The loneliness epidemic. I hear that a lot of people are lonely these days, so lonely in fact, that now the news and media are calling it an epidemic. It seems that there are so many people who are feeling disconnected and shut out, but I don’t understand why. I sympathize, but my own love for solitude, me time, and introspection has actually benefited me. I choose and I absolutely need time to restore myself, but also to protect myself from the crazy, the dissatisfied, the dramatic, the chaotic, the imbalanced people who don’t have their own inner peace.
While I was once happy to share my peace with you in tiny amounts, and was happy to advise you how to get it for yourselves, none of you who are not peaceful seem to be interested in the long, arduous process of self-reflection, inner work, therapy, meditation, nor even reading a book about self-help. No, you don’t need that. You just need access to live people. At the risk of sounding insensitive,I am wondering if those who are lonely are exactly the ones the peaceful and content people are protecting themselves from?
A lot of this is being blamed on social media, cell phones, and people who are finding happiness elsewhere. Some are complaining that they can’t get attention because most people have their nose glued to their cell phone. I too am a proud cell phone scroller. I assure you, there is nothing in my cell phone that is so engrossing, but when my nose is glued to it, it is because I am busy avoiding eye contact with exactly those people who think I owe it to them. Yes, an inanimate object has more to offer me in terms of engagement and entertainment than the person demanding access to me, so I’d rather scroll down to the year 2015 on my feed than lock eyes with their dissatisfied face.
When I look at my group of friends, I see that about half of them are being selective with their company, doing a lot of inner work, upgrading their experiences, developing themselves and creating a beautiful life, while the other half is wondering where they all went. And the lonely half insists that it is not them, its other people who are to blame: they are selfish, they are delusional, they are this, they are that. They are calling the peaceful all kinds of names, they are wanting legislation, something must be done about this because this loneliness is not fair. What are we supposed to do now?
Do you remember that kid from the playground who wanted your toys, stepped on your sandcastle, made you eat sand, told everybody not to play with you? They are grownups now who think somebody left them, it was all unfair, somebody misunderstood them, nobody gave them a chance, and whatever they had somebody stole from them. They approach you with what do you bring to my table? My answer is always nothing. absolutely nothing. But they try to sit at my table anyway, and when I won’t give them anything, they throw a fit. My suspicion is that those are the people who are lonely.
I understand that people have busier lives than ever before. I have a full time job, I take care of an elderly parent, I run an organization, I am building a small business. I read a book a week, I meditate daily, I walk in nature, and I am blessed with some amazing friends. I’m not bragging, I am telling you that I invested in myself, became the person others can respect, and I do have tremendous value that I don’t share with you. you see, True value is like gold, you don’t give it away to anyone who wants it. Value is like currency, and my I spend 15 minutes in gratitude daily for all the juicy people who are bursting with positive energy, love, kindness, and generosity toward me. That is where my attention goes when I am ignoring you. You won’t get to have people like these in your life when you ask ‘What do you bring to my table?’ I am 100% committed to giving empty people nothing.
Loneliness is not an epidemic, it is karma, a direct consequence of what you brought to the tables of people who once were in your lives. It is also a consequence of not working on your own flaws, your own shadow, not releasing your past traumas, and thinking you will still have good people in your life.
I used to be without anything too. I lost everything, There was a period of time I had absolutely nothing. I don’t write much about that period of my life because I am rich beyond belief in ways that money cannot buy. I am blessed with soulful and generous friends, I have real, authentic relationships, I give freely to people who give freely to me and that exchange is beautiful. But like everyone else who is walking away from empty, superficial, toxic, exploitative situations, I am just tired. I’m sorry I have nothing left to give to the lonely, the hollow, the soulless, the opportunistic, the draining, the egotistical, the depthless.
As a devout introvert, I spend long periods of time by myself. There are times when I have no opportunity to see people for weeks. Am I lonely? Never. Why? Because even without my people I still enjoy my own company. Lonely people don’t enjoy that. They feel uneasy, dissatisfied, alone, stressed in their own company. If you don’t like your own company, how can other people like it? If you can’t stand being by yourself, how can other people stand you? How much company you have is directly correlated to how much peace, joy, encouragement and genuine love you bring into other people’s lives? Whose table did you bring that too?
Yes, the world is changing. The digital age allows all of us to unplug, delete, block, swipe left and disappear. And while you all blame it on the delete button, I assure you the problem is not technology. This is just a tool we use to get back to reality. The real problem is those who have the problem and refuse to admit it.