoon, a brilliant scientist or anyone society labels as a “real man”? In each and every situation, what I learned is that I am more powerful than all of them, and that none of them could be or do anything for me.  I don’t want what “powerful men” offer, I want Me.  I also learned that men offer things like money, houses, shiny rocks to buy themselves security, respect, admiration and validation from women. I won’t validate you. So, bye.

 

But, the most important lesson I learned from walking away from so many “powerful” men is that I am worth more than all of them.  How many women understand that? Should I feel like a failure for that?

 

Some psychologists call that crazy, reckless, boredom, a woman on a self-destructive mission. Any woman would kill for things like husband, home, and security but she keeps walking away. I assure you I have no intention of destroying this awesome life I have built for myself. I do have an intention to enjoy this. Some day, I will be with The One, and I will be crazy in love with him, in fact I have been crazy in love many times, and only That One could have my commitment. But why commit to a mere mortal who buys women? And why feel guilty because your friends have tied the knot, signed a contract, while you are still moving on, and moving on, and moving on? Be very proud of all your endings. If you have accumulated a huge pile of wounded knights and bleeding princes, it means that in each and every situation you chose You. That’s the only real woman that there is.

 

There is no such thing as a failed relationship. There is only failure to honor yourself, and failure to choose You.

 

No apologies, no regrets.

 

S

 

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