Older Men, Past Expiration

Rarely will you see this point of view expressed in mainstream media. In fact, the coverage of every reputable news outlet, or women’s magazine, screams the opposite. They are usually about the plight of educated career women whose biological expiration dates are looming, who have not found a suitable male to reproduce with.

Reading these, some women are under the unfortunate impression that they do have an expiration date, just like a carton of sour milk. Urged by “experts” to hurry up and reproduce before it is too late, they resort to tremendous compromise in their personal taste and standards, in order to settle down, and achieve this.

Fed on a diet of tragic stories of what happens to women who do not beat the biological clock, they starve themselves of their character, questioning and loathing the intelligent decisions they made in their lives. Rather than enjoy the process of dating and meeting people, they settle on the first willing participant who is ready to marry.

What no one points out is that there really is no such thing as a biological clock, it is a made up concept some choose to believe. The fact is, women are having babies at a much later time in their lives, and modern healthcare is making it safer, and creating a new norm. Some of us are choosing parenthood without a spouse, without financial support, on our own terms, and doing a very good job.

Meanwhile, there is a growing breed of women out there who don’t heed those warnings. They build their careers, invest in themselves, travel the world, buy real-estate, experience life, and still continue to enjoy relationships as they come along. They have learned that in the process of self discovery, and personal growth, lies a life of fulfillment, passion, confidence and completeness. More importantly, they discovered that it is exactly that, which increases their choices when it comes to selecting a mate.

And what kinds of mates are fulfilled women choosing? Well, once a person’s life is complete with career, assets, education, adventure, and purpose, she no longer has to chose a mate with those same characteristics. Women who lack, will chose a male who has those qualities they does not possess.

Decades ago, we were taught to choose a male who is educated, ambitious, successful, and most of all, mature, and highly intelligent. A woman needed a stable male who is a good provider, so she could focus on bearing children and raising a happy family. But, in recent times, women have outnumbered men with college degrees, and have become a majority in the workplace. True, we still don’t earn as much, but that does not matter to us.

Today, women are much more likely to have an MBA or a PhD, and while it is still preferable to partner with someone with a matching intellect, we can now afford to make selections for our own personal pleasure as well. The point I am making is one you will never see expressed in mainstream media, but my observations are showing that these women are absolutely thriving.

And while, the older generation quickly ridicules women who date younger men, refers to them as cougars, and pathetic, I have never met a woman who does not enjoy the company of younger men.

I was recently in a bar, sitting next to a 60 yr old guy, who was trying to convince his glassy-eyed, 30 yr old date, what a “real man” he is. He began with a joke about how his ex-wife has resorted to dating younger men, and that he genuinely feels sorry for her, since she can’t find a classy “gentleman” like he is. He continued with amusing anecdotes of how women need a real man, who is mature enough to teach them about life.

Eavesdropping on this conversation, I didn’t know whether to burst out laughing or cry, that men and some women, still believe that there is much to be gained from the intelligence and experience of an older man. That may have been true in 1969, but we have come a long way since then.

When I look around, I see women who fall into two segments. There are the ones who believe the mass hysteria of the mythical biological clock, and the ones who dismiss it. Both groups are composed of educated, capable women, but the later group is much happier. Thriving on freedom and personal confidence, they know that they alone decide what will fulfill them. They are aware that money, career and assets have opened doors for them, and they sample all the choices life has given them.

They have discovered younger men, and make no apologies for enjoying them. They have gained from exploring, trying new things, driving fast cars, and running their own businesses. Is that really as pathetic and horrifying as the media claims?

I have yet to meet a woman who has dared to break free from the pressures of society, and regretted it. Every single one of them is in absolute ecstasy knowing that happiness is in her own hands.

So where does that leave older men? With trends showing women making greater strides in the workplace, shunning convention or public shaming for not bowing down to motherhood and a life behind the white picket fence, they are no longer clinging to the notion that an older man is somehow more desirable.

With sexual freedom, comes a realization that perhaps things are not as the media lead us to believe. If she can manage her own life all by herself, then why should she resort to dating a man for his maturity? At that point, all those characteristics we have been told men need in order to be attractive to women, are suddenly less valuable.

I see women selecting men simply for the pleasure they will take in them. Superficial characteristics such as looks, youth, and physique, used to be traits only older, wealthier men could afford. But today, the tables have turned. We can afford those characteristics too, and make no apologies for enjoying them.

Unlike mainstream media, I see these as positive trends. They are nothing to fear, in fact, they are beneficial for women of all ages. We should be happy and proud to be more selective, and less apologetic for having choices. Now that we don’t have to chose mates for their ability to provide, we can chose them for their attractiveness, youth or ability to make us laugh.

But the news is especially good for older women. Historically, they had limited choices when their mates experienced mid-life crisis, grew pony tails, bought a motorcycle, then traded their wife with a PhD, for a younger, bouncier model with no degree at all. Those men are slowly finding out that they are not as attractive to younger women as they thought. They troll nightclubs and parties where the young congregate, and rather than walk out with a date, they are met with “eeew” and “get away from me grandpa!” On a rare occasion, a “gentleman” with a gold card might get lucky, and succeed in buying a drink for a firm, statuesque blonde, but it is more common these days that she is a struggling waitress or an aspiring actress, so naturally she stands to benefit from his infinite intelligence.

So my question is, where exactly does women’s lib, and freedom leave these older men? Faced with their declining sexuality, and diminishing need for their wisdom, intelligence or assets, many older men are finding themselves alone, and out of place. They try to join groups where the young congregate, but the younger generation cannot relate to them.

I organize international trips for groups of young travelers, and I have to turn down almost 70% of inquiries, because the majority of them are older men seeking the company of younger women. Those women are openly stating their preferences, and asking me to invite more males their age. As it becomes more acceptable for women to openly express their wants, it is becoming increasingly clear that they are no longer striving to meet social norms. They are far more interested in younger, or men their own age, regardless of whether that makes them “pathetic” or alone.

On any given day, I receive dozens of suggestive messages and invitations on Facebook and email from older men that go unanswered. Lurking in the anonymity of blurry profile photos and empty timelines, are lonely men looking for any sign of attention from a younger woman. If I accidentally click “like” on a post, they contact me within 15 seconds with an offer to dinner. So really, are women as lonely as mainstream media portrays us to be?

Something tells me that those headlines cautioning women to heed the warnings and settle down as soon as possible, for fear they will grow old as a spinster, are nothing more than scare tactics. What I don’t understand, why aren’t scientifically proven studies showing the dangers of reproducing with an older male bombarding our headlines?

In the last decade, old sperm has been linked to autism, it has been measured that testosterone levels in males are dropping at alarmingly fast rates, reducing their chances of becoming fathers, yet I have yet to read an article urging men to hurry up and settle down. For a young woman, the perils of being left sexless with a partner with erectile dysfunction are greater than ever, so why aren’t women being warned away from older men?

When left to make their own decisions, and ignore mass hysteria, women are doing very well breaking boundaries, and making their own rules. So what if a balding, flabby, limp biscuit is no longer considered a prize?

Sure, we all still want men with intellect, university degrees, and emotional stability as companions. But when they are not available, we get intellectual stimulation from our female friends who are today even more interesting than men. I have yet to meet a woman who is pining for a dinosaur to take her home. Most of us would still rather go home with the young hunk, and no, we don’t regret it in the morning.

If I could give advice to younger women, it is to ignore mass media completely. It simply isn’t true that they if they earn a higher degree, start their own business, or focus on their careers, they will lose out on the man hunt. If anything, their experience, stability and assets will make them more desirable to a potential mate. They will have choices to have a child with or without his help, walk away from marriages that no longer serve them, and live their lives, their way.


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