The most disempowering idea out there is that a woman has to do something special to find a man. Go to any book store, pick up any dating manual, and it is full of ludicrous advice that a woman must act a certain way, use all her cunning and skillfulness to secure herself a man.
We are instructed to shave our legs, wax bikini lines, pluck our brows, respond to texts after an hour delay, be unavailable from Thursday to Sunday, don’t sleep with him until the third, ninth, and now the 32nd date, appear to be too busy, pretend to have a life, manage our social media reputations, make him feel needed without appearing needy, and make him feel like a man even when he doesn’t know the meaning of the word. The women who believe this, walk on egg shells, worried to make one wrong move for fear they will lose his interest.
We have been following absurd courting rules for centuries, and no wonder we have rarely had the upper hand in dating. It seems that men get to have all the fun, and women dutifully wait until a man gifts them with his attention. When that happens, some women go totally apeshit, lose all their self-respect, whip out that dating manual, and stand on their heads looking for ways to please him.
Would you believe that I haven’t shaved my legs in two years, that I hook up whenever the hell I want, even on a first date, make the first move, say whatever pops into my head, even when I’m sure he won’t be able to handle it, and in general, don’t give a fuck what he thinks? Would you believe, that since I have been single, I have never come across a man who didn’t beg me for commitment? I have had multiple marriage proposals from men I hooked up with on the first date, and said confidently No Thanks to?
While most women think man is the prize, I am 100% convinced that I am the prize. Since I am that, then why be afraid of losing him? A woman who is that sure of herself, feels no need to please a man at all. He is pleased when I am pleased. And of course, he first must be pleasing to me before I pay any attention to him at all.
Ladies, we have been fooled. Since the dawn of mankind, we have been told that man is something to strive for. Our sexuality and reproductive ability have been repressed, regulated, politicized, judged, shamed, and controlled to ensure that there is a guaranteed supply of young, eager, needy women available to that lowest hanging fruit- the aging, white male. Our ability to earn a paycheck has been limited until the last couple of decades, to prevent us from competing with men who have for decades counted on being a provider. Everything about what society and culture have taught us about dating (to both men and women) is to guarantee that women always choose the most mature, financially stable, secure man, and avoid the young, firm, virile, men most young women are naturally attracted to.
Man is no prize, he is not even an asset. Man is a liability. I will do a separate post to demonstrate the risks, both financial and social that marriage to a man, or having his child poses for women. For now, I will simply point out that chasing a man, striving only for relationships that lead to commitment, being over focused on marriage, has left a lot of women dejected, and with low self-esteem. Media reminds us every day that millions of women are left out of the husband and baby race, their reproductive systems rotting, as they have missed the opportunity to procreate. And naturally and unfortunately, women believe this, causing much emotional and psychological harm. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Women are, and have always been the prize since the dawn of mankind. There is absolutely nothing we need to do to attract a man, earn his attention, nor his fidelity. The only thing that is needed is a heavy dose of self-respect and unshakeable pride- the two things most women who are dating lack.
Armed with much self-respect, a woman will naturally maintain her self-assuredness and remain focused on herself, her life, her career, and her interests. If she can simply retain this focus on the self, and keep her eyes on the prize (herself), she is already ahead of the dating game. Pay no attention to men at all, and that has been my only dating secret since I embarked on this adventure of enjoying men, sex and dating.
For me, man is of no importance at all, what is important is that I have a thrilling experience with whoever I grace my time and presence with. I have no concerns at all whether his interest will dwindle, or whether he will call me back. I am always dating multiple young, firm, ripe men at the same time, only giving attention to those who please me. I play no games at all, and I don’t lie. I answer texts and phone calls whenever I feel like, and don’t fret if one doesn’t respond on time. All men know that I am seeing other people, not because I am trying to make them jealous, but because I enjoy meeting and choosing from a wide variety of men. Commitment is never on my mind because I have a pile of choices, and more beautiful men to get to know.
I should disclose that I recently met a man with whom I am now in a monogamous relationship with, and that is only because he has earned my respect, attention and keeps me satisfied. As amazing as he is, and as much as I know he is a keeper, my self respect and pride are and always will be of utmost importance in this relationship. He will not hear me whine about commitment nor marriage, I still don’t need that. But if he does the work, and continues to make me happy, he might just earn more of me.
Women are taught to be givers. That training begins at a young age. Biologically, we are programmed to care for our children and give them everything that is required to be safe and happy, but we are not required to do the same for a man. Yes, we are caring and loving beings, but that affection should only be reserved for men who strive to earn it, and no one else. To be a goddess, a woman must give herself all the love, kindness, affection, admiration, respect and care that she has. With men, she is always kind, gracious and affectionate, but only to the point where she is enjoying herself in her company.
A woman should NEVER trade her affection for anything. Women are taught to trade sex, love and affection for commitment, fidelity or marriage. But this is morally wrong and absolutely denigrating. Religion and culture have always instructed women to barter, and that this is the only decent and principled way to enter a relationship. I am saying that this is a guaranteed way to make a woman dependant on a man’s approval, and absolutely offensive.
When a woman trades sex for a committed relationship, she is giving away her power. First, she is selling sex in exchange for something, and there is never a guarantee. If then the buyer decides he would rather keep looking, she then is left feeling used, since she gave away a piece of herself, and got ripped off in return. It is no wonder that when a relationship fails, most women feel ripped off.
My only rule for sex is to have it whenever I want, and only with men whom I want. I don’t time sex, dangle it as a carrot in front of a man hoping to bait him. I follow no dating rules about waiting, as I am not trying to catch a man, nor earn his respect. I respect myself, and his opinion is not needed. I do command much respect from men as a result, because I own my own sexuality, and the only way they can participate is if they meet my personal requirements.
Men have no ability nor opportunity to buy me, or my attention. I don’t accept free drinks, and when invited to dinner, I pay my own way 100% of the time (unless I am in a committed, long term relationship). I show up to the date to determine if I have a genuine interest in the person, evaluate how much I like spending time with him, and see if there is chemistry. I only want to be with a man who can hold my interest, is fun to be with, and whose company enjoy. I never evaluate men for their earning potential, nor willingness to commit. I inspire commitment within 1-2 dates, that comes naturally to me, so why strive for it?
Honestly ladies, nothing on your part is needed to hold a man’s attention. Hold attention onto yourselves, stay focused on your inner world, personal goals, growth and development. Waste no time thinking at all about men, in fact, man should be the last thing on your mind. Men will naturally be attracted to a woman who is attracted to herself. When he misbehaves, do not try to mold him into the man you need him to be. Instead, pass on him and accept the company of another man. I guarantee that the more men you date at the same time, the more powerful you will become.
I wish I could invite you into my home to see how little I have invested into attracting men into my life. I have no sexy clothes, and stopped wearing heels years ago. I own no cosmetics or hair styling equipment. My makeup bag consists only of the most bare essentials. I don’t diet and rarely exercise. I get my hair done, treat myself to a mani/pedi only when it makes me feel good. These days I rarely shave my legs, and on dates men routinely bend down to kiss my knees.
My kitchen contains no man food, there’s not a single bottle of beer in the house, only champagne. I own no TV, if he wants to watch a game I instruct him to go elsewhere. My house is minimal because it suits me.
My entire lifestyle is designed to please me, grow my interests, adventure to far off lands and live for my own personal pleasure. Even now that I am in a committed relationships, I continue to bask in my solitude, treat myself better than he can possibly treat me, enjoy travel alone (even though we frequently travel together). I maintain my friendships, my interests, my career, as none of those things have anything to do with him. I always have my own time and my own life, no matter which man is in it.
The more work you do to attract a man, the more he sees how hard you are trying. The more time you demand from a man, the more he sees how much free time you have. The more you ask for fidelity or commitment, the more he sees how limited your options are. Remember, you are the prize, therefore you should be doing nothing, and he should be doing everything to earn you.
Shift your life’s focus onto yourselves. You and only you should be your top priority. Everything else will fall into place. Men will be competing to gain your attention, they will crawl on their hands and knees for you. But to command that kind of respect, stop asking anything of them. Respect yourself, love and adore yourself, invest in yourself, bliss in your time alone, and always keep multiple options open. You must have multiple men in your life at the same time, stay social and keep moving. No man will chase stationery object.