Let me rephrase that a few times. Are you paying for an opportunity to eventually get into a healthy relationship with your body? Are you paying for a chance that the person you are sleeping with will offer you a relationship or that he will eventually turn out to be a solid candidate for a relationship? Are you using your body to connect to males who are dead inside, only to find out later that that no one was home all along? What exactly are you having sex for? For pleasure? Most men are not pleasure. For an opportunity to be considered? For a chance with someone?
Toxic masculinity has fooled women into paying for a a chance to be in a relationship with sex. Biologically, it is the males who have a greater need for sex, and are even driven to compete for it. Historically, men have always paid for sex, women have not because we rarely needed it. Sure, some women need more sex than others, but access has always been and still is free for us. It is the women whose inboxes are full, and it is the males who keep filling them.
So, why do women believe that they must have sex by the third date or within a certain period of time? Why do women believe that sex will lead to something greater, like an emotional connection or marriage? Why do women pay to play the romance and relationship scam, when it is the men who need sex? We have been fooled, and no one is talking about this.
The reason we believed in sex on the third date is because men have created that rule to reflect the amount of time and money they are willing to invest in order to get it. This is not the amount of time it takes a woman to feel comfortable, nor the amount of time it takes for a woman to genuinely get to know a man. The time is not even enough to create a meaningful connection. It is a dating rule created by men for the benefit of men. But, does this rule benefit women at all? No. When sex happens, this is exactly the point at which women lose their footing in the connection. They give up exactly that which men are after, and now have to wait and see if he will return for more, continue relating, or disappear completely. Sex is that turning point where women lose all power in a situation. Each woman has far more power when she is NOT having sex with a man.When she is not giving anything away for free, that is the time when a woman has the power to negotiate. Not after she has given up the goods.
It is true that women are dropping out of the dating market faster than ever. It is true that we are far more likely to file for divorce. It is also true that a growing number of women are more satisfied being single than they are in relationships. So why would be pay to access men with sex?
When I listen to women chat in our private group, most are rarely satisfied with their partner’s performance. Most just put up with it because they hope to one day connect better, or eventually build a better relationship. The single ones believe that this is the path to commitment or marriage. But is it? Often it is after that first physical encounter that the male disappears, or loses interest. Often, it is after he has received unlimited access to sex via a cohabitation arrangement that the male no longer feels a need to make the relationship legal. We have all heard the adage “Why buy the cow when you can get milk for free”? Are women giving away sex for the illusion or false promise of an eventual contract?
If men are sex driven while women are relationship driven, doesn’t that mean that we have two drastically different goals? And if our goals don’t match, do we have a deal or no deal? Obviously, no one would make such a deal unless they are desperate. When two people have drastically different agendas, we cannot have a relationship. The mistake women are making is that they accept he may have a different goal for now, for the chance that eventually he will want a relationship later. And they pay for that minuscule chance with sex. Ladies, please stop buying opportunities with your mind, body and spirit. The chance is not worth what you are getting in return.
But back to the issue of paying for relationships with sex. If you are already in a relationship, are you maintaining it with sex? Why? If what we want is understanding, depth, a meeting of the minds, than why aren’t we establishing relationships with that? Why aren’t we evaluating male candidates based on their ability to emote and empathize, their commitment history, their ability to provide for their existing and future children? Because we are afraid he will drop out? It is true, many would, but of what value are males who are just in it for the sex? None at all. We have plenty of experience and direct evidence, that males who are solely seeking sex are doing nothing for womankind at all. Yet, we are still trading sex for relationships?
It is no secret that women desire healthy relationships. But why can’t we have them? Do men refuse to relate? Do they disengage from women who aren’t providing sex? Do they pretend to relate until they get some? The answer is all of the above, and a lot of women are catching on. Why would a healthy woman continue to offer up her body to males looking to score? We have absolutely nothing to gain from that other than an infection.
Women have been bamboozled into giving it up first, and waiting to see what happens later. But, later never comes and relationships rarely develop beyond the physical when we approach them with sex. How is that deal working out for you?
In most industries you pay first and receive the product later. You buy a dress, you pay first and take it home later. You order your groceries online first and get them delivered later. You pay for a house first, and you move into it later. Considering that men are the ones who need sex, shouldn’t they be committing first and accessing sex later? In fact, this is exactly how things used to be in the old days, when fathers controlled access to their daughters. You couldn’t court a woman unless the father approved of you, and you would not be allowed to access sex until you married her. Fathers are men, and men know exactly what other men are after. They knew that men who can access sex first, have no reason to marry later. Isn’t the same true today?
Yet many women believe that their performance in the bedroom will lead to a healthy relationship. Do you remember when doctors and psychologists used to tell us to keep men satisfied physically? Did that lead to any satisfaction for us? Nope, in fact this is what is driving women to file for divorce today. Women are exhausted. We are tired of giving, working, taking care of everybody, and paying for the privilege of doing so. Nobody needs to be in a relationship that badly.
Today, men are no longer paying for anything. They aren’t committing, they aren’t marrying, they aren’t even paying child support, instead they aim to cohabitate so they can access unlimited sex, free household labor, and get a woman to pay for at least 50%. But what drove women to agree to this arrangement? Desperation. There was this belief that we expire like sour milk if we don’t have a baby. There was this other belief, that we must have a man in order to be happy. Is that still true? There were other false beliefs, that if we don’t find a man we will be alone forever. Are we still afraid of that? Most single by choice women are looking forward to having their own space and time to themselves.
Fearmongering by media, church and politicians has been the global norm in every culture since the dawn of mankind. I’m surprised by how many women bought into that, and how long it took to wake up. Many women still can’t admit that they have been fooled. Fortunately, many are waking up to no longer compete for men, to no longer strive for a marriage contract, to no longer need a baby, so why exactly do we need a date? Men have even convinced us to pay for our own time to be on a date.
My professional background is in finance and economics, so I see everything in terms of supply and demand. I see that the supply of women willing to date, reproduce, or even engage with men is in decline. But men want to control the market anyway. Despite the fact that cheap and easy access to sex is dwindling, they are not willing to do anything of benefit to women to get it. Do you know what happens next? On rare occasions in history, both supply and demand have decreased at the same time. What happened then? That particular market collapsed. If no one is benefiting from a product or service, there is no longer a need for that product or service. Today, the marriage market is in collapse. Men are not willing to do the work to enter it, and women are not willing to pay for it with sex, free labor, free child rearing. That’s the end of marriage.
I am unfazed. I didn’t believe in the marriage institution anyway. I didn’t benefit from marriage, but I did benefit from freeing myself. I did benefit from pouring less of my energy into a man, and more into myself. In fact, I built a life that many find enviable. Today, I would not trade my lifestyle to be in a relationship. I still have relationships, but only for pleasure and only when I feel the need.
What is turning so many women off from men in general is lack of meaningful engagement, lack of connection, lack of human empathy, lack of feelings and genuine emotions, lack of personal character. We are waking up to the fact that men cannot provide, so why risk our bodies and health to access them? We are waking up to the fact that we cannot build deep relationships with a physical act. Many males who are available, don’t have that ability to bond or emote at all. Why pay for it with sex? Why allow them to access us? We lose every time.
As for sex, is it better with men or without men? Many women are now admitting that sex with their husband or partner is not enjoyable at all. A growing number of women are admitting to rarely having an orgasm, so sex is not worth chasing. But single women have a choice. They can have sex, or not. They can do it with a partner, or without a partner. Which way is more likely to produce an orgasm? Which type of orgasm is likely to last longer? The one without the man.
Tables are turning. The market for sex is shifting. Women’s access to a job and a paycheck has eliminated the need for many things we could only get from men. We don’t even need babies as much as we used to. And the reversal of Roe vs. Wade has driven a huge wedge into gender relations. It has sharply reduced our desire for sex. Today, sex comes at a huge risk, and it just isn’t worth pursuing. Women no longer have a reason to give it up indiscriminately, and men have created this situation for us. Basically, manhood shot itself in the balls when it put the last nail in the coffin of women’s reproductive rights.
We are at that point in society where tables are turning. As women gain more college degrees, we are gaining more economic power which will eventually lead to more political power. Women are starting to control the market for sex by dropping out of dating, or filing for divorce. Women who are divorced have little to no interest in pursuing marriage ever again. Traditional relationships and marriage agreements promised a lot but never delivered. And casual relationships lead us to take chances, and seek opportunities that never materialize. Is that a reason to have sex?
We are in a resting phase. Nothing has changed yet. But once women learn to satisfy their own needs, rest assured that the needs we identify that men can fulfill will require greater consciousness, strong personal character, a demonstrated ability to be of service, and that will be impossible for an ego-driven male to achieve. Women’s needs are largely interpersonal, emotional, spiritual, and focused on care for the self on all levels. We have learned a lot from our losses, I for one have benefited greatly from divorce, being single and finding my own personal power. Those of us who have gained will not renegotiate.
I believe that the need for traditional relationships will dwindle. Women feel no need to be controlled, owned, managed, or dominated by anybody. Transactional relationships will be for brothels only. Real women don’t seek to transact, we seek to relate. Now look at the pool of single men we have all dated. Are they capable of that? In the twelve years I have been single I have met only one man who could relate on that level, and we stayed platonic friends.
Women will be more sovereign, but I think that will benefit both genders. Sovereignty will liberate women to live on their own terms, but it will also free men from having to provide anything at all. What exactly will we need from each other? I’m’ not sure, but we will engage on a higher level. No longer will we trade sex for a game of chance, or a meager opportunity to eventually secure a relationship. Women will redefine sex, and I predict that five to ten years from now, sex will look more like a woman.