This one is bound to be a sensitive topic, as I am sure many women have been at the opposite end of this situation, in a position where they feel like they are being left behind by their girlfriends. It is rough to lose friends. For many this is demoralizing and it triggers feelings of abandonment. A lot of women keep going through repeating cycles where they feel like no one supports them, no one wants a long-lasting connection with them, and that their girlfriends just don’t care. I am speaking as someone who frequently walks away from people who don’t reciprocate equally, nor offer the level of friendship that I bring to the table. This is my way of letting go, ending old cycles, respecting my own boundaries, and moving towards friendships that are more positive, equal, and satisfying.
Over the last twelve years, I have made many wonderful connections. I am lucky because I make friends easily, and I attract people like a magnet. That comes with a ton of responsibility toward myself. As much as I attract genuine people with depth and kindness, I also attract shallow ones who pose one way, but bring something entirely different to my table. I can’t afford to connect with people who are toxic, empty, thirsty, shallow, competitive, or grown women who never reached a level of maturity it takes to be of value in a lasting friendship. Shallow connections cost me my time, attention, and my energy, and they leave me feeling wasted, drained, and disrespected. In this time span, I have learned what kinds of women I want in my life, and I filter the ones who I find lacking in qualities I find necessary for a genuine friendship.
One of my biggest peeves about female friendships are women whose entire lives are centered around men, relationships, crazy situationships, Tinder, and their never ending thirst for low quality males who mistreat, reject, ghost and emotionally abandon them. I used to feel sorry for you, I used to think that I can help you, I used to even be like you until I realized that I respect myself and need to change the way I date and find a way to heal myself. It may seem cruel to say this, but I have been through this process so I sympathize. However, as much as I tried to help you heal, you refuse to do the painful work on yourselves, you ignore advice, you refuse therapy, and you continue to make your childish dating dramas a part of my life.
There is nothing more unattractive than women whose entire existence revolves around chasing men. Every conversation, every night out, every interaction involves exhausting scenarios of who she is talking to now, what he said to her, who ghosted her, how many males she is seeing this week, and all the emotional disappointments that come with texting with 50 different candidates a month. It is absolutely exhausting to have to listen to women who only have one subject to talk about, men. And then, there are women who disappear the moment they get into a relationship. She takes this male so seriously, that she practically disappears to concentrate on her connection to him. She prioritizes some goon who offered her a getaway, and she acts like she’s already in a serious relationship, when he just needs someone to screw for the weekend. When he stops answering her texts, she’s back acting like my best friend needing some advice, for the 101st time.
A while ago, a girlfriend asked me out for drinks. She said she missed me, that she would like a night out with a good old friend, and asked me to meet her at a popular restaurant. When I arrived, she was busy looking for some guy she hooked up with the month before. Apparently, he was supposed to be working at the bar. How do you know? She said he posted where he would be on his Instagram. I thought it odd that she came here looking for some guy she stalked from social media. I thought she wanted to meet with me. Well, she couldn’t find him, so she suggested we try another bar that was less crowded. But when we got there, she looked disappointed because there were no people at that bar. What did it matter? We are here to talk to each other, right? She reluctantly ordered a drink, then kept texting another guy, asking if he wants to meet us. The entire time, she kept getting up to go to the bathroom, then on her way back she would try to make eye contact with complete strangers sitting around the bar. As I was trying to speak, I caught her looking over my shoulder, straightening her back and pushing her tits out, sending some guy a come hither look. Was she even listening to me? Finally, the second guy she was texting showed up, so I had someone to chat with while she was still trying to make eyes with new strangers coming into the bar. By the end of the night, we had been to three restaurants, ordered no food because she was busy trolling. We made no conversation because she was not interested in me at all. It was obvious she was looking for a sister to troll with. I don’t do that. When I go out with a girl friend, I give my undivided attention to her, not to strangers walking past the bar. I realized that night that this friendship is empty. There is no one to connect to here, and that if I want genuine friendships I need stronger boundaries.
Have you met girls (they’re not mature enough to be women) who go through endless cycles with the same toxic males? They treat me like their therapist, wasting my attention span on questions they have already asked me a thousand times. What should I say to Tom? How should I reply to Rick? Can you believe what Mike is doing to me? Help me! The worst thing I ever tried to do is to help them. I genuinely cared, and thought that with a bit of good advice, and a dose of self-respect, a thirsty girl can raise her standards and move away from repeating cycles that never work out in her favor. Boy was I wrong! These girls never take advice given to them. In fact, they will drain me with their questions, dump all their negative emotions on me, tell me that I just don’t understand because their situation is unique, and then go ahead and do the opposite of the advice I gave them. That demonstrates a lack of respect for my time and my friendship. Do you realize you wasted an hour of my time? I have never received an apology for the months and years invested in such draining friends.
I have learned the hard way that some women have no intention of getting better, because they think that there is something wrong with people who just won’t give them time. Men ghost them, therefore the man is bad. A girlfriend no longer picks up the phone, therefore the friendship was bad. They extract every ounce of a friend’s energy, and they keep coming back expecting me to listen to the latest dating drama, as if this one is different from the last. Nothing ever changes for man crazy women. When they should be getting professional help, they spend that money on a new hairstyle- maybe that will make her more attractive for the next guy.
I once wasted four years of my life on a friend who used me for free therapy when she should have been seeing a qualified psychologist. During that time, she was in two separate relationships with men who I found out later, were not in any relationship with her. How is this possible? She was in a state of limerence, a psychological state where a person is fantasizing, obsessing, and agonizing over a situation that isn’t reciprocated, nor real. Both men were taken, neither was making any moves toward her, but she spun their professional level friendship into an obsession she eventually lived through as if it was real. I spent hours a day counseling her through what I thought was a difficult romance. I had no idea that neither man had any interest in her whatsoever, that they were just coworkers who treated her as a “friend”. My level of involvement in her personal saga was not only a drain, but the fact that I thought this was a friendship was a delusion on my part. During this time, did she help me work through any of my personal challenges? They weren’t even a topic of conversation.
I am a very empathic person. I care, especially about women. In fact, I give most of my free time to female friends who bring a genuine friendship to my table. I have absolutely no problem spending time, offering advice, encouraging and supporting women who are experiencing a crisis, going through a difficulty, looking for advice. But, there is a big difference between women who learn, grow, evolve and move on, and girls who never seem to grow up.
The first group takes full responsibility for their healing process. It is very painful to have to look within, face our own demons, address our own inadequacies, and commit to doing the difficult work on the Self. It is no easy task. Some women do the work on themselves, others get professional help. Each of us is on a journey, and we all learn via our own process. But for man-crazy women, there is no journey. They avoid therapy because a professional will hold them accountable. In fact, they drop therapy every time they have to confront an unpleasant aspect of themselves. And this is why they pick up the phone and start talking about some greasy Tinder rat, without even asking for my time. They don’t care. They don’t care about me their friend, they don’t care whether I am getting reciprocity in this friendship, they don’t want to get better, they only want someone to drain. And when you don’t give them your time, they accuse of you of not being a friend.
Unfortunately, some women are obsessed. They are never in a relationship, more often they are just in a new obsession. They don’t relate to men or friends, they extract from them. They are addicted to whatever toxic feelings they absorb from cheap interactions like rejection, abandonment, lack and they chase that temporary high from getting a like on their profile, or hooking up with some ass who doesn’t even know her name. These women are addicts. They start foaming at the month every time they get a whiff of new cologne walking past them.
But to me, these friendships are empty. Some of these women are nice, very nice. But nice is not a measure of character, nice is not a qualification for a quality friendship, nice only lasts as long as you need free therapy from me and my time. Like most humans, I am looking for genuine connections with people who are invested in their own growth. There is nothing more attractive than when I hear about what a friend has done to upgrade her lifestyle, her story of how she has found power, and any advice she can give me so that I rise up too. I am disappointed to say that I have never found such a friend. This is why I have to keep moving, because I know that more evolved women are out there, and to find relationships with women who truly are powerful, I have to drop the dead-weight. I cannot afford to pour into people whose cup is leaking when they refuse to mend its cracks.
I realize that I am the one who has to change. Once again, it is up to me to take full responsibility for my friendships. If I am giving time to draining situations then I am the one who has to stop. If my time isn’t valuable to me, no one will respect it. I did a ton of work to cut off toxic interactions with males, and I benefited greatly for raising my standards so high, that only the men I have vetted can actually reach me. I have to do the same for my personal friendships. As nice as most women are, not all are healthy enough to be my friend. If I occasionally dip my toe in their toxic pool, then I am the one who will not heal. I am still committed to my growth. It is only I who has this life to live, and I do have an idea of how I want to enjoy it. I am now committing myself to actively seeking out women I can learn from. I love the powerful, the successful, the focused, the responsible, free thinking women who are absolutely sovereign. I have a few women in mind, but before I can move forward, I have to scrape off a few barnacles that are feeding off me.
Good bye.
S
