POWER. What is it? How do you know if you have power, or if you are truly a powerful woman. Power is a loaded word. It offends some people, especially when the word is used to refer to women. How dare she? Who does she think she is? When a woman is truly powerful, she is 100% satisfied with who she is, what she has got, and nobody can make her feel insecure. No one can convince me that there is something wrong with me, no one can make me feel bad about myself, no one can convince me that I need to come down to earth, in fact I am quite comfortable way up here.
The most powerful women need nothing. The operative word here is need. A woman in need has no power at all. If she is seeking fulfillment for whatever is missing in her life from external sources, she is an easy target, and her handicap can easily be used to keep her small, a “real woman”. Who decided that a real woman must be soft, small, manageable, compliant,accessible, adoring, and to never compete with men? Is that who you aspire to be? Some women do. Some even urge their daughters to be that way in the 21st century.
Who decided that a woman who can remain unaffected by anything thrown at her is a “scary woman”, “not a real woman”? Why is a truly powerful woman, that inaccessible one who refuses to bend over, who refuses to submit, why is she the bad girl?
I have no problem with whatever anyone chooses to call me. I am cool with who I am. I am cool with losing people, friends, men too. I want my table clean, so if you’re going to eat at my table, then talk about me when you walk away, you have no business sitting here.
I am not afraid to stand alone. In fact, a long time ago, I realized that I am much more powerful alone than with someone. I looked at all my prior relationships and realized that when I was coupled, even in my best relationships, I had far less power. Either I was in a relationship with a male determined to keep me in check, always gently and lovingly reminding me that I don’t need to be so powerful. Or I was with males trying to usurp my power- how dare she, let me get a grip and control of whatever she’s got. Or I was in relationships where I needed to be soft and gentle and get off my pedestal, None of those situations felt good to me, I was in them because I thought that love and relationships were more important than being who I truly am.
I think I was powerful when I was 5. Even then my dad would jokingly tell me that I cannot be the boss. At 14, I learned to argue him into a corner, and he told me that with that attitude and such low respect for my superiors no one will ever want me. What made him believe he was superior? If he couldn’t win a logical argument against a 14 year old, then was he truly superior? All my life, I was told to soften. Girlfriends urged me to get into my feminine energies, but when I tried I didn’t feel like my self. The fact is, I am not hungry for power, and I never take anything from anyone. I just want to be who I truly am, and if that is not feminine, than I am okay with that.
But, I also realized that whenever I was single and comfortable with it, I was in my best form. When I am single, I am usually thriving. No man is competing with me, though many try, I just dismiss them. I have had some nasty girlfriends in the past, they don’t stay in my life for long. When I am single, I am focused on myself, on living my best life, on cultivating genuine relationships with people I can actually respect. I am much more powerful when single, and I always see my life growing in a positive direction. What is wrong with that?
Recently, 2 guy friends accused me of being frigid. I giggled. I am not frigid, I just know how to seal off my energy around certain people. But maybe that is how people perceive me, and that too is okay. My energy is not for everyone. I share it openly with people I love, in fact I shower them with it. But when you cannot access it, it is decidedly not for you.
I’m not sure if any other women feel this way. Does anyone else feel more powerful when they are single? I feel like in a relationship I must share my power. Any time I am part of a two person team, I feel like I’m operating at 50%. I’m sharing the throne. Why do I have to do that?
A while ago I watched a documentary about Queen Elizabeth I, the one who never married. Many men tried to marry her, but she refused everyone. She remained in power because she refused to marry. Of course, there were many rumors about her. They called her the virgin queen, but she had plenty of lovers, even found herself pregnant once. She chose not to marry, nor to have children. Imagine what would have happened if she married. She would have had to share her throne.
Her counterpart, Mary Queen of Scots, was forced to re-marry as soon as her husband died. But the guy she married made an immediate play for her throne. He immediately started to have affairs, tried to derail her reign, and install himself on her throne. So, which woman was smarter? The one who understood the source of her power, and knew how to protect it.
I know that most women are still eager to share their throne. Though the idea is becoming less popular today, it is still important to some ladies. But, I think I was sitting on that throne when I was 5. Why would I share it?
I do wonder what a relationship would look like with me maintaining my own throne. Is that possible? I never wanted to re-marry, because I love living alone. But I wonder what a relationship would look like with a person who has his own throne, and needs no part of mine. I am at the point in my life where I am completely satisfied, and am not looking to share, compromise, nor soften myself. Sorry, but that’s not who I am. I love that I reign supreme in my own life.
When I meet men, all I see is what I don’t need. I’d love to meet someone I can actually admire as a human being, but I wouldn’t necessarily need to contractualize my relationship with him. I’m curious what my counterpart would look like, but we could just as easily remain platonic friends. But when all other males are concerned, all I see is “not enough”. Males who I would have to settle for, males who are in need and projecting their needs onto me, or males who would feed their egos being in a relationship with me. No thanks to that.
I was married once, and I shared my power. Back then I thought that true love was me pouring all my energies into a man. And of course, I gave my energy away freely, and my ex truly grew into a powerful man. He was satisfied as long as I remained smaller, softer, and in the background. But when I took back my power, started pouring into myself, and made more money than him, that marriage was over. And he told me that I did nothing for him, and that I should go flip burgers for a living. I walked way, and he never was powerful again. Shortly after, he started losing jobs, employers realized he was a phony, and no one was buying his “powerful act” any more.
Post divorce, I still made mistakes. I still gave my energy away, and men saw an opportunity to empower themselves through me. Some dated me so they could show off their manhood to their friends, others saw what I could give them. Each was just taking, and not one had the energy needed to empower himself. Males will take whatever you are willing to give them, or whatever you refuse to protect. No wonder they try to feed on as many women as they can. Our stupidity is in sharing our energy with them.
I will explain this energy in another post. I eluded to it many times, but never truly explained. A woman’s energy is a million times more powerful than the energy a male can generate. This is why historically, men have tried to control, suppress and contractualize relationships with women. Men feed on female energy, and the males who have no access to women have no perceived social standing at all. Notice how men who want to project power, immediately surround themselves with as many women as possible? The stupidity of women is in allowing it.
Women who are truly powerful, understand that they are the source, and that their energy must be protected. They are not running after anyone, eager to pour into half-witted men. Instead, they seal off their energy, and use it to expand themselves.
Talking to some of my girlfriends, I see that many are approaching this point in their lives. Once they have shifted their focus toward expanding themselves, they satisfied whatever urges they had to run after people. The ones who are in romantic relationships don’t want to live with anyone, they are maintaining their own lives separate from the relationship. And the ones who are single, are happily single. A few are still running after males, but I see those numbers dwindling.
But speaking of power, I am curious if you feel powerful and if you feel more so when you are single? Are you still searching for someone to give your power to, or share your power with? Do you yearn to have someone sitting on your throne?