Here is my guide for how to date like a complete dolt. It guarantees much frustration, too many girls nights out, bitching and whining that he won’t commit, counting the months to your biological expiration date, compromise, compromise, compromise, until, finally, one day, you too can win the husband race, and settle down with a willing participant, who has over-sown his wild oats, and is now ready to settle into a contractual relationship.
Rule #1: Buy a Dating Manual Specifically Aimed at Marriage Minded Women
For good measure, buy six, you never know, you might stumble across one that has that magic formula about how to make him commit. Have you ever noticed that all dating manuals are the same? They all promise to teach you how to push a man’s buttons into getting him to pay more attention to you, call rather than text, communicate his feelings, treat you with respect, perceive you as different from other women, and then collapse to one knee with a romantic proposal, you try so hard to resist.
American dating culture is all about following rules. Regardless whether those rules are written by dating “experts”, PhDs, social biologists, or religious leaders, they all profess that a woman must go to extraordinary lengths to compete for, then manipulate a man into a relationship. After all, the sheer idea of following rules, or an instruction manual to get to Yes, is a form of manipulation. We are told to look a certain way, act a certain way, say the right things, text very little to pretend you are so busy, he will have to now compete for us.
Has anyone ever won the texting game, and secured a man’s undying affection by carefully timing her texts, or waiting until the 23rd date to have sex? No. Yet countless fools, both male and female believe that steps must be taken, and correct buttons must be pushed in order to affect the behavior of the opposite sex.
Rule #2 Believe That Dating is a Perplexing Concept That Requires Calculated Moves
Act too interested up front, and he will lose interest right away. State clearly that you are marriage minded, and he will disappear. Be available on Friday or Saturday night, and you’ve just lost his respect. God forbid you aren’t mysterious enough, or don’t know how to confuse a man with your hot/cold attitude, and you are destined for spinsterhood.
Has anyone ever played this game, and stumbled into a soulmate while walking on egg shells? I don’t think so. Perhaps, a few drones who would rather follow instructions than smile have found each other following “Dating for Dummies”, but most humans think and feel, and have a natural need to say what they feel regardless of whether a book approves of your timing or choice of words.
Rule #3 Believe that Man is a Prize
I am always so happy to see that the younger generation of women (20’s) no longer believe in the husband race, nor the idea that a man is something to be coveted. Perhaps we can all learn something from the millennials, as these ladies are the least likely to chase men, pine for commitment, worry about spinsterhood (a legitimate concern 100 years ago), and are deeply offended by the idea that a biological clock will turn them into miserable, childless hags.
Instead, these women date freely, make their own rules, break them, and move on. Knowing that they are more likely to earn more than their mates, and bear the most of the financial and childcare burden, they are living it up. They travel the world, plunge into exciting adventures, live in the moment, and experience everything. Best of all, they are starting to realize that they are the prize, (we have been all along), and so they reject traditionalism, convention, and media that still insist there is something wrong with a woman who has not secured a man. I love millennial women!
Rule #4 Believe That Men and Women Have Different Needs
It is Ok for him to date multiple people at the same time, while it is not acceptable for a woman to do that. (Women over 40 particularly fall pray to this nonsense). It is Ok for a man to have casual, meaningless sex because they have biological needs, but a woman who does the same is unhealthy, pathetic, or a whore. Personally, I think there is something very wrong with women who judge other women, but that’s a topic for a later post.
The belief that women are programmed differently than men, and that they have different sexual needs was put forth by the scientific and medical establishment well over a 100 years ago. Women had very little ability to earn a living, limited options to remain independent, so their sexual needs were less important- it was crucial to secure a solid, working man in those days in order to survive. But today, those limiting beliefs have to be reevaluated.
I have observed (by no means a scientific argument), that the younger a woman is when she becomes financially independent, the greater the likelihood she will become sexually independent as well. And this is a beautiful thing. Financially independent women in their 40s are likely to be liberated, but tend to still carry a lot of limiting beliefs about how women are meant to be more reserved.
But when I speak to twenty somethings, I see that they have a refreshingly independent view of their sexuality, shun tradition and social norms, and are more likely to think for themselves, set their own boundaries, and make their own rules. For that, this generation is the most criticized? I love the fact that the younger women are enjoying dating, their sexuality, and making their own relationship rules. These young women prove that females have sexual needs, they don’t have to conceal them, nor suppress them. I wonder how many years it will take for “experts” in the medical community to catch up to this concept?
Rule #5 Read Mass Media
Hell, even the New York Times will occasionally expel a brain fart, and conclude that NYC is full of aimless, miserable, single women, who have invested too much in their careers, and missed the boat to reproduce. We are told that these women are lonely, crotchety, and desperate, and that they have turned to work as a way to compensate for their inadequacies.
If you fall prey to this shit, you are no different than the millions of mindless drones who quote mass media and statistics that prove how the odds are stacked up against them. Once you believe this garbage, it becomes your reality, so don’t drink their Cool-Aid.
This is an area where I have proof of the opposite. For the past 16 years, I have been organizing parties for one of the world’s largest social networks. I have been planning gatherings and trips for singles on the east coast, and I can tell you that professional women in their late 30’s and early 40’s are far from frustrated. In fact, they are living it up.
Free from pressure to settle down, way down, they spend money on global adventure, self improvement, personal growth, but most of all, on themselves. Sorry if this offends some people, but this is a good thing. Finally, women are doing the best that they can, for themselves. They are not lonely, in fact, the most confident ones are the ladies who make dating rules of their own. Who cares if they are juggling multiple men? They are not embarrassed to be dating younger, they are quite proud of it.
But here is what I observe at events I host. The nightclubs are packed, and women are looking gorgeous. They are surrounded by other women, as well as men in their own age group or younger. These women have redefined relationships. Some men in their circle are “friends”, others are “friends with benefits”, some are just a hookup, and others are in their periphery as potential prospects.
At the opposite end of the bar, are the “older gentlemen” as they like to call themselves. They sit alone, order the most expensive drinks, and offer them indiscriminately to practically any woman who passes by. More often than not, they are divorced, have a negative opinion of women, and are now entitled to a younger woman to assure themselves of their manhood. When a woman accepts their drink but walks away after 15 minutes of conversation, they act like they have been cheated out of $15, as if they deserved more time than that. But when a woman politely declines, she doesn’t know what’s good for her.
My question is, why hasn’t the media picked up on the misery of aging, older men? They are the ones at the losing end of the women’s empowerment movement? These are the guys who divorced their PhD wife, in an attempt to sow their wild oats with younger models they were taught they were entitled to. But the world has changed, and it is no longer 1969. They are shocked to discover that today, women would rather buy their own drink, if it means we get to avoid being surrounded by silver haired grandpas who want to show them what a real man can do. They are dismayed to hear we now like younger men, go off on adventures we finance ourselves, and that sugar-daddies are for women who can’t pay their own bills. In this world, it is the “older gentlemen” who are losing the race to find a mate. The old guys are trolling bars and nightclubs, flashing their gold cards and dropping hints of owning a condo in Florida. Occasionally they catch a sugar baby, but yes, they have to pay for it. So who is pathetic now?
Contrary to social biologists, psychologists and experts, a growing number of women do engage in casual, meaningless sex, and they are not traumatized by it. They know how to get their needs met (holy shit, women have sexual needs??), and how to not be scarred for life when a casual hookup doesn’t turn into a marriage proposal.
They won’t be defined by marriage, nor their ability to procreate. After all reproduction is a biological function, and they sure as hell won’t be judged by whether they have managed to pop out a baby before they expire. Purpose comes from self-awareness, exploration, centeredness, goals and pursuit of happiness, not from gifting a child to a man.
So, yes, if you want to wallow in misery for the rest of your life, pick up a copy of The New York Times, or any other Pulitzer winning media, to find out just how miserable you are, or should be. You will be spoon fed statistics, examples, and expert opinion about how women in your age group are losing out on the husband race, raising expectations to unreasonable highs, causing them to become dateless, manless and childless for the rest of their lives.
On the other hand, if you don’t want to date like an idiot, you simply have to do one thing: Do whatever the hell you want physically, sexually, spiritually, and socially. Explore, figure things out for yourself, and make your own rules, then follow the ones that feel good to you. A $50 vibrator might feel a thousand times better than any prospect you have, and if that makes you happy, then gloat about it!
Dating manuals have you believe that you shouldn’t ask a man out on a date. I’m here to say that you should. Life is a candy store, and why wait in line for your dole? Really? We have to accept what life gives us? No, and no way! If you want candy, you have to understand how to select the finest, and only the finest will do for a Goddess. Accepting whatever is available is for women who are resigned. I am not!
Life is too short, and I am not waiting in line. If you have any shred of self-respect, neither should you. So take it, eat it, hump it, to whatever the hell you want with it. It’s your life.
