WIN WITHOUT TRYING. Of course, you have to know your craft. Of course you have to have expertise in your line of work. If you are an athlete, of course you have to train. But, often when we are after something important, a job promotion, a medal, a license exam, even a man, we tend to work ourselves into a mental tizzy, and we compete for what we want instead of being our best selves. Winning without trying, winning while maintaining our dignity, means winning on our own merit, not because we are competing against others.
Winning without trying is an ancient Taoist concept. It is being calm, and level headed enough to not measure yourself against others, not see your object of desire as something to compete for, but simply being confident that you are enough. You are enough for that job promotion, you are enough for that medal, you are enough for that man- so enough that your enoughness does not warrant stooping low, playing games, trying to outdo other women, you are so enough that you know that even if you don’t get what you want you are more than enough anyway. You are so enough that you are probably better qualified for a higher position, a tougher race, a much more conscious man. When a woman who is enough doesn’t get what she wants, it is because she is worth more.
This is all a matter of your own mental state in the moment. When you feel that anxiety that your goal is out of reach, that your winning or losing is dependent on the correct words, that your credentials are a matter of perfection, that your man has better options than you, then of course you will feel the urge to compete against others, perhaps even manipulate the situation to give yourself a greater chance. In that moment, your mind is aware of your disadvantage, of all obstacles, and is in a state of not enoughness. You are aware of your own inequality.
If you were an employer who is interviewing candidates, who would seem most fit for the job? The one who is calm, confident, whose talent and intelligence speak for themselves, or the candidate who is nervous, anxious, in desperate need of the position?
If you are a woman who is filtering offers from multiple men, who would seem most fit for your company? That male who is making your phone ring 12 times a day, that desperado who is parking his sports car in front of your house, and repeating it’s make and model every time he has one minute of your time? Or, is it that man who asks you out only once, did not have to state anything to impress you, and seems cool if your answer is no?
People who are anxiously competing, relentlessly striving, standing on their heads to win are usually the ones who appear to have the lowest chances. They may be perfectly qualified, but they are projecting to their world their own awareness that they have a lot to lose if they don’t win, and their desperation.
So the Taoist concept of winning without trying states that you must be a master of your craft to be good at it, and yes you have to be qualified. Of course you have to work toward those qualifications. But, when we get into that mental state of urgency, desperation, competition, we start to sweat, question ourselves, doubt our abilities, and lose our alignment. We fall out of balance, we act out of fear of losing, we are more likely to do things that are undignified. This is how we lose our flow. But, when we play for fun, for the love of the sport, or for the love of our profession, we are unburdened by the possible consequences of not winning. In that free flow state, we are most likely to win with ease.
Being a winner is not about competing for anything at all. Being a winner is your awareness of being enough to qualify for whatever you want. It is confidence, it is dignity, it is self-awareness, it is love for yourself and for what you already have,
When you already ARE, there is no sense of urgency TO BE.
Picture this scene. A new designer handbag is being launched on the market, all the fashion magazines are talking about the latest IT bag, and all the fashionistas are drooling over it and coveting this prize. There are dozens of girls on the street below your office window, wearing flip-flops, waiting outside the store for hours, credit-cards ready in their hands. It may take them months to pay for this bag, but they all NEED it in order to win the game of who is the top fashion slave of the season. And then there is you, calmly observing this scene from your office window. There is no need to wait outside some store for hours, you have no intention of bursting through its doors and fighting hordes of girls for just a bag.
Instead, you stay cool, pick up your phone and dial the store. “Please send me that Birkin and have it delivered to my office this afternoon”.
Who is the real winner? Who already is in that winning mentality? Winning is not about competing against others, even when you are running a race. How fast others are running makes no difference. All that matters is how fast you can run, and that is a matter of your own training and athleticism. Trying means measuring your speed against others’. Winning means being the best runner.
So, the next time you think that you have to be the prettiest, sexiest, smartest, most engaging woman out there to win the attention of a male, please stop trying to be the winner. He is observing how many women are trying just for him, and they are playing a game of who can stroke his ego the best.
Being a Goddess means being aware of the self, your goodness, your elevation, your achievements, your radiance, your energy. your being. You receive everything with ease, when you maintain your flow, your lightheartedness, when you take your attention away from the race, when you remove all pressure from yourself.
There is no trying, when you already ARE.