I begin today’s blog post with a quote by Mandy Hale: “ If you don’t love yourself, you will always chase people who don’t love you either”.

This one hit a nerve because for decades I was that girl, attracted to the most brutish assholes, the macho men who wore a façade of strength and dominance only to cover up their inner fragility and failings. Self-love was a project I embarked upon after the end of my 12 year marriage, and it has been a spectacular experience.

But for the sake of this article, let’s forget how Hale’s quote applies to men and relationships- that’s rather obvious. And, I won’t go into details about how to love yourself, by now I have exhausted this topic. If you are still unclear, check out one of my previous posts or videos.

Outside of romantic relationships, I see a lot of women who don’t love themselves when I watch their interactions with family members, friends, and coworkers. There too, we tend to chase people, looking for acceptance, validation, approval and love from people who do not love us. I am not saying those people aren’t capable of love (in fact most are), instead they do not love us. Ouch!

The popular belief is that there must be something wrong with those people if they don’t show us acceptance, approval or love. But the reality is, no one owes us that. I repeat, no one owes us a relationship, a friendship, acceptance, inclusion, respect, nor love. It is not their duty to do so, and when they show us evidence that we are not important, it is not because there is something wrong with them. Healthy people do not value nor need people who are not healthy themselves. Respected people respect those who earn their respect, not those who ask, beg or demand it. Interesting people are interested in those who have taken time to cultivate themselves.

So, it is up to each of us (if we are healthy, and if we are willing to grow), to accept the responsibility for how we are being treated. Rather than blame others for not showing you love, respect, or inclusion, we must take a painful look at ourselves and ask what is it about me that isn’t loveable, respectable, attractive, or validated. This look into our own selves is very painful for some, and many still chose to find fault in others. But, ladies grow up.

Unfortunately, some women are only willing to take this painful overview, when they notice that men are making themselves scarce. Rarely, do they want to see how their lack of love and respect for themselves, turns others off. Do you find yourself chasing people in general? Do friends make plans without you, or only invite you as an after thought? Do family members walk all over you, showing no regard for your feelings? Would dates rather stare at their iPhone rather than pay attention to you? Do people tend to forget to return a phone call to you? Do you tend to fight or argue with people to show you consideration or respect? Well baby, it is time you take a look at yourself.

If you insist that they are the ones being neglectful, hurtful, or disrespectful, you fail to take responsibility for yourself. And as long as you keep doing that, you will continue to see more evidence of that kind of treatment. There is nothing you can do to change other people, nor do you have any right to. But, admitting that you have a problem, that you are responsible for how people treat you, is a very powerful understanding, because now you have the power to shift blame away from them, and work on yourself.

My biggest monsters in my life were not men, they were my parents and extended family. Growing up, I didn’t even know that I was surrounded by toxic people who didn’t love me, because they didn’t even love themselves. To them, love was about possession, having power over family members, owning them, controlling them. Later in life, I entered many relationships with men who needed to own me, control me, reshape me into their own image, and destroy me when I exceeded them.

In terms of friendships, I was in the same situation. My friends too needed to possess me. They expected my undying loyalty and servitude to heal them, shoulder their burdens, teach them, guide them through life, and promise to never leave them. I was the only rock in their lives, and they could only face life’s challenges with my guidance and fearlessness. Can you imagine what a tremendous burden it is to carry all one’s friends? Unlike most of my clients, I wasn’t the one excluded, in fact I was over included. Everyone needed me to be their friend, and not for healthy reasons.

So, in an effort to change my relationships with men, parents and friends, I had to cut many people off. In fact, I cut off almost everyone in order to focus my energy onto healing myself. I am not telling you to cut off everyone, but I am urging you to look in the mirror and say I Love You. Does it feel awkward? Try it again? Many of you can’t say that to yourselves, but you definitely will at some point.

My project in life was now to learn to love myself. The process is too long to describe here, I have written about it numerous times already. In fact, the sole purpose of TheGoddessPrinciples.Net is to teach women to love, adore and worship themselves. I took two years off from relationships with most people to focus inward, appreciate myself, treat myself to the best things in life, until it dawned on me, just how spectacular I am.

I also meditate quite well, and that has been an invaluable experience in balancing my energies, eliminating anger, opening up to love and kindness, and getting in touch with my higher self, which was the ultimate meditation experience. Once I got in touch with my higher self, I understood who I am as a being, what my life purpose is, and how I relate to others when I am at my most powerful self.

Rather than trying to relate to others, I started to relate to myself, and that was a life-altering experience. Imagine how amazing it is to discover the real you. Not the you that you show to the world, but the spectacular you that is all powerful, fearless, godlike. This is the inner goddess I teach women to access. And finding her requires a lot of self love.

Fast forward to my current life, and I have turned 180 degrees in the opposite direction. I am a virtual man magnet, but more importantly a people magnet. I attract healthier men, the ones who truly value me, respect me and worship me. Men who cannot do that, almost always show their fear and weakness to me up front. I see through people, and block them before they even step forward. Family members have experienced what not having me in their lives feels like. They know now that they cannot manipulate nor own me. That resolve to cut off toxic people from my life hurt them much more than me. And today, they earn a rare opportunity to enjoy my presence, they don’t dare to demand it.

My friends are healthier people too. The clingers, the controllers, the energy drainers, the ones who had nothing to add, but tons to take from my life are gone. I now have friends who are complete. They are rare birds, so I actually cultivate those friendships. They are people who have something to offer me too, their energy is healthy, and there is an equal exchange of life lessons, and encouragement. Rather that lean on me and demand I carry them, they are people who have their own path too, and aren’t afraid to walk it alone.

And yes, the men in my life are amazing. Almost immediately I noticed that as my love for myself grew, their love for me grew too. The men who are incapable of respect for women, noticed my unshakable respect for myself. They had nothing to offer me, so they walked away. Men who disguise control with displays of love, walked away too, because I loved myself so much, I didn’t allow them to control me for a second, and didn’t flinch when they threatened to walk away. I let them go cheerfully and easily.

Since I have been single, in the last 6 years, I have received 4 marriage proposals. I didn’t consider a single one of them, as I understood that the more I evolve, the better the men in my life will be.  Now, I continue to grow my love for myself at a faster rate, because it is such a powerful experience. And I am finally understanding what true love, pure love and unconditional love is.

The only love that is eternal is the love for the self. It is the only love that can last forever, the only loyalty one needs, and the only love that will sustain you for eternity. When you love yourself that much, no one can break your heart. You become a fearless lover, undeterred by endings of relationships, because you know that you have the capacity to love even more. I wrote before how I continue to love all my exes. Friends think this would be too painful, but in fact it is very easy. By loving everyone who has walked away anyway, I am absolutely open and fearless about giving away love to those I deem worthy of me.

So when I see women chase relationships, friendships or approval of others, I see that in fact, they do not love themselves. Wouldn’t it be worthwhile to invest in the process of self-discovery and self-love? If you are ever wondering how it is possible that some women can have any man they want, any situation they want, and are always surrounded by the best people? Self-love and inner focus are magnets for people who are capable of pure love, people who love themselves too, and that magnetism ensures you will always be included in the best situations.

The life I have lived post divorce, is the life I have earned. I worked for it. I worked on myself. I took responsibility for my circumstances, understood it is not up to others to treat me better, but up to me to be better. The investment I made in myself has earned me the most spectacular opportunities in life.

I travel the world to the most exotic destinations with the healthiest of companions. They too have invested much blood, sweat and tears into growing themselves, and their friendships are invaluable to me. I have been loved by the most amazing men and I allow them to treat me well and worship me (yes, they really do). Most of all, I want to inspire women to change themselves. It hurts to see women strive to earn love from people. It is a disempowering thing to watch, when in fact, it is only self love that will guarantee the kind of love they dream of.

 S

Blissful solitude is the key to self discovery and awakening.

S

All Men Must Serve

It sounds brutish, but it is true. All humans must serve a higher purpose. Without one, life has no meaning. If you have ever experienced an awakening, it was in that moment that you came in touch with your inner self, that inner Goddess, and realized your life’s calling. Men awaken too, and when they discover their purpose in life, they see the world through different eyes, and life has new meaning.

What is God? God is a supreme being, some call her the Universe, some see God as an entity with human-like qualities. God is all there is. What is a Goddess? A Goddess is God, and nothing less. She is not God’s sidekick, his partner, nor his wife. She is God, she is all there is.

We humans worship God for our own greater good. We worship to find inner peace, we get in touch with God to receive guidance, benevolence, and blessings. God does not demand worship from us. Most importantly, we worship of our own free will, for our own benefit, for our own expansion and growth. A Goddess is a woman whom people worship of their own free will, for their own pleasure. She does not demand worship, and she never has to ask for it, nor whine about it. Her magnetic qualities are enough for people to take notice.

Is God available to all? Yes and no. Sure, God is all there is, and is meant for all to be comforted by its presence. But not all have found God, not all have read between the lines of religious texts, not all have understood, and not all have aligned with the energy the universe blesses us with. To receive that, it takes some study, much introspection, painful soul searching, and a willingness to walk our own path.

Is the Goddess available to all? Of course not. Her benevolence is all reaching. After all, she is truly divine. But she does not make herself a slave to other people’s needs, she does not spread herself thin trying to be all things to all people, and she is far from being a people pleaser. She is God, and in being all there is, she is enough.

A Goddess is a woman everyone wants. That is because she creates her own energy, never taking energy from others. She shares her light, her grace and her positive energy with all who worship her. Her energy flows out of her like a powerful waterfall, her light, as bright as any star in the sky. It is there for all to see, and bask in. But she does not owe that to anyone, only those who appreciate it, are grateful for it, and worship it, receive it in abundance.

A Goddess does not punish those who do not worship, that is their choice. When a person isn’t receiving her light, it isn’t because she is withholding, it is because that person fails to see, appreciate, or align with her energy. One must worship God in order to receive his blessings. A Goddess does not bend over backwards to lift up those who are ailing, instead they must rise up to see her light.

A Goddess kneels before no one. How ridiculous would it be for God to kneel before a worshiper? Yet, for her, and only her, all men kneel willingly, out of their own respect and admiration. Women kneel before her too, to receive her empowerment.

A Goddesses purpose isn’t to own people, rule them, manipulate them, or instruct them. Her only purpose is to live her own truth and meet her own desires, and in achieving that single minded focus on her own pleasures, she lifts other up by being an example to those who want the same. Women view her as a source of truth and empowerment, and emulate her to find their own power. Men are absolutely turned on by her, some even understand they will never possess her, nor enjoy her company. That is not because she is virginal, it is because she can, and does have any man she wants.

A Goddess selects from the best of men. It isn’t for society, culture, nor textbooks to define what a good man is, it is for her to decide what will please her now. The most powerful women in the world, do not need men for anything other than their own pleasure. When a woman has reached that level of self-possession, self-assurance, independence, supreme confidence in her own being, she has awakened the Goddess within. At this point, she lives life for her own pleasure, and she alone decides who she will take pleasure in.

The lucky few who are in her inner circle, receive life’s ultimate blessings. Her friends receive her guidance, encouragement, her light, not because they are owed anything, simply because she enjoys their company. Her men, on the other hand, receive a power like no other. And this is what separates mortal women from Goddesses. Mortal women have no power to give a man. They can act as cheerleader, be his comfort and companion, but no man received his power from that.

A Goddess bestows her energy on men who worship her properly, and those blessings amount to superhuman confidence, life’s purpose, inner drive, and sharp focus on attaining their goals, their spiritual and earthly wealth. It is through her, that they receive their power to succeed, something all men crave, And it is for her that they will do it. She needs nothing from them, just like the great God in heaven needs nothing from you. She simply delights in what she receives.

When worshiped to her full satisfaction, to the point when she lives in the state of permanent orgasm, nirvana, bliss, a Goddess blesses the men in her life with a power no woman on earth can produce. This is why in ancient times, and in the present, the most powerful men on earth still take part in Goddess worship. Men who seek power from mortal women, will never find it.

This is something that has been hidden from humanity for thousands of years, and it has been hidden by religious institutions, the very ones people rely on for spiritual guidance. All the world’s religions have hidden this truth from man, and relegated women to the role of man’s sidekick, when in fact, she is the key to riches they never dared to dream of.

Woman is that key that unlocks the gates of heaven. She who knows herself, knows her true power.

Beware, there are countless false Goddesses out there, the majority of which thrive in new-age communities, peddle health foods, diets and yoga poses as ways to reach enlightenment, and refer to themselves by self-glorifying titles. To clarify, I should point out the vast differences between true Goddesses and their mortal conterparts.

A Goddess needs no validation. As God, she has always been valid. She will not ask for your favor, nor will she ask you to trust her, believe her, follow, or respect her. She always has her followers.

A Goddess is a woman who lives life by her own rules only. She seeks no approval from men. She needs no approval from women either. You will recognize her by the fact that some people delight in her presence, while the men who cannot possess her, and women who have no hope of being like her, show extreme disapproval of her. She is never concerned with the critics. She continues to live by her own standards.

A Goddess generates her own energy, her own power.  She shares that positive energy with all.  She does not take energy from others. Ever. To clarify, incomplete human beings, need the energy of others to survive. They seek attention, and look for their purpose in others. Goddesses radiate pure, positive energy at all times. They need nothing to thrive.

In order to generate her light and her positive energy, a Goddess delights in her solitude. In fact, she experiences extreme bliss in her personal time. Often, we spend much time alone in nature, where we connect to earth, fauna, and become one with its energy. Nature is our church (and should be yours too).  A mortal woman craves the energy of others, especially the attention of men, while a Goddess generates her own light in solitude, then blesses others with it.

A mortal woman needs. A Goddess has.

A mortal woman seeks safety, security, and support from men. A Goddess seeks nothing, she is all that.

A mortal can be pleased with attention, commitment, a diamond ring, and a promise to never leave her. A Goddess can be pleased by the quality of the pleasure men provide, and one man’s commitment is of no benefit to her at all. In fact, the more men she is worshiped by, the more power she has.

To some, the Goddess is a vile creature, someone to be persecuted, even eliminated. She is a threat, but not to humanity. She is a threat to those who are not in touch with their own energy, and refuse to do the work for themselves. She is a threat to women who compete for the attention and favors of men, and she is a threat to men who cannot receive her blessings. In fact, we have been eliminated from religious texts, hidden from the eyes of humanity, even burned at the stake.

So how are Goddesses worshiped? Freely and willingly.  You know you are a Goddess when without needing to ask for anything, men strive to be their best for you. We never ask for their attention, never compete for it, we make no effort at all. A man does not owe it to us to worship us, but when he is allowed to do so, his purpose is served.

A Goddess requires no commitment at all. Does God in heaven ask you to never leave him? Does God in heaven ask that you sign on the dotted line that you will obey him? Of course not, you can leave any time, and that God is not affected by your choice at all. Thus a Goddess is not concerned with man’s commitment at all. She can have any man, in fact, she is served by a multiple selection of worthy men at all times. This is, in fact, the true meaning of Goddess worship.

Most women and most men are not comfortable with a woman having this much power, and Goddesses understand that. I don’t expect my clients and readers to approve, most simply view my lifestyle as an inspirational fantasy. Not surprisingly though, the women who contact me for mentoring, are in fact the ones who sense that there is more to life. Many of them have seen a glimpse of the Goddess they are capable of being, and are shedding their mortality to embark on a path to find that inner power. It is a long process, but absolutely worth the journey.

After all, as any religious text will tell you, God is within.

S

Somewhere along my path in helping women discover their higher selves and their inner Goddess, I came to realize that for the vast majority of women out there, a relationship is still the ultimate purpose in life. I also realized that what is preventing many of those women from finding what they seek, is the belief that they are owed that, and that if they haven’t received that, their person of interest, usually the man, has failed them in some way.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a loving relationship- we all want that. But, our expectations about what that relationship will bring, how that relationship will fulfill us, and what life will be like if we attain that, is not serving us at all.

Once again, I am going to blame media, society and culture, for creating this fictional view of what love is, and how we (especially women) find our joy, our purpose, our fulfillment from that relationship. In fact, many of my clients feel that life is perfect except for that missing piece. When I suggest that they alone are responsible for filling that gap, I hear a lot of resistance stating “I already did that, I am complete. Now, all that is missing is the man”. But, if anything is missing, then obviously you are not complete. It is an impossibility.

And so, many women get into relationships for the sole purpose of finding “the one”. Healthy people get into a casual relationship first, because in having no strings attached, they can more rationally evaluate their partner, and determine whether this person complements them. Other people reject casual relationships, and think that strings are exactly what will bind them, and make the relationship stronger, or real. They want the strings first, and if that person allows that, then the relationship can proceed toward a shared goal.

Now think about it, isn’t the purpose of dating to see if our partner is a good match? Shouldn’t we observe them objectively, allow them to be exactly who they are so that we can determine if we are compatible? If we are not, it is easier to walk away and find someone better. But with strings, it is harder to leave a situation that does not serve us. We are already bound, and rather than break the strings that might hurt us, some of us choose to stay in the relationship, and embark on a project to convert this person into someone who will fulfill us. When they refuse to give us what we want, be who we want them to be, act in a loving way when they are not sure if they should love us, we act as if there is something wrong with them, as if they are being selfish, when in fact, we are the ones molding an incompatible person to fit our lifestyle and meet our needs.

Here is where I see that a lot of women are failing themselves. No, it is not the man’s fault. He already gave you a chance, his time, his attention, and benefit of doubt. He does not owe you more than that. But a lot of women believe, that after they have established a string (whether that is an emotional bond, a physical one, or a guilt trip), they are now owed a full blown relationship that fulfills them. If at this point the man chooses to withdraw, he is accused of everything from emotional immaturity, commitment phobia, psychological disorder, or just plain being an asshole.

Is it a crime for a person to choose not to be with us? Is it a crime for a potential partner to keep looking for a person who fits them better? Is it wrong for them to choose not to bond with us? In case it isn’t obvious, the answer is No. A healthy human owes it to him or herself to walk away from that which doesn’t serve them, and keep looking for a person who does.

At this point many women feel like they have been cheated out of a relationship. As harsh as this sounds, no, he did you a favor. If you are looking at relationships as life’s ultimate goal, chances are you are looking for fulfillment in a relationship, and that is why they are escaping you.

No one owes you a relationship. A man doesn’t owe it to us to complete us, a healthy man will keep looking for a woman who is genuinely complete. A man doesn’t owe it to us to lose himself in our relationship, if he feels there is someone better out there for him. In fact, he only owes it to himself to keep looking. The men who choose to walk away, are not bad guys, they are healthier than guys who let you mold and change them.

When a person refuses to commit, they are doing us a favor. They are reflecting something important that we all must accept because it is the adult thing to do. When someone refuses to give you a relationship, it is because we are not who they are looking for, but more importantly we are not who we are looking for. For some, this is a difficult concept to grasp, but bear with me.

We must be that which we are looking for. It is not enough to act like it, we have to exude it, that being must ooze out of our pores in order for it to be genuine. If we want pure love from the other person, then we must BE pure love first. Pure is something that is free of need, neediness, strings, ulterior motives, so, if we are not pure ourselves, the other person cannot be either.

Looking for a man who is stable and secure? Are you stable and secure in every aspect of you life? Are you really? Because if you were, then you wouldn’t need security nor stability, you would already have that. It sounds like a catch-22, and it is, but we must be that which we want. If we project a false self, the other person reflects that falsehood. Don’t be surprised to then find yourself with a person who has deceived you in some way.

When I was healing from a broken heart, and by healing I mean I was not whole, I too was attracting broken people into my life. In fact, many of them were so sick that I wondered how it is possible for me to be in so many relationships with men who were psychologically scarred, and just plain unhealthy? Luckily I am okay with reflecting on myself, and not blaming things on other people, because I never would have picked up on my own sickness. My lack of completeness was attracting broken people seeking completion through me. My faking happiness was attracting people who were faking too, and each of them was reflecting my own instability, fears, neediness as well. Luckily none of those relationships lead to commitment, or I would be a fraction of the human I am today. Luckily, we walked, or ran away from each other.

So, when a person chooses to walk away from you, thank your lucky stars. They were not for you, but they were one step closer to a better, healthier relationship. Luckily, you are the sort who learns from experience, and each experience makes you stronger. Just keep walking. No man is supposed to complete you, not a single one of them owes you a relationship, and just because he offers you one, does not mean you are meant to accept it. You are only meant to evaluate it to see if it brings you bliss.

If you are not in a state of bliss with someone, he is not it. If he is not changing his actions or behavior to be with you, it is because he is not supposed to. You are a big girl and surely you don’t believe he will become a different person for your benefit. If he isn’t giving you what you need, he will give it to someone he wants to give it to, so keep walking. No one owes you a relationship. You owe yourself a relationship with your self, and the men in your life simply reflect the quality of the relationship you have with that self.

S

Healthy people are not obsessed. By definition, an obsession is an addiction, or a state in which someone thinks about someone or something constantly or frequently especially in a way that is not normal. Another dictionary defines it as the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire.

Could it be said that there is such a thing as relationship obsession? Could it be noted that there are some women so consumed by the need to be in a relationship, that it is their dominant purpose or goal?

But what is a relationship, and does it necessarily have to involve the opposite sex? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my relationships, but when I am not in one, I enjoy my “time off”. I spend time cultivating friendships, charting my global travels, pursuing my hobbies, engaging women in conversation, and in general, enjoying the relationship I have with myself. Somehow, that is always my favorite part about being single.

Are men just as fixated on their relationships? Do they spend hours conversing about whether their next flirtation is going to lead to a Facebook relationship status? Of course, we are raised by different standards, and men are not raised to believe that a relationship will define them, or give meaning to their lives. Yet, it is the 21st century, and now more than ever, many educated, intelligent, independent women are still worried that they are missing out on something.

This is by no means a generalization of all women. In fact, many of us are breaking out from the herd, and wandering off into the sunset by ourselves. Contrary to what you may have heard, we are not lonely, nor despondent. We are happy, we are healthy, we are free, and we live life on our own terms. The reason we are thriving is because we have redefined the word relationship in a way that best suits us.

The world keeps changing, and we embrace that. We understand that there are countless ways to have a relationship and they are all enjoyable, and gratifying. We are not afraid to try new things, experience different types of men, redefine romance, and prioritize ourselves. There is a growing number of women who are waking up and realizing that there is no such thing as prince charming, or if there was, it is okay to divorce him, and try someone else.

We are all okay. We are not broken, and we don’t need counseling. What we need is a new perspective on what it means to be a healthy woman, and a willingness to embrace that. Today, it is more important than ever to insist on defining ourselves. Many of us are still struggling to break free from the rules imposed on us by society, expectations set forth by our parents, and judgment inflicted by the media. It is time we realized that there is nothing wrong with women who are not in relationships, there is something wrong with people who are starving for one.

No kidding, some of us are complete without boyfriend, husband, baby, or diamond ring. Those of us who have those things, are redefining what it means to be a wife or mother in a way that best suits us, and lately, focus on ourselves, our own needs, and personal goals is making some wives and mothers healthier and happier than ever.

I’d love to open my social media feed and see something positive printed about women who have better things to do than chase relationships. How excited are we when our best friend gets promoted to VP, buys her own home, gets the 100th stamp in her passport? Not so much. But when she bashes some man who neglected to text her, or expresses anger that a man won’t give her commitment, we join the pity party and start bashing too. Really? Are men who won’t commit bad men? No, like us, they have choices, and they simply haven’t chosen her.

There is also this toxic attitude that we are owed a relationship. There are still women who believe if we went on a date, we are owed a phone call. We sent out a text, so we are owed a reply. We waited 13 dates before we slept with him, so we are owed a relationship. We dated him for 11.5 months, so we are owed a proposal. Do you see why some women are still beating themselves up when the man doesn’t deliver a relationship status or perform to their expectations? Does he owe us anything? Well, if you made a deal or a contract that you will get a proposal in exchange for a year of happy dating, then maybe. But if you believe that the purpose of dating is to get to know one another, and see if there is an equal interest among both parties, then can you blame a person for choosing not to propose?

The word relationship is defined as the way in which two or more people, talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. We all relate to each other in our own unique ways, so is there a debt to be paid to someone with whom we have spent some time? Is it a crime for a man to walk away?

No man, no baby, no ring will ever complete a woman. Like men, we must find our own purpose, we must know ourselves. There is a tremendous value in being single, and that is the opportunity to define ourselves. That doesn’t happen overnight, in fact, it mostly happens to women in their forties. Without the time to explore, taste everything, make mistakes, find our own path, pursue a career, who are we?

Today, we are the media. We spend more time on social feeds than we do reading actual news. Today we make the news by blogging, sharing posts, and commenting. Perhaps it is time for us to choose a different response to those who report that life is bleak without a relationship. Rather than join the pity party, simply show them how you are thriving on your own terms.

So, the next time you hear a friend complain about lack of relationships, point out her abundance of friends. If she is bashing men for not returning calls, gently point out he had other calls to make. When the media paints a bleak picture of women without men, write letters to the editor or post your comments online, and show them your reality.

Often, I get criticized for speaking too bluntly. And I always have to reiterate that I am not against marriage, relationships, or home. I am for women defining themselves, having numerous choices, selecting from a wide variety of best possible men, exploring the world, charting their own course, and completing themselves. It is only when we experience everything that life has to offer that we become whole.

S

Need is not a good feeling, but understanding that you are in the wrong frame of mind is very liberating. You now know that you have to let it go, so that you can receive something better.

It’s no secret, I LOVE being single, and I always have. I love the freedom of it, I love getting and staying in touch with myself, exploring my inner Goddess and talking to her every day. I love all aspects of my crazy, sexy, single life. Now that I have freed myself from social expectations, media garbage, and the opinions of friends who don’t enjoy dating, I am enjoying, basking, and exploring the fascinating world of men and dating. I love them all.

6 yrs ago as I was freeing myself from a 15 yr relationship, I resolved to have the most thrilling dating, sexual, and relationship experience. I was on a mission to sample it all, learn from everyone, sample the bon-bons in this candy store called life. And what an awesome experience it has been. It is so good, that I have had to step back, and re-evaluate the value of marriage, contractual relationships, and tradition. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against any of those things, but having thrown myself into this wonderland of men, sex and dating, I simply don’t want to leave.

The contrast to my experience is all around me. Open any newspaper, read any blog, and you’ll read sagas written by social commentators, psychologists and “experts” about how pathetic it is to be a single woman today. They portray us as lonely, despondent, and disappointed with the choices we made to educate ourselves and advance our careers, because now we can’t have a man who matches our qualifications. This is absolute bullshit, and I urge you ladies to stop listening to this garbage. It disempowers you, and cuts you off from that connection with your higher self, the self that knows that life is absolutely divine, and that the world is your oyster.

I am constantly amazed by how many young, energetic, ambitious, fearless women I know today. I am surrounded by women who are happy, growing, exploring, liberated, thriving. We travel the world, can afford the best things in life, treat ourselves very well (much better than any man could). We invest in our personal growth, we walk our own path fearlessly because being single is nothing to fear.  We are professionals, we are exposed, we are worldly, and we are experienced. Apparently, a lot of people, especially the media have a problem with that.

Since I founded The Goddess Principles, my mission has been to inspire women to take off their blindfolds. Shut off your TV, better yet, get rid of the relic. Unsubscribe to all mass media, and just say no to the toxic sludge that media feeds you. It is what is making women so depressed.

The world is a beautiful place, and it is exceptionally exciting if you are a single, educated woman with some disposable income. The truth I discovered since I embarked on this journey is that there is no shortage of men at all. There never has been, and there never will be. I am constantly surrounded by excellent, loving, giving, affectionate, gorgeous, generous, educated men in my own age group and younger, and they all want me. If you are experiencing anything different, it is because you believe in the shortage.

I am not skinnier, smarter, nor more beautiful than an average woman, yet my dating experience is an absolute adventure. In fact, when I was of the mindset that equated a single woman over 40 to a hopeless spinster, all I could see were old, bald, divorced men around me, as part of my reality. But once I rejected the ideas that a woman my age should have to settle for less, once I rejected the attitude that without a man I have nothing, a whole new world opened up.

Everyone knows I am absolutely fascinated with the mind, and how it creates its own reality. Much of what we believe about ourselves and our reality is spoon fed to us by media. The mind accepts those stories, and builds a reality from that projection.

Today, I have a new reality. I created it by getting rid of my TV, cancelling my subscription to the New York Times, and I religiously protect myself from negative media, bloggers who paint an ugly portrait of the single life. I surround myself with women who are thriving, I join groups of women who are winning, and I absolutely love getting to know women who live life on their own terms.

I recently joined a Facebook community of female travelers called Girls Love Travel. If you are looking for inspiration for how real women live and thrive, I urge you to join this group. These are women of all ages, who travel the world, sample all its pleasures, speak freely on all subjects, encourage and inspire women to break the boundaries and just live life to its fullest.

Most of my readers know that I coach women into becoming total Goddesses in every aspect of their lives. I do this intuitively, and I channel most of the ideas and information I present to my clients and followers. I truly believe that we are divine, and when we are connected to our inner selves, we shine in the most spectacular way. When we are in touch with that higher self, we are in touch with the truth of what it means to be a woman. That truth is hidden from us, and has been dormant for centuries.

Some of us are waking up, stepping outside the box, and seeing that there is a whole world out there. That world is to be explored, for that world is your domain. It is a wonderland of the most beautiful experiences life has to offer, and you are to sample and learn from it all. You are to delight in all of life’s pleasures, and that includes exotic travel, the feeling of independence, fearlessness, laughter, beautiful men, sexual adventures, champagne, lot’s of candy, confidence, self-knowledge, never-ending orgasms, because this is life!

S

How can you find unconditional love, if you believe so much in conditions?  We all talk about unconditional love as if it is life’s ultimate goal, but have very little understanding of the concept. I see that those people who pine for it, are the ones who are the most resistant to it.

Unconditional love is the purest love there is. By definition, it is love without condition. It is not dependent on anything, or any person at all. It exists no matter what. It exists without an object to love, it exists without a situation, it exists when there is no reason. What makes it eternal is the fact that it resides in you, what makes it end, is the belief that it is about the other person.

And so for most people, the burden of keeping love alive falls on the other person, or the situation. If the other person truly loves me, he should love me forever. If the other person continues to behave in the way that we agreed upon, our love will be eternal. If the other person loves me, he or she will give me commitment. If he is truly committed, he will want to sign a contract. IF, if, if. But if the other person has a responsibility to love us, and an obligation to keep the love and commitment alive, then how can we insist that the love is pure or unconditional?  Responsibility and accountability are a burden, not freedom to love.

What’s worse is that if that person happens to grow, evolve, or change during the course of the relationship, and as a result of that growth they begin to desire a person who better reflects their new self, then where does that leave us? Betrayed? Disgruntled? Are they now in violation of a contract?

And so, many of us still view breakups, divorce and moving on, as some sort of a violation. We view the person who was formerly the object of our love as a traitor, or a criminal for not abiding by the rules we set forth in the love contract. If the contract is broken, surely the love must be too?

Many of us still believe that if we can contractualize love, we will guarantee its eternity. If the contract is solid enough, it will protect us from pain, heartache, and prevent that person from later choosing someone else, or moving on. If that person does so anyway, it is the fault of the other person, not us.

Yet practically every culture believes that love is a contract. Regardless of whether it is a marriage contract, a verbal agreement, a cohabitation agreement, or a Facebook relationship status, the vast majority of people searching for unconditional love are solely focused on its conditions. And the more adamant the person is about the conditions, the more likely they are to encounter toxic relationship experiences. They connect to people who too have their own conditions, and are then surprised when neither can reasonably meet the rules, expectations, or terms set forth by their partner.

This really isn’t most people’s fault. Every soap opera, romance novel, religious edict commands that true love must be traded in exchange for a lifetime commitment. Only when it is traded in exchange for a rock-solid contract, and only when both people behave according to the terms of it, can we boast that we have found pure love.

So, what exactly is unconditional love? Without any conditions, pure love is free to be just that, LOVE. It exists no matter what. But how can love exist no matter what, if the person I want, isn’t behaving according to my needs? How can love exist no matter what, if he is looking for love in other places? How can love exist no matter what, if I have no relationship status, if I am not wearing a ring, if he is looking at other women, if he isn’t paying attention to me, if he isn’t completing me, if he isn’t calling, texting, sending me roses?

Love doesn’t come in a bouquet of roses, and it doesn’t come from a relationship status. Love is not about the other person at all. Love is you. Is there love in your heart at all times, or is it just there when you find someone to love? Do you love yourself, or do you love yourself only when someone else shows you love? Are you satisfied or are you starving for someone to love? Think about it objectively. Where exactly is that love? Is it inside you, showered upon yourself and other people freely, or is it reserved only for certain situations? Do you love everyone, every day, all day long, or do you love only when someone is giving you a relationship?

Pure love is free. It is free or requirements, conditions, rules, or obligations, responsibility, or contracts. It comes to those who do not look for conditions. Though most women I know want marriage, the ones who marry soonest are the ones who never pined for marriage at all. It also comes to those who have dropped marriage as a requirement, and were willing to open up their hearts to love long before a lover showed up.

When we look for conditions that will satisfy us, the object of our attention becomes that situation for which we are willing to trade love. But love that is traded in exchange for anything at all is not love.

I have said it many times, but it is worth repeating that eternal love is love for the self. That realization was the most powerful moment of my life, because in that instance I realized that I will always have love, no matter what. It resides inside me, and I shower it freely upon all people, because there is always more. I am not afraid of losing it after a breakup. The other person, as much as I loved him is not responsible for it, and he is free to act in his own best interest. I continue to love him anyway, no mater where he is. And I continue to love myself as I always have.

That love is eternal because as long as I am alive, it will reside in me. I never believed that I have the right to demand that another person walk my path for all eternity, nor that he should sacrifice his eternity to me. In my opinion that would be heartless and narcissistic. We claim that an animal trapped in a cage is an example of cruelty, but that a human trapped in a contract is somehow virtuous. Really?

No, my lovers are always free. They are free to love me as much or as little as they are comfortable. I place no demands because I know that my love for myself will always be greater anyway. They are free to enjoy my company as long as it is pleasant for both of us, I don’t ask for more because my own company is the most pleasing of all. They are free to grow themselves, evolve, make other choices, and eventually walk their own path. I encourage this for my own growth, my own progress, and out of respect for my own path.

In learning to love unconditionally and freely, I have observed some remarkable effects. Men respond to me with utmost respect, affection, and devotion. They are striving to please me, study ways in which to be of service, are more giving of themselves than ever before. They seek to bond, express immense care, kindness and passion, and these expressions are beautiful to experience. I keep walking in a state of free love, offering no commitment to anyone because I have not found the one yet. I have no conditions lovers must satisfy, I love them anyway.

I believe there are many soul mates, and each one reflects who we are at a particular point in our lives. Right now, I am not ready to commit or marry, and will continue to be single as long as I love being single. That may be a couple of years or eternity, but my point is that as long as I am free of conditions, love flows freely to me at all times. There is no shortage of love, lovers, or loving encounters. It all flows to me in an endless stream of experiences.  I revel in all that is coming my way, without questioning why it isn’t more, why doesn’t it come with a ring, why isn’t he offering me a contract?

If you are searching for unconditional love, it would be worth your time to list your conditions. Be kind to yourself, we have all grown up in a world where love was depicted as an unbreakable contract. As you look at your conditions, spend some time pondering what it would be like if those conditions weren’t an option. What would happen if the institution of marriage collapsed? Could you love anyway? What would happen if a fortune teller declared you will never marry? How would you choose to live then, without love?  Could you be affectionate with a person who does not love you? Could you be loving to someone whose heart belonged to someone else, but was willing to offer you his affection?

Slowly go through all your conditions and work on eliminating them. This is a process that takes time. Perhaps it is time to change your perspective, or to question society’s expectations, and whether they are of any service to you. When you are able to eliminate all the conditions from your list, you will experience an immense sense of freedom. You will see that there are no more conditions to love, and that now you are free to love all there is. In that place, you will find your center, your true self, your inner being. You will see that it radiates with pure, undying love that cannot be contained. Allow yourself to feel that love without restriction for as long as you can. Then watch. Watch what happens next.

As you love freely, you will see that all people love you freely too. They are now free to be with you, in your presence without fear that you will place demands or conditions on them. First you will notice the reactions of strangers. They will profess their fascination,  approval, and interest in you. Let them. Next you will notice changed behaviors of friends. Some will be offended by your unconditional love of them, let them walk away. They are people who need conditions and will not be able to stand your freedom and the immensity of your love. Keep loving them and all there is anyway. Soon you will notice interest from the opposite sex, and see a vast difference in how they now perceive you. Be patient, because as you become comfortable with your newfound love and gain your bearings, the men will keep changing. I guarantee that each one will offer you more, be better than the one before, and reflect your ever growing self. Keep moving. Love them, but free them anyway, there is more for you.

It was my experience that the more I opened myself up to unconditional love, and accepted freedom as the only way to love purely, the universe showered me with all sorts of love. In my first year I got asked out by 73 people. Of course I wasn’t interested in most of them, but men kept offering themselves up to me, and that was a beautiful way for me to acknowledge that love is everywhere.

No matter what the future brings, I will always have love in its purity. Of that I am certain. Since I found unconditional love I have never been lonely, incomplete or dissatisfied.  It isn’t another person’s responsibility to entertain, complete or satisfy us, that work is our own.

S

S

There is a freedom, and an immense liberation in loving people anyway. All of those who we have walked away from, those we have lost, those who will never come back. It may be contrary to how we have been taught to love, but religion, romance novels, and dating manuals have taught us to love conditionally.

When we love in exchange for something like a relationship, commitment, a ring, we love conditionally. Yet, since the dawn of religion, women have been indoctrinated into believing that love in exchange of marriage, respect, or eternity, is the only kind of love. We have been told that anything else is sinful, shameful, a sign of mental illness or lack of morality.

But there is something inherently wrong and absolutely disempowering with this concept. It is no wonder when it comes to love, sex and dating, that women have been disempowered for centuries, left to chase and pine for romance, fidelity, respect, and the ultimate symbol of validation- the marriage contract.

But, historically, men have always had a free pass to sow their wild oats, experience love, lust, passion, heartache, rebounds, defeat, comebacks, the chase, and all of life’s guilty pleasures. Experience is power, and the one thing women have been shielded from in the past, is experience.

Once I gave myself permission to experience all that love has to offer, I learned just what a powerful creature I am. I found myself on equal footing, and very often above the power any Romeo has in love, sex, and relationships. I am not boasting, I am simply encouraging women to experience more, and do so fearlessly.

One of the biggest lessons I learned that has enabled me to make fast recoveries, is to always keep my heart open, and to love people anyway. This is in fact, how we love unconditionally, purely, and fearlessly. When we trade love for a relationship (or anything else we need), we love conditionally. Naturally, when that relationship ends, we think we cannot, or should not love that person any more, and hence the immense heartache, saga, and pain we face trying to now erase that person out of our hearts. But this is unnecessary, and in fact demoralizing because we are now faced with the unattractive truth- we were trading.

This is not the woman’s fault at all. Every text ever written about love instructed us that this was the only way to love. The same texts taught us that women suffer for love, that love is extremely painful, and that women must protect themselves from potential of pain or too much experience. And thus, chastity, morality, respectability became more important than knowledge about relationships, and the truth about the power of unconditional love.

Years ago, as I was embracing this single life, and devoted myself to learning everything there is to know about love, my personal power, and my magnetism, I made a decision to love unconditionally and without fear of loss or rejection. I gave myself permission to love all men who have hurt me, all men I chose to walk away from, all relationships that taught me valuable lessons but no longer served me.  I noticed immediately, the power of keeping an open heart.

Loving someone anyway, gave me a new sense of freedom and liberation from pain.  It also allowed me to keep my power and self-respect, by understanding that the choice to love someone is all mine, and that choice doesn’t end just because someone has chosen to walk away. I still have the same power to love that person as much as I want, and as long as I want.

Continuing to love someone long after the relationship is over, is pure love because it is not dependent on a relationship. Continuing to love despite the breakup demonstrates that you never traded love for anything, and the freedom to love remains yours. That is a tremendous power to have in relationships.

Knowing that no one has the power to rip my heart open, and take away love, allows me to give love fearlessly, openly and unconditionally. That love doesn’t depend on anyone but myself. It depends on no conditions at all, and I am free to give it to whomever I choose. Does that make me immoral? No, it makes me a very powerful woman. Men can’t play games with me, I don’t crumble. When they see how freely I let them walk away, and keep walking, they beg to come back.

I don’t love freely to manipulate men- a Goddess doesn’t need to do that. I love freely, to be love.  I am love at all times, and shower worthy people with love energy when they are in my presence. I shower exes with love long after they leave, send them positive energy, wish them the best, hope they find better lovers than I ever was, and genuinely love them forever. Does it hurt? NO. The love remains in my heart forever, no matter where they are. Do I take them back? No. I have more love to share with men who have more experiences to show me. Am I cold or heartless? Ask anyone who knows me, and the answer is a resounding No- I radiate love.

Love is NOT in the other person. As long as you believe this, you will hurt when men walk away. Love is in YOU. As long as you know this, no one can take it away from you. You are free to love anyway. You are free to love as long as you want. And you are free to let people go, knowing that it is in everyone’s best interest. As far as I’m concerned, that is a powerful way to be.

Once I understood that love resides in my heart, and not in someone else, I understood what it means to love forever. It is ridiculous to demand any person devote their life and their eternity to me. I won’t be dependent on that fairy tale. True love is without condition, and without a contract. Pure love is always free flowing, no matter where the other person is.

Many people accuse me of being anti marriage, relationships, or romance, but nothing can be further from the truth. I have had all of those things, and will always continue to have them. I respect marriage, I simply teach women to not pine for it. I love romance, and my newfound power has drawn to me hordes of men expressing love and devotion to me. I revel in my magnetism, and teach women how to draw that power onto themselves.  I believe that every women owes it to herself to love herself openly, experience men shamelessly, and wield her personal power until she glows in her own divinity.

As always, no apologies and no regrets.

S