Do you accept half-assed relationships? Do you accept non-committal, let’s see what happens kind of situations that leave you hanging? Be honest, why do you accept offers of nothing? Why do you go along for the ride? To see what happens? To see if he changes, or offers more of a relationship later? No man has the power to put you in a relationship you don’t want to be in. It is up to you to say yes or no, and only you. If he is dragging, why are you allowing yourself to be dragged? If he is not saying anything, why are you still waiting for him to say something? By waiting, you are becoming passively committed to the wait. You are transferring power to him, so he can decide what he wants.
In reality, men have very little power, we hold most of it. But most women have been lead to believe that they have to patiently wait for his offer, to patiently go along with his flow, so that he can sample different relationships, never feel burdened by your needs, and to always let him decide. Girl, the decision is yours, not his. Only a Goddess knows that right from the start. If you are sick of being taken for a ride, it is totally your responsibility, and within your power to not go on any rides until you know exactly where that ride is going. Would you get into a taxi if you didn’t know where the driver is going?
Dating has become an opportunity for men to take many shiny objects for a ride, and women to patiently wait for him to decide what he wants. This is ridiculous! You already know what you want, so there’s no need to entertain men who don’t know exactly what they want. YOU. Yes, unless he is totally interested in dating you and only you, then he is wasting your time. If his offer is “no pressure, let’s see what happens”, or “let’s hang out”, then he is not expressing interest in only you. He is giving you an opportunity to be in his circle or on his roster. How good is that offer? It’s useless.
You know what kind of a man you want and what kind of a relationship you want already. Admit it, you have a pretty clear idea of what that would look like. A man must demonstrate that he is ready, willing and able to be in that kind of relationship, and only with you, before you begin to give him your company. Plenty of men are willing to do that when they are ready. So don’t give chances or hang out with fuck boys who are not ready, don’t know what they want, who are just hanging out, or have multiple women on their roster. You are not a sample, so don’t give him a sample of your company, nor anything at all until he has clearly committed himself to dating only you. It is very easy to say no thanks to half-assed offers of half-assed relationships. Yes, sometimes you have to say No Thank you to that dream man, who doesn’t see you as his dream woman. Just say no. At the very least, if you don’t get him, he will respect you for not accepting a pile of Nothing. Her are a few examples of half-assed offers, and how to disengage from them.
Do you want to hang out sometime? “I hang out with platonic friends, so if you want to be just friends, we can hang out.”
My job is stressful, I travel a lot, I just got out of a crazy relationship- means I am not ready for anything. You reply “Sounds like you are going through a very rough time. I’d rather date a man who can fully contribute to a healthy relationship right now.”
I don’t want anything serious right now. “It doesn’t sound like you are ready for anything serious. I date men who are ready for something serious”.
So, can I call you some time? “It depends on what you want. Do you know exactly what you want?” Sure, I’d like to get to know you, and see what happens. “I’ve dated a lot of “let’s see what happens’. Those men usually don’t amount to much”. But, can’t we still get to know each other? “We’ll start getting to know each other once you know exactly what you want with me”.
In all instances, a woman is being offered a half-assed opportunity to hang, to get to know, a hope of some future scenario he isn’t entirely sure of. Now do you see why saying yes to such nonsense gets you taken for a ride, and amounts to nothing? Your responsibility is to determine exactly what he wants, not in general, but what he wants from you. In general, he might want to get married some day. Don’t fall for it, he hasn’t said he would like to marry you. Your responsibility is to know what his current dating status is and if he has other women on his roster. You don’t want to be on anyone’s roster, so you are not going to negotiate anything with him at all. The mistake most women make is they start to negotiate with a man who has no specific interest in just her. You are opening that can of worms all by yourself.
Half-assed relationships go both ways. I know plenty of men who don’t know how they got themselves into relationships with women they didn’t want. It all started with ‘hanging’ and not knowing what he wants, and not being serious. A year later, it is the lack of his own clarity and his own unwillingness to ask uncomfortable questions that gets him onto a path that she has already laid out before him. That’s what we all get from giving time to people who don’t know what they want, and negotiating with people we haven’t determined are right for us.
People who don’t know what they want, people who are not looking for anything serious, people who just want to hang out, people who are sampling the goods, have absolutely no ability to be what someone who is looking for commitment needs them to be. I admit, I am often the one who is non-committal, and only interested in some fun. There’s nothing wrong with wanting fun and non-monogamy. But, I never take people for a ride. I don’t bread-crumb men, I always state 100% honestly where I stand so there’s no confusion later. Often, men want more time than I want to give them. In my attempt to be perfectly clear, I often state “Just so you know, I have no intention of sleeping with you”. I let him decide if he still wants to keep hanging after he has processed that info.
Being taken for a ride goes both ways. You can’t claim men take you for a ride, unless you are willing to get into the car with no clear destination with them. Accepting half-assed offers from men who are not focused on you but on everyone else, is a sign of a woman who is willing to accept much less than what she wants just for an opportunity to build something with someone, some day. Why would you accept an offer that is deferred to amount to something later?
Your job is not to give chances to men who are merely asking for your time, your job is to not negotiate anything with them at all. Even though I go through periods when I am non-committal, when I am interested in dating, I only date men who 1) I have identified as men I want 2) they have clearly stated that they are interested in dating only me and 3) their idea of a proposed relationship matches what I want. Yes, I have drastically reduced my dating pool of time wasters, dawdlers, I don’t know what I wanters, wishy washies, and pesky fleas. They are never worth anyone’s consideration at all. Quit talking to them.
But, accepting a half-assed relationship is your own doing. No man can put you in a relationship or a situation you don’t want to be in. You entertained a feeble offer based on hope, a fantasy, a possible future outcome, an offer that was not based on facts, clear intent, proven character, or truth. When we enter situations with people who just want to wait and see what happens, we usually enter the state of waiting. That is the wrong situation to be in.