The Goddess Principles

Traveling Solo: Discover Yourself Instead of Someone Else.
It is the ultimate test of whether she is independent, fearless, complete. Many women claim to be whole, until they have to do something all by themselves. Faced with the daunting prospect of having to be alone, even for a weekend, they are immediately turned off.

But what exactly is the turn-off here? Having to face oneself? The realization, that she cannot bear the thought of seeing the sights, navigating a foreign city, or having lunch solo? Or is it the feeling of loneliness that overcomes everyone the very first time they wake up alone in unfamiliar surroundings?

Over the years, I have mentored many women through their single life, and can’t count the times a woman has looked me straight in the eye, and declared that she very much is capable, independent and complete. Yet, when I challenge her to check into a B&B for a weekend, she looks at me in horror when I tell her, that she cannot bring a girlfriend.

Yet, traveling solo is exactly the thing that liberates dependent women from fear. And it is that one test that determines whether she is who she claims to be. This test is very telling in who she is in a relationship or a friendship. If she needs people as a crutch, she needs a man for validation, tremendous amounts of attention, and someone to complete her.

Developing the skill of traveling alone is a process of self-discovery. It allows us to learn to appreciate ourselves, instead of someone else. It builds confidence, kills fear, and it is on the opposite spectrum of pathetic loneliness.

I have encountered so many women who believe that traveling alone makes them feel pitiful. What will people think if they see me having dinner alone? They will think you are capable, comfortable in you own skin, self assured. Does anyone ask a man this question?

It is the 21^st century. The younger generation of women is fearless, confident, ballsy, and self-aware. Without a man at their side, and without a gaggle of girlfriends, they are learning to rock-climb, they are trekking on foot to Machu Pichu, teaching themselves how to surf, backpacking the country’s national parks. For them, life is an adventure, and who are you as a person, if you can’t face yourself?

S

What if, when you die they ask you: How was Heaven?

What if, all those years you waited, like a good girl, were a waste?

What if being dutiful, obedient, proper, got you nowhere?

What if all those milestones you crossed in your life: college, marriage, babies, mortgage, produced a life of boredom, stagnation, disillusionment?

What if you knew, that you will only be judged by how well you lived?

What if happiness, pleasure, adventure and laughter, were the very things you missed out on?

What if you knew that great sex was a path to spiritual enlightenment?

What if you found yourself, laying on your deathbed, wondering if you have lived?

It’s true. Love is everywhere around us.
You don’t have to look hard to get it.

But for love to be PURE, the kind of love we all dream of, it has to be free. Even the legendary Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh instructed us to love in such a way that the other person feels free.

Yet how many of us still believe in possession? How many people still believe that for love to be real, we must hunt it down, beat it into submission, make it promise it will never leave us, then force it to sign a binding agreement? Is that love pure? That isn’t love at all.

There are many lonely people out there who firmly believe in contractual love. After all, that is exactly what church and state still prescribe. The sanctity of marriage is still of utmost importance. But marriage is simply a binding agreement, and a spouse, only a willing participant. Is that enough?

Not for me. I am neither a hopeless romantic, nor a pessimist. I simply want more out of life. Much, much more!

I want a soulmate, and I understand I won’t find him playing the online dating roulette. I want my equal, and judging by how much I have grown, I am willing to wait longer to find someone just my size. I want an adventurer, a lover, a fine wine aficionado. I want a globetrotter, a dreamer. I want someone beautiful inside and out. So, you see, I’m not willing to settle for just a husband.

Someone like that, is very much worth waiting for. And, I firmly believe in having a lot of fun along the way. All the men I have dated over the years have a few positive qualities I could enjoy. But I knew myself well enough to know when to move on. No, I am not sorry at all. I missed out on nothing.

Since my single life began, dating has been an excellent adventure. I have discovered the beauty of playing with the players, the true friendships grown out of friends with benefits, the wonders of dating people who are totally not for me. I have traveled a lot, had fun with the devil. Older and wiser, I have learned a lot about life, and one thing I know, I have absolutely no regrets.

I do feel sorry for friends who are still waiting. Waiting for that Match.com date number 121 to be the one. Waiting for that guy who promised to call them, but never did. The “good girls” we were all taught to be, who waited patiently, and let life pass them by. They are the ones now settling for less.

Does your man have a solid reputation?

Make no mistake, his reputation is just as important as your own. Now look around, and check him out.

Is he fit to be your boyfriend? Is he someone you want to be seen in public with? Does he have a new woman every few months? Do you really want people to think you two are together?

If you are marriage minded, your standards should be even higher. Do you have friends or acquaintances who have been with him too?

Think about it. We women are judged by some very high standards, and anything we say or do in our personal lives, can affect our reputation. A man might have a good time with a woman who gets around, but he would think twice about marrying her.

Yet being a player is considered manly to most men. I firmly believe that players are for fun. By all means, play with them, and have a good time. But, there is no reason you should attach yourself to them, be seen in public with them, or think of them as solid relationship material.

I believe that every man along life’s path is to be enjoyed. But, as you are minding your own reputation, you really should consider who he is as a person, and how seriously he takes his own reputation. Does he post photos online of different women every few weeks? In that case, make sure your photo isn’t one of them.

When you are out together, does he introduce you to all his exes? No, you don’t want to keep that guy forever. You don’t need to make him your boyfriend. You could have fun, but make sure people don’t think you are in a relationship together.

A man would never marry the woman who has dated all his friends. Make sure you aren’t seen in public with used goods either. Remember, it is ok to have fun with him, but a man you are in a relationship with, should have a reputation that is as squeaky clean as yours.

Don’t let society pressure you into chasing dreams that are not your own.

You are young, you want a life. You want adventure, experience, wild times, foreign lands, and the time to make all the mistakes you want.

Who are you? Do you even know? The road to self discovery is out there, but you
won’t find your passion, if you are following society’s rules. How can you? They are not your own rules.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you must marry before a certain age. There is no such thing as spinster. Don’t rush into making babies, if motherhood is not for you. You are not a carton of soured milk, and you do not have an expiration date.

Your passion and your life’s path will only reveal themselves when you are utterly free to be whoever you want. But succumbing to society’s pressure to conform, will only leave you disillusioned, goal-less, and incomplete.

We were all born with passion and purpose, we lost somewhere along the way. It happened when we listened to our well meaning parents and teachers, who pointed the direction we should go into. It wasn’t our own.

It happens when you meet price charming at a young age, and compromise your dreams, to live a life as someone’s wife. You are too young to compromise.

Society and media have put so much pressure on women to conform, but it is that conformity that guarantees you stay chained to tradition. Who says what your dreams should be, or how your life should be lived? Only you.

So if you want to take a break from college to spend a year in France drinking wine and finding yourself, do it. If you want to start your own business when they are telling you that you haven’t enough experience, go for it. Either you’ll prove them wrong, or learn a valuable lesson.

In life, there are no mistakes, as long as you made them yourself. The only regret there is, is to reach the age of 99, lay on your deathbed, and realize that you spent your life following rules, and that you forgot to do it your way.

Don’t Marry Young
Don’t waste your time chasing relationships
Don’t give the best years of your life to someone else.

Looking back upon my life, I realized I could have put off marriage by about 20 years. I was always that independent, stubborn girl who thought no one should get married before 40 (a really old number from my 20 yr old perspective). I wish I listened to myself, as the part of me that truly believed this, was my own inner guidance system, which I did not trust at that age.

I married prince charming and we had 15 beautiful years together. Marriage was a magical thing, but when I divorced, I realized that I did not know who I am as a person. I spent over a third of my life being someone’s wife, and that tends to deplete most people, not just women.

Since then, I have learned a lot and evolved into the person I always knew I could be. But, looking back, I realized that one’s youth is for self-discovery, irresponsibility, travel, adventure, experience, and yes, mistakes. I am still not finished enjoying my life.

Relationships come and go, and I appreciate each and every one of them. But at 43, I am not finished living yet. Don’t let society pressure you into chasing dreams that are not yours. Women succumb to media pressure to settle down, and reproduce, as if that is life’s ultimate goal. Your goal should be your own. Stick to whatever is calling you, and don’t waste time trying to beat an imaginary biological clock. At 89, you just might realize, that there is no such thing.

Looking back, I realize I made no mistakes at all, when I followed my own heart. That young marriage taught me many things. I don’t need to learn again to compromise myself, keep giving to the point of depletion, share a life, or how to take care of someone. I already know.

But, this part of my life is for myself. Laughing at how immature I was, I realized how much bullshit media and society dump on us, and how false it all is. Sure, I met the love of my life at 23, but did I really have to marry him? By the time I reached 43, I fell in love several times. Now I know that just because I love someone, I do not have to marry him.

I also don’t worry that I will somehow lose the husband race. Trust me, even my beautiful prince charming was not worth the race. Sure, he was an amazing husband, and my true soulmate, but after him, there were more soulmates, and lovely experiences. The only thing you are missing is the opportunity to discover yourself, your path, your passion- something you cannot do while juggling the responsibilities of marriage.

For a while, I did accept much of the fear-mongering from my peers and media, and I too dated like a sport, to make sure that I don’t lose out on some opportunity I wasn’t too sure about. Trust me, no man is an opportunity. The opportunity you are losing is the one to discover yourself, your passions, your purpose. Once I stopped looking, I found myself surrounded by more men than I could count. And the beautiful thing is that they are all young, gorgeous, and willing.

When you accept what society and media tell you, all you can see is lack. Lack of men in your own age group, lack of educated men with the proper credentials. It is almost as if, media is using fear to get women to settle. Settle down, way down, because it is better to be settled, than end up a lonely spinster. Bullshit!

The only thing you need to do, is stand up to family and peer pressure, and do it your way. Here is what happened when I did that. As soon as I gave up on “looking” for someone, I found that great men were all around me. Rather than “put myself out there”, I naturally gravitate toward people I have something in common with. Not needing anything, not trying to make anything happen, is exactly why people feel so comfortable around me.

As a result, there is always someone to share a bottle of wine with, wake up to, or take a trip with. Do I need to marry any of them? No. Sure, some day, I might meet someone I want to keep longer. Maybe I will marry him. But right now, I am so happy living my life, on my terms, that nothing could be further from my mind.

Last night’s The Goddess Principles, featured guest speaker Jane Berryman. She is a journalist for Money magazine and London Bureau Chief for CNBC; former bond analyst for Thomson Reuters in London and Tokyo, and former chief economist at the Bancroft Group, a hedge fund based in Paris. She works in wealth management for Ameriprise, America’s oldest financial planning firm.

In addition, she is president of The Century Club, Philadelphia as well as an honoree of the prestigious Explorers Club, both of which honor people who have traveled to over 200 countries, and completed feats while doing so.

Jane’s ballsy attitude proves that we can in fact, have whatever we want, and live lives on our own terms.

“ It is nothing more than fear mongering “. We’ve all read the ominous statistics proclaiming that women are doomed.

Too educated? You won’t find a husband. Too successful, you will be hated. Are you single? You must be lonely and miserable. In your 30’s- better hurry up and pop out a baby, you don’t want to miss your opportunity. You’d rather be child free? We feel sorry for you.

The media is toxic, and society opinions just follow whatever the media spits out.
Nothing saddens me more, than when I see a friend enter the race to find a husband on time, before she is proclaimed a lonely spinster. And those friends who only hear their biological clocks ticking, but don’t have a maternal bone in their body, later ask Why did I do this?

We are all intelligent, educated women, who are bombarded by society pressure every day. But who profits from this? The media, conservatives, the church, your well-meaning parents, old men? No, you do not have to conform, nor do you have to accept this as truth.

The only thing you should listen to, is your own inner guidance system. Would you rather have a soul mate than a husband? Me too, so I am gloriously single, until I find the perfect one. And if I don’t, I will be gloriously single into my 90’s.

Not sure motherhood is for you? Congratulations, you know yourself. Now you can focus on whatever pleases you. Love younger men? Who doesn’t? Parade the little devil on your arm shamelessly!

My point is, the sooner you can stop the toxic stream of media from seeping into your mind, and cause self-doubt, the sooner you will live life on your own terms.

No apologies, No regrets.

S

The path to enlightenment is your own path.  You cannot buy the knowledge from a bookstore, a yoga studio, or a guru.

It is a journey into your own mind, to discover your own soul, the power of you. It takes years to practice, and most never find it. Nevertheless, simply being on one’s own path is enough.

It takes years to master, but the mind is the key to enlightenment. You were born with a gift, a gift so powerful, yet most people die never having used it at all.

Seekers often look for someone to guide them to their path. Seekers, will never find it, simply because by seeking, they are not finding.

It is amazing to see how many people in this country worship yoga (the physical alignment), and claim to be enlightened by the poses, their vegan diets, their personal opinions. Trust me, you won’t find the truth in a yoga studio. Yoga is a very powerful practice, that aligns the chakras, releases energetic blockage, and energizes. The yoga high is real, but it is not the key to anything.

In the east, yoga is simply preparation for something much more powerful. The reason it is practiced at all, is to ensure that the physical is taken care of, and balanced, before the mental training can begin.

So now that your body is healthy and energized, it is time to close your eyes, empty the mind, and explore. It may take you a year, it may take you a decade, but trust me, the path is in there.

No one can guide you to it, in fact guidance is the very thing that will keep you away from it. Be still, listen, notice, breathe, acknowledge, say hello to it, follow your path.

Group practice will only distract you. Asking for guidance will only ensure you enter someone else’s path. At the end, their path enlightens them, but you will be shut out. It is not your own.

The first step is solitude. The second silence. The third the release, letting go of one’s attachments. Understand, that you are everything there is, therefore nothing can be lost or missing.

Those who are afraid of solitude, cling to others for company, will remain blind. Those who cannot silence the world around them, will forever be distracted by noise. There is no peace without silence.

The path to enlightenment is your own. Close your eyes, and say hello.

S

Men may be drawn to her magnetically, but what makes her a Goddess is that she is an absolute pleasure to herself.

If you were lucky enough to ever be in her presence, you’ll note she delights in her own company. Whether she treats herself to a weekend of solitude, or she stands in the center of a crowded room basking in her own light, she is impossible to ignore.

Spouses, girlfriends, mortal women, need reassurance around her. That is because they feel her power. This is a woman who can have any man, at any time, and all know it.

But, lucky for them, a Goddess is her own greatest pleasure. She basks in her own beauty, thrives in her own centeredness, shimmers with an all-knowingness. No, she is not some mythical creature depicted in fairy tales, she is real, and walks among us.

What makes her so magnetic, is her own inner glow that cannot be replicated. She is part angel, part horned devil, and she loves the yin and yang of her duality. She plays with it, charms with it. And has the ability to magnetize an entire room.

Her favorite sport is self-appreciation, her favorite pastime, self-exploration. She studies herself only, taking pleasure in her growth, her mastery, her ascendance.

The men in her life are beautiful creatures. They give pleasure, they participate in the fun, they provide adventure, ecstasy, chaos, lessons, and transcendental experience, but the focus is never on them, her life is about her.