“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”– Eckhart Tolle
I have been looking for clues to the root cause of a couple of issues I still have to work on, and I could not figure out exactly what they are. I knew something doesn’t feel right within me, but no amount of meditating was exposing it. I know I have a few big internal blocks, and I falsely believed that they must be so deep that I just can’t reach that part of myself.
Then I came across the above quote by Eckhart Tolle (who I am proud to say has liked a few of my Goddess Instagram posts before). That quote hit me like a ton of bricks, because it resonated so well. My blockages have not been buried so deep inside me that only a psychiatrist could chisel them out. They have been right in front of my eyes, literally, all along.
A while ago, a friend who was struggling emotionally was telling me about the multiple health conditions she has. As soon as she heals one with prescriptions or medical treatment, she is diagnosed with another autoimmune disease. By now, she has 3 diagnosed autoimmune diseases, going on four. I do to. What is autoimmune disease? The oversimplified definition is when the body attacks itself. Why would our own body, attack itself? It would not- a healthy body would not do that. A body’s purpose is to protect the self, to keep it healthy. But sometimes the body physically reacts to communicate with you that you are doing something wrong. What?
Though I wasn’t smart enough to see it within me, I was astute enough to ask my friend immediately, How have you been attacking yourself? It took her 3 seconds to give me an accurate, self-knowing reply. I fight with myself in my own head. I have repeating thoughts that I cannot shut off. I battle with myself to shut them off, but my mind is on auto-repeat, and yes, even though mentally and emotionally I seem to be fighting others, I am doing harm to myself. She knew herself.
I too have had very obvious battles in my head that I ascribed to my monkey-mind. I wrote about this before. Years of toxic relationships with toxic people are replaying in my head like a broken record. My brain never shuts up, unless I still it intentionally through meditation. But when I allow it to do what it wants, I am still fighting in my head with every “bad guy” I ever met. And yes, there are my favorite “bad-guys” who fit a certain stereotypical profile I won’t discuss here.
We all have a boogeyman, a “bad guy”, somebody who hurt us, destroyed us, sucked the life out of us. Many of us continue the battle long after the relationship is over, and the person is permanently out of our lives. Many of us are completely aware of who we are battling with, but many of us are simply triggered by certain kinds of people, and we wonder why we have such an automatic and negative response to a seemingly benign person.
What is the harm of having a mental boogeyman, or having continued mental battles within yourself? You see, that anger and rage we feel inside us every time we bring up that injustice or person. Is a bad, negative energy. We might think we are expressing our anger and rage at them, but instead, we are feeling that emotion within us. That person may or may not choose to accept our anger and digest it. If they are healthy, they will realize the anger is yours and they will choose not to engage with you. But, you are the owner of those bad emotions. You produce them on command any time someone triggers you. Those bad energies reside within your own body. You nurture them, you coddle them, and you spew them out without any thought of how you are hurting yourself. You might think your anger is directed at other people, but they are within you, and they are hurting you. Don’t be surprised if years after you have not dealt with them, you start to develop physical conditions that reflect how you feel about yourself. Your body is a reflection of who you are. If it is misbehaving, or not working correctly, it is physically reacting to your rage, anger, resentment, whatever you have that is not resolved.
This morning when I read that quote by Eckhart Tolle I realized exactly what I still resent in other people, and yes, I can admit that I still hold that resentment within myself. And as someone who is highly intuitive, I can feel exactly where in my body I carry that resentment. It is of no surprise that I feel the most discomfort, pain, and bad energy exactly where the X-rays show I need the most healing.
So, everyone has their own resentments, anger, pains, and we all carry it and project it onto others. It is normal for us to not want to see that, nor admit it, but if you genuinely want to know, look for answers in your own head. If you’re not that introspective, then ask people. Ask different kinds of people who are likely to tell you the truth, not sugar-coat it. Friend, you know me so well. Tell me honestly, what do you see within me? What is my problem, what issues do you think I have, do you see anger within me? And if that doesn’t work, find a good therapist. There is a very good reason that you are emotionally reactive. It is a clue about what you have to resolve within yourself.
If you don’t, you will continue to repeat relationship problems or life situations over and over again, and you will falsely believe that misfortune is happening to you, and you will fail to realize that you are creating it within yourself. So, who are you triggered by? Who do you hate, rage, attack within your own mind? You might be a nice and polite person, and never offend people verbally. Pay attention to who you are fighting with on the inside. Again, there is no shame in doing so, but by resolving that, you are healing yourself, and moving on.