Create confusion. Keep him guessing. Make him wonder. Be hot and cold. Sure, play mind games with men, but then don’t complain when they pull one on you. Juvenile games lead to juvenile relationships. If you participate in texting games, mind games, and if you study techniques on how to get uninterested people to chase you, then you are a part of the problem. Let’s call that problem toxic dating.

Do you realize that as you are scheming how to get him addicted to you, you are the one becoming addicted? Do you see that when you mess with someone’s mind trying to get someone uninterested to fall head over heels for you, it is your mind that is left spinning in the end? Sorry, but we all deserve it. Intelligent people fall for emotional manipulation, but it is rarely the one you intend to manipulate, it is almost always you. I guess you can call that karma.

Games begin the very first time we try to participate in the game. What’s the harm in replying to that cryptic text? Maybe I should give him a chance to clarify? Maybe if I just send one mysterious text, he will know that he has met his match. We all get sucked into the craziness, then blame the other for playing games, and not being an adult.

I always thought that dating techniques were simple manipulation for emotionally stunted people who can’t state clearly ‘Yes, I like you’, ‘No, I am not interested in dating you’, ‘Yes, I would like to see you again’, ‘No, I don’t think we have enough chemistry’. We all crave honesty, clarity, and people who are healthy and respectful of our time. So, if we want that from others, shouldn’t the only technique we practice be honesty? Isn’t that clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’, ‘I like you very much’, ”I’m not into you’ the only the only thing we owe the other person?

Not everybody likes being as blunt as I am, I respect that. But everybody is capable of giving the other person clarity up front, and acting as honestly as possible. Ghosting, or timing texts so they pop up in Morse code is just plain juvenile. I text with men exactly the way I exchange messages with good friends. “I’m free, tell me when and where’. Needless to say, if I show up it means that I am interested, and that I want to be there. There’s no mind game involved. And if I am not into somebody, he gets one clear No, without any mixed signals added to that No. I would never meet a man for any reason if I am not interested in dating him. I would never “explore the possibility” of something if I am interested in nothing. I would never lead someone on and allow him to take me out, when I know he has no chance. Many women do that, but later they wonder why men lead them on. It takes two to tango. If you want honesty, be honest. If you don’t want people who want nothing serious to lead you on, you have the responsibility to not let men take you out if you don’t want them.  Don’t leave things ambiguous.

A man can’t play a game, unless you play with him. If you want people to stop playing games with you, stop participating. It is amazing how serious people with clear intentions start speaking in complete sentences when they are truly serious about you. When a person can’t state what their intentions are, it is because they don’t want anything serious, or they want to see if you will accept a half-assed offer.

Understand that both men and women who relate to others by playing games aren’t healthy. They don’t do so to win a quality relationship, they play the game because they are addicted to the game. Any person who will rope you into a relationship with silence is a manipulator. No exceptions. And if you start playing, you can’t claim to be an innocent victim.  Having crashed multiple times at the game, it dawned on me that I have never gotten a healthy man out of a mind game player. I also realized that every time I met a healthy, honest man, he approached me with clear intentions, honest communication, and follow through. His words always matched his actions. He was not offended by my blunt honesty, he appreciated it. Boring, I know. But, that’s how humans of sound mind communicate.

Your job is to clearly state what you want, then to wait for the other person to either confirm exactly that, or show you they are a douche with a cryptic, dubious reply. The very first time you receive a nonsensical text, or a response after ten days that said “my appendix burst, I couldn’t call you”, is the time you stop playing. Conversation over.

Imagine if you are the hiring manager and you received a resume, but your attempts to schedule an interview were a cat and mouse game, and the applicant was making you chase him. Would you give that person the job? A man is applying for your time. If he is wasting your time while texting, he is showing you that he IS a waste of time. You don’t need to outsmart him at his mind game, you just have to stop texting. Application denied. This applicant is not qualified. Next.

If you want to win at mind-games, you don’t need to buy the latest texting manual.You simply have to go cold turkey and stop communicating with the lunatics.

S