When you fall in love with your solitude, everyone wants to be with you.
I have always loved being alone. It is my time to re-charge, pamper myself, and quiet my mind. But, I understand that many people don’t like being alone. Some find it uncomfortable, others find sadness in solitude.
A few years ago, I started to filter events, people, and situations out of my life, as stress and drama was taking a toll on my inner peace. So, I retreated into myself, and started spending more time than usual by myself.
The first thing I noticed was that the more I fell in love with my solitude, the more other people wanted to be a part of it. At first, it was a bit annoying, but later, I realized just how powerful of a magnet I was becoming.
To me, there is nothing more precious than me-time. But, I actually fell in love with solitude so much, that I started taking vacations by myself, treated myself to champagne sunsets, scenic road-trips, luxury spa retreats, and exotic foreign destinations. The more I fell in love, the more other people fell in love with how I was living. And, suddenly everyone I knew was begging me to take them along for the ride.
This solitude was so appealing to me that it showed in my attitude, my demeanor and my social media posts. The more I fell in love with it, the more others wanted to be a part of it. There is something magnetic about loving your life, your lifestyle, your personal time and yourself. Other people fall in love it it as well.
Knowing that I am easily affected by the energy of others, I started to carefully guard my solitude. From past experience I knew that the minute I let in one person into my me-time, that time was no longer precious.
I also noticed two things, one a bit annoying, and the other a pleasant surprise. The annoying thing was, that many of my girlfriends whom I was trying to convince to do the same, were adamant about not wanting to be alone, but insisting that I take them along with me. It was as if they found being alone uncomfortable, yet I owed it to them to share my beautiful solitude. My answer was NO, and I am glad I didn’t compromise.
The other thing I noticed was how men started to treat me. The more I fell in love with my lifestyle and my time, the more they too wanted to be a part of it. There was a peace they all could sense in being with me, and many men commented how much they would enjoy my company.
If you can achieve the same, and absolutely relish your solitude, you will find that people will automatically be drawn to you. But, I would advise you to be very careful with whom you share your time. Some people wanted to be with me out of a need to fill a gap in their lives. I find this unhealthy, and as selfish as this sounds, I refuse to complete anybody. That places me in an uncomfortable position of being someone’s band-aid, when it is their responsibility to work on, and complete themselves. Other people, also loved to be alone, and they respected my boundaries.
As far as the men were concerned, I applied the same rule. Many wanted to be with me, but that doesn’t mean that I should automatically give them my time. My time was reserved for men whose company was more interesting than my alone time. Yes, those men are rare, but being able to filter men out of your dating pool is of utmost importance. You quickly get to see why they want your time. Men are needy too (my theory is they are more needy than women), and they too can be a drain on my energy.
Even when I am in a relationship, my solitude remains of utmost importance. Regardless of who he is, he must respect my time, and need to be by myself. The men who understand that are the ones I get along with best, but even that is not enough. Though I never verbally state this, I observe very keenly how much I enjoy their company. If the time I spend with them is not better than my time alone, then I reserve little time for them. And when their company is absolutely enjoyable, I give them more of my time.
This has resulted in me becoming a magnet for people. The friends I attract into my life are now all happy, independent, capable people who are healthy and have complete lives of their own. Nothing is missing from their lives, which makes them very pleasant to be with. And the men I date tend to be the same. They are whole, purposeful, well-rounded, and secure with themselves.
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I think it’s a matter of personal preference–some people are introverts, meaning they feel content and revitalized by being alone, while others are extroverts who get that effect from being around people. Regardless, though, I do think that learning to be comfortable in solitude is very valuable.
I LOVE my alone time. It’s funny, when I was in my 20s and living in Manhattan, which was the most vibrant and social time of my life, I also distinctly remember loving doing things alone. Like exploring the city, going to movies, traveling, a lot of the things you describe. There was such freedom in this. It sounds like you are really benefiting from your independence and love your own company, two wonderful and very attractive traits.
I also pick up other’s moods and energies around me. I am very outgoing but need the solitude to recharge. After my divorce, I was really uncomfortable being alone at first and it wasn’t until a few years in that I realized that I wasn’t alone as long as I enjoyed my own company. True, true post!
Great article! I do believe that you attract what you project! So glad you are living the life you want! More people need to do what makes them happy!