Do you make people uncomfortable? If you are a woman who respects herself, has invested in her growth, has succeeded at anything at all, gets more attention, chances are high that have ruffled some feathers. If you identify as a true empath, someone who can feel the feelings of others, then you can sense when people’s emotions stir when you stand in your power, bask in your light, or receive the words of your hard work. How dare she?
How dare she be so happy? How dare she be so confident? How dare she hold her head up so high? How dare she lead? How dare she revel in her own energy? Who does she think she is?
She should pace herself, she should slow down, she shouldn’t always be in the spotlight, she should be more humble, she should let others. She needs a man.
Is that you? How long have you listened or felt other people’s feelings of you? How long have you felt guilty for receiving the fruits of your own labor? How long have you felt there is something wrong with you, because others are so critical of you? How long have you tried to make jealous friends comfortable with you? How long have you tried to make your self so small that men feel safe and non threatened by you? Every woman has experienced the consequence of being bigger than a man, They will destroy you, so they can feel bigger than you. Friends will do the same, and act like it was all in your best interest.
I have been experiencing this since I was born. Since I was a young girl, my father felt threatened by me. He was a narcissist from a different culture, tried hard to dominate our household, and being an empath I could always feel his insecurities about my mother who received more respect and attention, insecurities of other men because he never felt as successful, and later his insecurities toward me. I was that girl who always talked back, spoke my unapologetic truth to a man who came from a country where girls should be quiet, soft, obedient. Not me, I rubbed my truth in his face, refused to soften myself, and always called him out when he took his insecurities out on my mother, and blamed her for his failures.
As a kid I believed him when he said there was something wrong with me. He insisted I should feel ashamed of my words. that I should bow down to him, that I should be obedient, that I should be shy as his culture raised all girls to be. He told me I am offensive, that I am nothing, but no matter how hard he tried to crush me, I could always feel that he is threatened by me. No matter what he did, I always called him out, pulled his narcissistic mask off, exposed him in front of people who believed in him. Today, I understand that I wasn’t that devil child. I was not nothing, in fact I was someone to be reckoned with, My very existence threatened his narcissistic mask.
Later, I married a narcissist and started a new cycle of trying to make him feel equal, pushing him forward, giving him my spotlight, investing in his progress, and as long as I was pouring into him, his ego was exploding with false pride, I tried to be softer, non-threatening, and every time I succeeded at something, I deferred to his success. I created a monster simply by believing in his false self. As long as I stayed smaller than him, he was in love. But the minute I exceeded him, he sought to destroy me.
But this is not just about gender relations. Post divorce, I made new friends, my career skyrocketed, I started a small side business which got a lot of attention, and ran several organizations on the east coast. I joined non-profit boards and quickly got elected as president. I won a contract for my small business that got so much attention, it rattled so many male and female feathers. How dare she? She shouldn’t be doing so much.
Why was I doing all this? Because I was free. I didn’t even know what I wanted, I was just grateful for every opportunity that came my way, and accepted it out of pure joy. I wasn’t trying to make anyone jealous or uncomfortable, I was trying to find myself and explore all my possibilities.
I made so many friends, that I simply did not have the time to be bored nor lonely. But I quickly started to see that despite my openness and welcoming people to share in my spotlight, I was making frienemies- friends who wanted the spotlight but not me in it. They were eager to benefit from everything my friendship offered, but were uncomfortable when I received the praise, the social status, and even more opportunities. As long as I was giving, they were taking, but more so, pushing me out of the way. Those friends who I opened many doors for were exactly the ones who spoke behind my back and tried to discredit me.
Because of my position within a social organization, I had access to a dating pool so large, I never had to date online or on any apps. So most of my relationships came from my vast network of social contacts. There wasn’t a man who was comfortable with my position. They all tried to take over under the guise of “helping me out”, tried to diminish me, discredit me, Not one of them had any problem enjoying my spotlight, they did have a problem with me being in it too. As long as I was with a man, I was pushed to feel smaller, softer, discredited, controlled, manipulated, but when I walked away, his spotlight disappeared so he would chase me for more.
Do you create your own light? Do you have your own connection with a higher power that needs no direction from any institution, religion, or guidance? Can you read people like I do? Can you feel their feelings, and suffer because the people who have the biggest problem with you are people you care for the most? Then you know what it is like to be hated for every crumb you earn, be bullied because you shine brighter, be manipulated to feel smaller. Perhaps you don’t feel powerful at all, yet you still incite the wrath of others every time you refuse to conform to their low perceptions of themselves. How dare you be better than me? Imagine going through school and always earning A+, but not being able to collect your degree because other kids didn’t pass.
There came a point in my life when I was done apologizing. In reality I am not a great success. I am quite unmotivated, have low to no ambition, I have no drive. I am always happy with whatever I have, extremely grateful, and for that I have received many blessings that i was always willing to share with friends. I gave freely, only to have my hands bitten off. And I felt bad, just as bad as they wanted me to feel.
When you have your own ability to create your own energy and your own light, you need nothing from others. I have always been good on my own. But when you have that power, people will always want it for themselves, or seek to benefit from you. I have no problem sharing my energy, but today I only do so with select people. Because one of the worst things that you could do is be non-discerning and refuse to use your senses to understand who people are before you start giving.
The other thing that I did was stop shrinking. I stopped apologizing for who I am. I stopped giving a damn what people think of me. I stopped caring what some jealous wretch is doing behind my back. I stopped reacting to attacks. I decided to become comfortable making people uncomfortable.
When people are uncomfortable with you, that discomfort is evidence of their own weakness of insecurity. It is the proof that you need that this person is not equal. They do not match my energy level, they do not match my vibration, they do not match my generosity, they do not match my hard work. They are in my life to bask in my glow, but their discomfort is a sign of how they feel about me. This is nothing to apologize for.
The biggest mistake you can make is to try to make them feel more comfortable. The minute you try to temper their jealousy, is the minute you start to lower your own vibration and dim your own light. That comes at a tremendous cost to your own emotional and mental health. Now that you have dimmed your light just enough to make them feel equal, they will take over whatever you are not protecting.
I have had trusted friends turn on me, I have had men romance me just to access my clients. Every person I helped spat in my face when I ran out of energy. Were these authentic friendships and relationships? Were they worth diminishing myself for? Not a single one.
Quit wasting your time making people feel comfortable with you. You are you, and whatever you have, and the woman you became, you earned it. To this day I don’t see what makes people so uncomfortable with me, because I don’t think I do that much. That is because they are the ones with the problem. Leave people to their own egos, let them stew in their own toxicity. You can only continue to shine, appreciate, love, experience and create your own world.
The other danger of making people comfortable is that you will always attract people who are weaker, smaller, more insecure and more toxic. Remember, you are an A+ You earned that. If you continue to make people comfortable you will always be surrounded by friends and lovers who are a C, and you will pay a heavy price with your own energy. If you want better for yourself you have to stop apologizing, and start dealing with people who are equal. Your true friends, and your best lovers are people who have done the hard work, invested in themselves and are totally comfortable with you shining bright in the light you created for yourself.
I wanted better friends. I wanted people who are honest, truthful, of high integrity. I was wondering why I was meeting takers, wanters, critics, apologists, needers, manipulators, controllers, But it was my fault. I was making them comfortable. Instead of noticing they hate me, I was trying to reduce their rage by making them feel comfortable around me. “That’s okay devil, come sit by me, and I won’t burn you with my light, There’s no need to feel uncomfortable with me, because I can make myself so soft and so small, that you’ll feel like a big deal enjoying the fruits of my labor, my social status, my friends, my attention, and everything else I earned. You see, I am not bigger than you at all!”. I was making every miserable scoundrel feel comfortable with me, and wondering at the same time why they are trying so hard to destroy me. Why are they taking everything I’ve got, why are they trashing my name, why are they stealing? But I was trying to make trash feel comfortable with me.
Other people’s discomfort isn’t a bad thing. It feels bad to an empath (I hate that word) because we feel their feelings. We feel their jealousy, their rage, their ire, and we want to stop them for feeling that because their feelings hurt us too. Discomfort is an indicator. Try to see their ill feelings as a sign that something is wrong. With them, not you. Their rage is an emotion produced within their mind and body. Therefore they are the sole owners of that rage. Not you. The fact that that horrible feeling originates and resides within them is proof that they are the source of it, and that they are the one and true owner of that toxicity. Let them sit with that.
What do I do when I feel their discomfort? Today, I see their ill feelings as an indicator on my dashboard. That red light that triggers a warning is a sign that something is wrong. It flashes to let me know to pay attention, pull over, disconnect, detach and remove myself from the source of that breakdown. Bad energy infects whoever is in it’s presence. Do I want to accept their rage and absorb it? A fake empath might see no problem with simply dealing with people’s ire. A true empath knows how to deflect, detach, disconnect and block that energy. You are not my friend, you are jealous of me. You don’t love me, you benefit from me. You don’t respect me, you tarnish my reputation. Game over buddy. I will not make you feel comfortable with me.
People can’t grow if you keep making them feel comfortable with you. Why should they grow if you are okay with their insecurities? If someone let me into the C-suite of Fortune 500 company, what reason would I have to excel, educate myself, and earn a seat in its boardroom? People don’t have to grow when there are women who are making them comfortable with their size.
Discomfort isn’t a bad thing. It’s often a sign that someone whose energy is very different than yours is in your presence. There is a wolf in sheep’s clothing masquerading as your friend. A kind face of a smitten lover who is in love with what you bring to the table. A true empath knows when a person’s vessel doesn’t match the feelings emanating outward, or when the words love and light coming out of someone’s mouth are spewing out as rage and darkness.
I’ve learned that when I speak honestly, powerfully or show up authentically, it always makes people uncomfortable. And I’m okay with that. Not because I enjoy pushing buttons, but because real conversations, real change, and real self-awareness don’t happen in other people’s comfort zones. If my presence or perspective stirs something in you, that’s not me being too much, it’s you not being enough. That’s on you. It is your job to do the inner work, face your own darkness, educate and qualify to be with people who are healed, trustworthy, successful if you want them in your life. It isn’t not my job to make you feel comfortable because that would stroke your ego, and make our relationship inequitable and toxic.
Being comfortable with other people’s opinion of you is a super power. It means that no matter what they say, or what they do, you will always remain unbothered. This allows you to grow unhindered, move forward without fear of losing people who don’t like you anyway. Stop wasting time diminishing yourself for people who don’t like your confidence, position, ambition, authenticity, your fame or your fortune. I’m sure you earned it. Allow people to deal with their own emotions, let them have tantrums, make sure their negative emotions don’t stick to you, by letting people leave your table.
My table is now for my equals. There are people who have earned their spot here, and I assure you they have nothing bad to say about me. You’ll recognize them when you see how they reciprocate with value, not just words. You keep rising, keep growing, and stop apologizing. It is okay to be on top. Practice standing there, assume the power posture, get comfortable with your position. It is you who got you there. Instead of giving your power away, deal with people who are your true equals.