I am a big fan of self-responsibility because it is a major aspect of being a Goddess. I alone am responsible for the healthy and unhealthy situations I am in, and if I am not satisfied with a certain aspect of my life, I alone am responsible for changing the outcome. I do not control people, that is a major violation of being a Goddess and a sign of deep insecurity. But I am in full control of my body, reactions, responses, composure, and charting my own course, filtering people in and out of my life, deciding who to associate with and how much of myself to give.
If I am failing in a particular aspect of my life, I have a lot of work to do on myself (never on the other person). It is the New Year and I have been thinking about how I want to show up in 2019. In December I cleaned out a lot of the old habits, people, negative thoughts, attachments to things that were not getting me anywhere. Yes, I let people go. I never do this in a mean-spirited way, always with kindness, gratitude for their time and whatever they taught me, wishing them the best.
Two days before Christmas I decided to let go of an important connection. It was amazing, but we were diverging, the connection was never fully satisfying, and we both reached that point where we were testing each other on how much the other was willing to give or not give, frustrating to both of us. I could see that control was an important aspect of how he deals with people, and I have no desire to be controlled. I leave all situations as soon as I sense that control is the culprit.
Knowing that this is will never be enough, I let go- my most powerful practice of self-growth. Christmas was a bit of a downer, but it was okay- by now I have let go so many times, that I have come to expect an immediate improvement. Today is 10 days later, and a new person has entered my life, so I know that the faster and easier we let go, the faster we allow and welcome something new. For 2019, I assigned myself the responsibility to take a leap forward in being more open to new opportunities, more social (I have been a hermit through 2018), less judgemental, more accepting and more focused (focus has always been a challenge of mine).
To do this, I have to move past a lot of old people, habits and situations which comfort me in their stability but have no power to change me for the better. All these things are happening because I resolved to change myself first- not ask other people to improve for my benefit. The hard choices and changes in behavior have to come through me. The work is mine, the discomfort is mine, the willingness is mine, if any pain, that is also mine. Don’t look for people to ease your pain or share your pain with- that is cruel to other people. Instead, work on yourself and your own emotions.
In December I changed myself by taking an uncomfortable action. In January I already see positive results. A new person who has healthier qualities has already showed up. What aspect of yourself will you change first?